Relapse Again....


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I am very sad today.

Yesterday my son checked into detox. He had been doing very well for several months. He had been doing things for himself this past year while away that he'd never done at home.

I knew something was going on. He had taken about $250 out of an account a few weeks ago without permission. I posted about that. Felt pills had to be involved. He said it was alcohol. But that is just not "him". Had a feeling in my gut. He had a flat tire Sunday, called husband about it. Had never changed a flat. Husband walked him through it and that was that. Yesterday husband called to follow up. Tire not changed. Did a FaceTime and tire was more like shredded! Told son to take care of and call him back. He could not get a hold of him the rest of the afternoon which is not like him.

Coincidentally I emailed his orthodontist to ask about payment and they mentioned he did not show up for appointment yesterday. Red Flag.

I then texted his girlfriend that we were concerned he was using. She confirmed he was in process of checking into detox. OMG. Again. Right back where we were a year ago.

She told me he got Klonopin from a doctor there. He knows he can't take benzos. Period. She found him inhaling duster yesterday. First day of that she said. OMG did not even know what that was!

She says he wanted to go to detox. Does not want to live that lifestyle. Rinse and repeat. He told her he was depressed because he misses ME and his dogs. I told her that when he lived with us and me and dogs and everything else life could offer he said he did drugs because "he wasn't doing things other 20 year olds are doing". Well he now was doing just that. It this was former me that statement would have put me over the edge but I know it's just an excuse.

Husband and I are in shock I think. Not sure of next move. Believe he has to go to sober living and pay his own way from now on. He has a big mess to clean up this time. Class he's taking, job, apartment. I'm trying not to think about all of that. It's really in God's hands.


You know you get lots of hugs and support from this end.

Be good to yourself friend,

pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
:group-hug:It is interesting how he blames the relapse on you. This has nothing to do with you, RN. This is all on him.

What IS duster? I remember reading about people licking cane toads in order to get high. Yuck. The things people do for escape are shocking.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
It's that canned air to clean your keyboard. That is beyond scary to me.

They always have to blame someone. I know that isn't the reason though but I don't know what the reason is.:cry:


Well-Known Member
Oh RN I'm so sorry. I know that you know that he has to do this himself. I also know that it doesn't make you feel any better. I wish there were words to wisdom or comfort here. That he checked himself into detox is a good thing - he wasn't forced by you or anyone else - which means he does want to be better. :hugs:


Well-Known Member
Very sad to read about his relapse, RN. At least he is checking himself into detox. That's a positive step and might ultimately be something he grows from, if he learns from it.

Didn't his last relapse also occur on benzos he was prescribed? Scary that doctors aren't being more vigilant about his history...and the dusters inhaling...I don't understand why these difficult children are so driven to get out of their own head space...


Active Member
He did accomplish some things while he was sober, so maybe the relapses will become far apart the more he accomplishes stuff. Eventually staying sober. I pray for all the struggling addicts. And families. I know how you feel, thinking maybe hes got it and he will stay sober and feeling happy but sleeping with one ear open waiting for that call but cant help but to feel happy while it lasted. It truly sucks


Active Member
I too am very sad to hear he relapsed. I too think its positive he checked himself into detox. He made progress and now a big step backward, so awfully hard to understand.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks to all.

Yes benzos are like poison to him and he knows this. A lot of people take them for anxiety but when he gets them he just gets high til they are gone. His girlfriend said he knows he shouldn't have gotten them and he doesn't want to live that lifestyle - but he did anyway. He did go to detox with her urging.

I know that a lot of people can take them as prescribed and be fine but my son cannot. I am angry that he refuses to get to the bottom of his problem. Why does he go on binges? How can he stop it if he doesn't know the reason why.

I am feeling very detached today so that is a good thing.


My son just a prescription for benzos from a doctor. I am sure he won't be able to handle them. I was shocked.

It sounds like your best move here was recognizing the manipulation of saying it's because he misses you. I know how painful it is, but you sound strong.


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Benzoes are my daughter's Achilles heel. She told me recently she would take Xanax over heroin if she was given a choice. And, yes, doctors kept prescribing them to her even knowing that she is an addict.

RN, I am so sorry. I think you knew this was coming. Your son never seemed liked he was truly into recovery. I often felt that he was doing just enough to keep you connected to him and getting financial support from you and your husband.

I am glad that you have your therapist and that you and your husband are on the same page. That is so important.




Well-Known Member
I am so sorry RN but I love your detachment. Our community has been reporting a great deal on drug addiction recently and they keep saying that relapse is almost always inevitable and has to be part of the the treatment. At least people are finally realizing that and building it into treatment. We just added 80 more beds to our sober living center connected to the Y. It's a drop in the bucket of what's needed but more are expected and very welcomed.

I hope your son is at the point where he wants a different life. That is the only time he will finally decide to get and stay sober, when staying the same becomes too difficult.

My thoughts are with you.


Well-Known Member
I agree with Kathy. I think many of our difficult adult children do what we ask in a half arse way so that they can keep getting our money for whatever. I also agree with Nancy that as long as they are not doing it strictly because they want it, it wont happen. Often WE can be part of the problem. Until Kathy pulled out completely, Nancy pulled out, I pulled out....our adult kids did not do it.

I think our adult kids have the best chance if wr do it that way. Doesnt mean it will always work.

Hoping your son is serious for himself this time. One day it WILL happen. Probably when you get too tired of it to help him at all, but hopefully before that!! Light and love!


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks all.

I think he thought he could do it on his own. I think he is on a fence. I keep seeing him on it in my mind. I still do not know if he is ready and really accepts what he has and what he needs. He talks out of both sides of his mouth. I'm again letting his dad communicate with him instead of me.

I may sound strong but I wake up every night after a few hours of sleep and my mind is filled with thoughts of him. The good and the bad and the future. It is all so VERY painful and I know that you all know exactly what I mean.

My gut is telling me this is not the last time. My gut is always right.