So sad and disappointed in my 25yr old daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shannon Lucas, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Shadeluc

    Shadeluc New Member

    Found out today that my daughter has been stealing from my mom. She claims it's not her but it's either her or one of the 3 people she hangs out with. None of them have jobs. My mom doesn't wanna press charges but I'm just not sure. I know it might ruin the rest of her life but I also think it may be the wake up call she needs. I just don't know.
  2. overcome mom

    overcome mom Member

    Is this the first time you think your daughter has stolen? Does she live with your Mom? If this is a new occurrence I personally would not report it to the police but that doesn't mean that I think you should ignore it . She and her friends should not be in the position again to steal from your Mom and the money or whatever should be returned. It is so very depressing to find out that someone we love could do something like that to someone else we love. My son stole from my husband and I. We felt so very violated and sad. I still don't know why he did it. I think it was for drug money. I asked him once years later and he said it wasn't but wouldn't tell me why. Still think it was drugs.
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I think it's up to your mother.

    Had she stolen from you, it would be your call.

    Is your daughter on drugs?

    I don't think there are wake up calls for our kids that we have any control over. I think the wake up calls are to us. I hope your mother understands that she is at risk around your daughter and takes appropriate steps. And you too.

    If a child is stealing or abusive to us, we are the ones who have to wake up.
  4. Momma

    Momma New Member

    One of my house rules for my children were if you have friends over and they do something it is like you did something. You pay the consequences for their behavior so choose wisely on who you invite to our home. I suggest your daughter pay it back regardless of who took it.
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry to hear this.

    Does your daughter live with you? Why doesn't she work? She is an adult.

    I agree that this could be a sign of drug use because it is very common for them to steal from family members for drug money.
  6. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    I’m sorry you have this pain. What I can tell you is my son just recently overdosed on cold medications. He’s ok but was in the hospital overnight. First time I had to call 911 because he wasn’t responding to me. He’s 24. Now going back when he was 17, we got a call from a security guard at a department store. He was caught shoplifting cold medications. They let him go if we signed a paper and he wasn’t allowed back in the store. We also had to pay money to their lawyer. I didn’t know that at the time they let him go. Anyway, if I could go back, I would have them call the cops and arrest him. Maybe I wouldn’t be about to kick him out of my house. Hope for the best for you.
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Call the police.

    Your daughter has been out of control for a long time. She needs some consequences for her actions, or she will never change.

    She is on the path to much bigger problems if she isn’t stopped.
  8. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    She took advantage of her grandma. If a person is 25, unemployed, and living with grandma, they better be doing all the things around the yard and house that grandma can't do anymore. That includes taking grandma where she needs to go if she can no longer drive. Not bringing over sketchy characters.

    Grandma would have to be the one to press charges.
  9. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    It is not necessarily up to grandma to press charges.

    You can call Aging and Disability Services to look into the situation of possible elder abuse, if grandma is over age (62, I think), or someone of any age with a disability.

    If daughter is living with grandma or bringing sketchy people to her house, I would do this.

    They must investigate all situations when a call is made.
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  10. 2TiredMom

    2TiredMom New Member

    And as I work for a state AAA, that call is confidential. They don’t ever have to know who made it and you also won’t know the outcome of the call. It’s very confidential. Even I don’t know about someone’s case and I work here.
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with Apple and 2tired.

    I was wrong. It may be your mother's call to press charges herself but it is your call to file an elder abuse complaint.

    I would talk to my mother to work through her barriers to filing a police report. As far as calling the police myself, I don't know. You would be putting your mother into a situation that she is not asking for. And if she is not willing to press charges, it would be a win for daughter. That's why I would work it through with her, first.

    The elder abuse complaint. Yes. That is your right and ogligation.

    How very hard.
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
  12. Shadeluc

    Shadeluc New Member

    Well, she got arrested last night for felony possession and tampering with evidence. Bond is set at $12,500 but pretrial is working on possible PR bond. I'm sad she has done something that will negatively affect the rest of her life but I'm hoping this is what will turn things around for her.
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    One could argue the reverse: that she has done something that could well positively affect the rest of her life. The arrest just mirrors the reality of the thing, the reality of her life. It is the logical consequence. Now she has a chance to change. Maybe the judge will mandate residential drug treatment as an alternative to incarceration. I hope so. I'm sorry.
  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    If you are using your real name, it would be a good idea to change to an anonymous user name. Runnawaybunny the site admin will change it if you send her a PM in the inbox which is above right.