The kids are in town, and I'm not sure what to do.

[Shari]

difficult child 1 and his family will be here this weekend. We are having a birthday party for the baby at ex-mother in law's on Saturday afternoon, and a bonfire at home that evening. difficult child 1 has invited a lot of family and friends.
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Since DEX's whack job girlfriend asked me to help her leave DEX, things have been peaceful on that front. She kicked DEX out, but he threatened to kill himself, and, long story short, she took him back, so they are together, but she has left Wee alone since. I have run into her one time about 3 weeks ago and she went out of her way to smile, wave, and speak to me ("have a good day!" and "see you later!") Beyond that, she has left everything alone, and it has been wonderful.
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I imagine that DEX will be at the birthday party; thus whack-job will be, too. I am really, really worried that this will prompt a resurgence of the "just add water instant family" BS with her. I foresee her wanting Wee for the family pictures again, and a renewed interest in her "new" sons and grandson (her words, not mine).
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I had a shoot on Saturday that I have since withdrawn my entry for since the kids will be here, but I am tempted to still go, simply so I'll be skipping the party so Wee is not even exposed, but that is so unfair to him. Any thoughts? This is really eating up my mind. I'll be glad when its over.

 

[susiestar]

Does Wee WANT to go to the party? Is he comfortable in the large group, esp with relatives who will expect him to act a certain way? Family ties are important, but only if they are healthy.

There is no need to say " I won't go if she goes", but quietly keeping your vulnerable child away from the party may be what you need to do to cut toxic people out of your life. I don't have a good answer, but your instincts are usually right. Follow them.

 

[Shari]

Wee doesn't know they are coming in yet, he will get stuck on it and we will hear nothing but "when are they coming"... so he doesn't know. I am sure he will want to go.

If my bro and nephew come down, Wee will hook up with nephew, and it will be fine because he'll be off in his own world. If they don't come, there is a real question about how well he'll handle the party for the exact reasons you've mentioned. Historically, he handles about an hour of the people he doesn't know well.

I talked to exMIL. She says whack-job has some recognition that DEX is NOT the father figure of her dreams, which makes me feel slightly better, but she also validated my concerns 110%. For now, I'm going to sit on it. If my brother doesn't come down, we will likely not go to the party. If he does, we'll weigh the rest of the options.

 

[Shari]

I just found out that my bro is coming, so unless exMIL or I hear or see something that suggests whack-job will resume her antics, I am planning to go at this point. Bro hasn't seen difficult child 1 in 2+ years, so if things go south either with Wee or whack-job, I will take Wee and nephew and we'll just go home, let bro stay and continue visiting. They will all be at my house shortly after that party, anyway...