Our 39 year old son has been abusing alcohol and/or other drugs for 20 years. He went to a 30-day inpatient treatment 4 years ago for alcohol and opioids. He was sober for nearly 2 years and then turned to street drugs (meth). He is articulate, handsome, charming and holds a law degree, but after several attempts at passing (and failing) our state's bar exams, he has held mostly only part time jobs until his most recent one. He lost his latest job 3 months ago due to excessive absenteeism. He held that job for 14 months - the longest he has ever held a full-time job. He also struggles, and is treated for, major depression. He is married and has a 12 year old daughter, but he and his wife haven't lived together for the past 9 months. He has lived in our home for the past 10 months. His wife is also an addict (who believes she is in recovery, even though she deliberately overdoses on her depression medication and sleeping pills). She has anorexia and bulimia and has been diagnosed with a serious mental disorder in addition to the eating disorder. It became frighteningly clear to us that our son's drug use had escalated over the past year. Even facing homelessness, he refused to go to treatment. A week ago yesterday we filed, and were granted, an involuntary commitment order and he was placed in a drug treatment program at one of our local hospitals. We were informed right away that he would probably only be in residential treatment for 8 - 10 days and then transferred to intensive outpatient treatment. He was released yesterday. We have enabled him his entire life, but had been making strides in starting to take care of ourselves. But now that he is in treatment, we're not sure how much or how little to do. He took it upon himself to choose a program that lasts two hours longer each day than the other one he could have chosen. He knew that he couldn't move back in here, so slept in his car last night and then came here to shower before his meeting. My friends want me to ban him from the house and stop taking his phone calls. The fear is that while he can't spend the night here, he will still be here a good deal of the time. We have no desire to ban him from our home or not talk to him. Although he was forced into treatment, he didn't contest it at the hearing, and is embracing it and doing what he's supposed to do. We put $15 of gas in his car so that he could take his daughter back home and get to his meetings, but haven't given him any cash. He probably will not try to use in treatment because he will be tested everyday, and put back into lock-up in the hospital if he fails a test. While I'm not sure how he manages it, he sometimes doesn't use (when he's not working and has no money). We learned long ago not to give him any cash. He needs to get a part time job, for the money, of course, but also to keep himself occupied after his meetings end at 4:00 in the afternoon. He can't/won't go to his in-laws. He can't hang out with the friends that he has had since elementary and junior high because they all drink. Even though he has used drugs, he hasn't lived what you might think of as the typical "druggie" lifestyle. In other words, he doesn't socialize with whomever supplies the drugs. He's been pretty good at hiding it until more recently when he lost a ton of weight and started to look older. My point being - he has no place to go. Since he used drugs in our home, in the basement, he has been told that the basement is off-limits. However, last night he did laundry and hung out watching TV down there while he was doing it. Before that, he spent several hours with his daughter. I need guidance. Part of the reason I said that the basement is off limits (aside from the drug use) is that he isolates himself down there. But another part of me says that making rules like that when we KNOW he's not using seems kind of punitive. We have always told him that if he's helping himself, we're helping him. The next step for him is to get that job if he wants to prove that he's actually "helping himself". Is it enabling him to do very small things (such as putting gas in his car) when he just got released yesterday and hasn't had the opportunity to find a job? And when he's in treatment everyday, all day? The "no job" situation has to be rectified immediately, but in the meantime, is it enabling him to help him a little? Sometimes there's a fine line between enabling and being kind, especially when he's accepting treatment. We are going to our first family meeting at the treatment center tonight, and there will be Al-a-non volunteers there, so I will be asking a lot of these same questions. Thanks!