myfirstandlast
Member
I don't know how to even begin summing up.
My stepdaughter came to live with us 18 months ago at 14 y.o. because she was defiant, physically aggressive with her mother, and suspected of using drugs (weed) and alcohol. Her mom couldn't control her, and we thought we could give her a fresh new start ...
We've had ups and downs but nothing "huge" until last fall when the school called to say she was reported to have taken some pills and also given them to a friend. She had stolen my prescription Darvocet and they were using them to get high; a friend reported her afraid she'd overdose (she'd taken 4).
She was suspended for 2 weeks and warned that she could have been expelled, and that the police could have been involved, because she was technically "trafficking a narcotic" ... and we thought she was sufficiently scared ...
We locked up our medications, but not much else we could do. Things seemed okay, she was in school-required drug counseling and not causing too much trouble overall. Then she got busted a second time with stolen prescription drugs at school ... she had taken her grandmother's Ambien while visiting with her mom, and was so high and out of control at school that once again a friend fearing for her safety told the authorities.
She was suspended for 2 weeks again, and had already been failing several classes, so when she returned right before school was dismissed, she failed 9th grade English (refused to read required book) and Algebra. She refused to go to summer school and will have to take these classes in 10th grade, become a "super senior" and is, in my opinion, a great dropout risk. She does not care.
Last week of school she got a new boyfriend: almost 20 year old with drug and alcohol problems, less than honorably discharged from the Army, juvi record, and friends that care enough about our daughter to come and visit her parents and tell us that we should keep her away from him. *sigh*
When hubby got home late a few weeks ago and discovered she wasn't in her bed, we discovered she'd been sneaking out during the night to see him, getting a ride to town from who knows who, partying all night and then sneaking back in and sleeping in. When she got home at 4 a.m. and we'd locked her window, she took off and was gone for 24 hours. She called once to say she was safe but not saying where she was or who she was with, and that she wanted to be emancipated, etc. After some digging we found out where she was and contacted the boyfriend's mother, who brought her home.
It's been a rocky few weeks, with her trying to earn some privileges back, but everything exploded last night. I'm not sure how it started, we'd been playing a board game and laughing. I guess she wanted to set off some fireworks, and her dad said to wait until he got there, and she didn't. They started arguing, he went to knock a paper plate of firecrackers out of her hands and either the plate or his hand accidently struck her face and she came unglued. She swore and screamed at him, compared him to her abusive ex-stepfather (the cruelest thing she could possibly do) and took off again.
He's a mess, he blames himself for everything, and she does not respect him, me or the other kids ... they usually try to stick up for each other but lately they've been really upset with her and her actions and lies. I've always tried to stay out of the way of my husband's dealings with his daughter and be supportive of him, but lately I've been really concerned for the younger kids' well-being and I'm past my breaking point ... I really want her to go back to her moms at this point. She wants that too, but I think mom has said no. husband doesn't want that, she's got a completely loose rein to do what she wants there, but he also doesn't know what else we can do here.
Anyway, I told all the kids, two weeks ago; anyone disappears during the night like that again, I'm calling the police. I'm not sure if husband is ready for that, or what happens next ... what they can do. Hoping for advice, and the clarity to know the right idea (for us) when I see it.
Thanks for enduring the long read.
My stepdaughter came to live with us 18 months ago at 14 y.o. because she was defiant, physically aggressive with her mother, and suspected of using drugs (weed) and alcohol. Her mom couldn't control her, and we thought we could give her a fresh new start ...
We've had ups and downs but nothing "huge" until last fall when the school called to say she was reported to have taken some pills and also given them to a friend. She had stolen my prescription Darvocet and they were using them to get high; a friend reported her afraid she'd overdose (she'd taken 4).
She was suspended for 2 weeks and warned that she could have been expelled, and that the police could have been involved, because she was technically "trafficking a narcotic" ... and we thought she was sufficiently scared ...
We locked up our medications, but not much else we could do. Things seemed okay, she was in school-required drug counseling and not causing too much trouble overall. Then she got busted a second time with stolen prescription drugs at school ... she had taken her grandmother's Ambien while visiting with her mom, and was so high and out of control at school that once again a friend fearing for her safety told the authorities.
She was suspended for 2 weeks again, and had already been failing several classes, so when she returned right before school was dismissed, she failed 9th grade English (refused to read required book) and Algebra. She refused to go to summer school and will have to take these classes in 10th grade, become a "super senior" and is, in my opinion, a great dropout risk. She does not care.
Last week of school she got a new boyfriend: almost 20 year old with drug and alcohol problems, less than honorably discharged from the Army, juvi record, and friends that care enough about our daughter to come and visit her parents and tell us that we should keep her away from him. *sigh*
When hubby got home late a few weeks ago and discovered she wasn't in her bed, we discovered she'd been sneaking out during the night to see him, getting a ride to town from who knows who, partying all night and then sneaking back in and sleeping in. When she got home at 4 a.m. and we'd locked her window, she took off and was gone for 24 hours. She called once to say she was safe but not saying where she was or who she was with, and that she wanted to be emancipated, etc. After some digging we found out where she was and contacted the boyfriend's mother, who brought her home.
It's been a rocky few weeks, with her trying to earn some privileges back, but everything exploded last night. I'm not sure how it started, we'd been playing a board game and laughing. I guess she wanted to set off some fireworks, and her dad said to wait until he got there, and she didn't. They started arguing, he went to knock a paper plate of firecrackers out of her hands and either the plate or his hand accidently struck her face and she came unglued. She swore and screamed at him, compared him to her abusive ex-stepfather (the cruelest thing she could possibly do) and took off again.
He's a mess, he blames himself for everything, and she does not respect him, me or the other kids ... they usually try to stick up for each other but lately they've been really upset with her and her actions and lies. I've always tried to stay out of the way of my husband's dealings with his daughter and be supportive of him, but lately I've been really concerned for the younger kids' well-being and I'm past my breaking point ... I really want her to go back to her moms at this point. She wants that too, but I think mom has said no. husband doesn't want that, she's got a completely loose rein to do what she wants there, but he also doesn't know what else we can do here.
Anyway, I told all the kids, two weeks ago; anyone disappears during the night like that again, I'm calling the police. I'm not sure if husband is ready for that, or what happens next ... what they can do. Hoping for advice, and the clarity to know the right idea (for us) when I see it.
Thanks for enduring the long read.