I have been lurking on CD for a couple of years and even set up a profile, but I could never get up the courage to post. However tonight, I felt compelled to let you all know how much it has meant to me to read everyone ESH during this time. I know I am not alone in this fight. I have joined NAMI and Al Anon trying to use my voice to advocate for better treatment facilities for those suffering with mental illness and addiction. It is an up hill fight as so many people don't understand and don't want to. I think it is fear. A sick brain is scary and I have had my share of being afraid of the eradicate and unstable behavior it manifest. My Borderline (BPD) daughter is stable for today but hates the medication's side effect. She hates feeling like she is in cement. But all the manic episodes she has had over the years, I tell her cement is better than the alternative of jail or death. It has been a struggle for her to come to acceptance of her illness. Through your ESH, I have really been working hard to take care of me and nurturing my interchild along with developing strong boundaries that protect my sanity. This has ultimately helped us all. I have come to realize the only person I can change is me and with that knowledge has come great power. Thank you all, and especially those who keep it going behind the scenes. I don't think I would have made it this far without your dedication to maintaining it.