Son showed up this am....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Aug 21, 2017.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    The doorbell rings at 7am and its oldest son.... he doesn't have a key.

    He says he is trying to stay clean and may want to stay with us for a week. According to him, he has been drinking on weekends and it's getting out of control. Of course I knew he was using something.... I asked if he was using drugs also and he said he does when drinking.

    I asked if he wants to go to detox again. He said maybe. He asked if he could stay here a week. I didn't say no, instead told him I will not be his jailer, and if he needs detox, let's call and see if they have any open beds.

    We talked at length about what he wants in life. He says he really wants the art school... but I think he is nervous. Which is understandable.... he has gone to school four out of the last five years and failed all but the first one. He drops out usually by week four. Why would this be different?

    I am hoping this is his turnaround but it's hard to be optimistic if he is using. He needs to make sure that is being addressed. Addcition is not something to take lightly....I know this. I also sense he really doesn't want to be using anymore.

    He came by at supper last night and stayed until 230am and then was back at our house at 7am. I could tell he hasn't been using and he said he is trying not to.

    I did stress I'm not willing to be his jailer and if he wants to stay sober he has to do it. I don't mind helping him plan or talking but I can't be responsible. He said again he may stay here but I told him he used here all the time, how is it different?

    He is sitting here now watching tv and my heart is in my throat. He has been more like his old self. We had a really nice evening last night talking and watching shows we both enjoy- last night with John Oliver, and GOT. He is such a smart guy and could be so successful but he has an addiction and I am not able to help him with that. I know this now.

    He wants so badly to be a better person, I know this. I want him to be a better person, a happier person. He hates the the person he has become.

    Sigh.... I told him tackle one goal at a time. Call the college this am and make sure he is all registered for fall, then call detox. He is still wanting to stay here but I will try to persuade him to go back to detox.

    Wish me luck
     
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  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I wish you peace with whatever your decide. I pray that your son is sincere in his desire for sobriety and is willing to do the hard work.
     
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh I know the stress this out you under Colleen. My heart is with you.
    One question to ask is detox, rehab and school all a bit too much at one. Is this setting him up for failure?
    As tough as it is we have made the decision to focus on a long term rehab (Portage or Pine River), we are waiting for a bed. We are cancelling his enrolment in full time school to complete high school. He is simply no ready and has too much to focus on with court and rehab.
    I know your son is older but this might be something to consider.
    I am very hopeful that your son is on the right path and will stick to being clean and sober.
     
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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Colleen

    The saddest thing of all is they DO want to change and they DO want a better life but they don't know HOW to do it.

    My son has been in rehabs for the past several years and I wonder where his head is when he's there. He's not wanting it heart and soul.

    I realize now that nothing less will do.

    My son has written me a few letters the past few years describing how this is not my burden and not to blame myself. I have told him that he has to do this. He said it is SO hard. It is SO hard. I told him I do not care HOW hard it is. He MUST do it. Basically he HAS to do it. It's like having a cavity. It will not go away. It keeps getting worse. Eventually you have to take care of it!! Yet I see that even with all the rehab his disease is progressing sadly.
     
  5. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I totally agree that school may be too much for him but he is adamant he is going. He says it's why he wants to be better.

    I honestly am just trying to keep myself sane. Of course today was the day I was going back to my new school to try and get set up before my official back to work day next Monday. I went anyway, met my new principal and had a good morning.

    I came home to him sleeping, which is understandable as he didn't sleep last night. Not sure I want to wake him. I told him I was home and he barely woke up. I am not going to push it. He told me to wake him when I got home but I don't feel like I want to nag. I am over that.

    When he wakes I will try to see how he feels about calling detox again.
     
  6. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I wish he could live in a soberliving environment and attend school. I've seen this, but is he rushing things?

    You both deserve a break and good news.

    Cherish those good times and peaceful moments.