Welcome!!! I am glad you found us, and sorry you need us, Know what I mean??
Don't you want to gag or pound on people when they tell you that a child is "too young" to be evaluated or diagnosis'd?? It makes me furious on your and your child's behalf!!
The book Marg mentioned is great. There are some others that might be helpful - many libraries have them. I strongly recommend Love and Logic books because they stress logical natural consequences while preserving the loving bond between parent and child. You can learn about all their books at
www.loveandlogic.com - read/listen to all you can there. Even the stuff for teachers was helpful to me. I loaned my books and audiotape to one of my youngest's teachers because she was interested and it was her first year teaching. It made her entire year a LOT easier and made a big change in the attitudes of all her students, even two very very challenging students.
There is another book called "What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You" by Dr. Doug Riley. It is fairly new and is AWESOME! If you do a search on Doug Riley you will find some threads that he posted here - he pops in every couple of years, esp if he has a new book or new research to share. If you can figure out why your child is raging sometimes you can prevent the rages.
You mentioned wondering if your child is bipolar. Read "The Bipolar Child" by Papalous - it is one of the best resources about bipolar for parents and professionals. Keeping a mood diary for your child is very important. Write down how he was each day, the time when he raged, what seemed to trigger it, was he hungry, tired, etc... After a few weeks you may be able to find a pattern and clues to help him. My son would go into rages if he ate candy on an empty stomach. Anything sugary could set him off if he didn't have enough protein in his system at the time. He ate a LOT of the Balance Bars that are 40-30-30 (% carb, protein, fat). I kept them in my purse, stashed various places in the house, etc...They made a huge difference for him.
does your son seek out or avoid certain sensations? Does he have trouble with some textures, sounds, tastes, etc?? Seek out certain types of sensations (rocking, jumping, deep pressure, etc??? If so he may have sensory issues or even sensory integration disorder. Don't freak about the long name. It means his brain doesn't process sensations the way others do. It is extremely common in kids with the kinds of problems you suspect. There are two awesome books on the subject, both by Kranowitz. The first explains Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and what can be done to help - it is called "The Out of Sync Child". The second book, "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" is packed with activities that are fun and provide certain types of sensations. I would borrow the first from the library and invest in the "Has Fun" book - you may be able to find it used on amazon, ebay or abebooks.com. By finding activities that my kids liked, and ones they hated, I was able to figure out a LOT about their sensory issues, esp for my youngest. He has a LOT of sensory issues and has made HUGE strides. One of the main therapies for this is brushing. It MUST be taught by an occupational therapist (Occupational Therapist (OT)) because if you do it incorrectly or on certain body parts you can cause real problems. It takes maybe 2 minutes to do the entire process once you have learned it. Brushing has been shown to actually change how the brain handles sensory input, sort of rewiring the brain. The awesome thing about brushing, in my opinion anyway, is that it does NOT involve any medications so you don't have to worry about side effects!
There is a link in my signature (at the bottom of the page - helps us keep everyone straight in our minds) for a Parent Report. This is a report that you write about your child. It was designed by some of the older members to keep all the info about a child in one place, easy to find, and easy to copy any parts you want to share with a doctor or school or whatever. If you take it to a doctor they are able to get a better picture of your child than they get in their 15 minute appts.
There IS help out there, but it can take a while to find it. It sounds like your son is very violent. Do not drive him anywhere if he is raging unless you have another adult to help control him. It isn't safe. If he is a danger to himself or others, call 911 and get a police officer and an ambulance there. Let dispatch know that it is a mentally ill child that they are responding to. They MUST take him to a psychiatric hospital for a 72 hour hold if he is a danger to himself or others - you can insist on this. If you get there and they want to send him home, refuse to until they treat him. If you have other children in the home it is important to keep doing this. You will need to write up a safety plan so that everyone knows what to do to be as safe as possible. You can tell the staff that he is a danger to his siblings and you cannot take him home until he has been treated.
There ARE medications that might help his aggression and violence. Wiz, my difficult child, was so awful to my daughter that my husband and I couldn't leave them alone together even long enough to go to the bathroom!! We had to take the same sex child (I took jess, he took Wiz) into the bathroom with us if we were the only adult at home!!! Wiz actually spent 4 months in a locked psychiatric ward because I found him strangling Jessie in the middle of the night - it was NOT the first time, as I later learned. The medications that addressed his rage and violence were atypical antipsychotics - risperdal (risperidone), seroquel, etc... They made a HUGE difference. You will need a psychiatrist certified in child and adolescent psychiatry to presribe this.
Is there any way to video tape or even audiotape his rages? Even using a cell phone camera you can get a LOT on camera and it makes it more real for the doctors.
I hope some of this is helpful. You have found a fabulous group of people who truly understand what you are going through because we have all lived it/are living it now! Stick around, get to know us, vent as you need to (we all do it sometimes - this is an awesome place to do that!).
Lots of gentle {{{{{hugs}}}}} for your entire family. Be gentle and kind to yourself during this chaotic time - you are WORTH it!