The latest with difficult child

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Well I have been having a bit more contact with difficult child and last night we had a FB convo. It is a big relief to me to have contact with him. So he is travelling with a friend who was kicked out of the program... no real details as to why but I am sure they are not good. But they are hitchhiking through CA. My difficult child did ask us to get him a backpackers backpack as a birthday present and we have agreed to do that. I kind of wanted to get him something for his birthday and that is a good solid practical gift... so we are coordinating today at a store in both places so that I can pay for it and he can pick it up. Maybe this is enabling, but to me it is showing we support and love him still.

In the process I got to ask him some questions... so I know he is with this male friend (phew much better than if he was with a female friend), I know where he is. He said he is losing weight from burning more energy than he is taking in.... but when I asked him his weight it is still reasonable. I asked him why they were travelling north and his answer was his friend knows some people and it is an adventure.

Oh he has no id at all... he did ask me how to get a passport and that is how it came out he has no id on him. So I asked him to do me a favor and put somewhere in his stuff his name and our phone numbers and he said he has already done that. Phew.

So I know it is not much to be thankful for but I am thankful. Thankful that his name and our phone numbers are with him in case something happens to him. He is not alone, he is with a friend, even though said friend is likel as messed up as difficult child. He is doing something, other than hanging on a corner looking for a fix....my worst fantasy was him on a street corner shooting up heroin. (No idea what substances he is using). Dont get me wrong I am sure they are getting high when they can but at least they are also doing something. Its crazy and it may not last long but that is ok. And I am thankful that he is in touch with me.

TL

 

[Nancy]

I'm thankful that he got in touch with you also. It seems like your difficult child wants an adventure and in many ways my difficult child would love to do the same thing, backpack around the country and beyond. She would think nothign of going to a foreign country with no money and just experience and adventure. I know it's hard for you and I to understand that. But if he is lucid enough to backpack through an adventure he sounds like he is at least taking care of his basic needs. Who knows TL, he may find what he is looking for through this. Something along the way may excite him enough to want to stop and pursue it. I think getting him the backpack is an ideal gift. You are not enabling him. There is no sense in holding out with the expectation he is going to come crying home, he has already proven that he is resourceful enough. It just makes his treak a bit easier.

I'm glad you are a little more at peace having heard from him. After all, all we want is for our difficult child's to be safe.

Nancy

 

[lovemysons]

TL,
I am so thankful that you and difficult child got to communicate too! I think I must pray for your son as much as I do for my own. I am so glad he is safe. Sounds like he and friend are enjoying their "adventure"...I took one too when I was around 17, went and lived with a friend up in the mountains of Colorado, lol, even took my dog! Eventually husband and I moved up to the mts of Colorado as it was always our dream destination. Sigh, then my son's began using up there and my answer was to move back to Tx...what a mistake as the drugs "followed them".

Anyway, I don't think the backpack is enabling. Like you said it is a good practical gift.
Hope your son continues to stay in touch.
hugs,
LMS

 

[Calamity Jane]

TL,
I'm so glad you had a nice FB convo with-difficult child - I'm sure that puts your heart at rest a little bit. Whatever difficult children are missing in some areas, they more than compensate for it in other areas, like resourcefulness. I swear, difficult children could run the world, or at least run corporations like Apple if they set their minds to it! If I left the house to walk the dog without my ID, I would panic. Sheesh! I'm glad you're getting him the backpack - maybe the store you're buying it from also sells protein bars, and they can throw some in, too, and maybe gloves, a hat, a blanket, water bottles, hiking boots, first aid kit. lol......

 

[DammitJanet]

Sounds like a nice conversation. Your son reminds me of kids a generation or so ago. Just think of how many kids went out on adventures in the 60's and 70's! Parents didnt worry as much but maybe they should have...lol.

 

[Signorina]

I am so glad he is in touch and that he is not alone. Please keep us updated

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks all... yeah our parents didnt worry near as much, but of course nowadays with cell phones we expect to be kept a lot more informed... sometimes we would be better off not knowing I am sure.

I did get him the backpack today... we coordinated enough to go to the same store at the same time on opposite sides of the country! Luckily I had a wonderful sales woman who helped me do this. I ended up, like Jane suggested getting him a couple of other things (a tarp, some rope, a coffee pot) and then because I am a mom some food!!

I came home tonight and got a nice thank you message from my son. It is nice to get a thank you without him asking for something else. LOL.

So he is having his adventure... and I keep thinking if he was really strung out on drugs he would not be managing to call me and coordinate getting to the store at the same time, or walking the 5 miles, or figuring out other things he is having to figure out.

TL

 

[Calamity Jane]

That was a really nice gift, TL. I'm hoping also that difficult child and his friend, while not in treatment per se, are focused, are encouraging each other in a healthy way, and are working things out. difficult child knows you love him; that's the most important thing!

 

[recoveringenabler]

I'm happy to hear your update TL, perhaps this adventure he's on will be something that changes his perspective on life, the 'heroes journey', leaving the parents and finding his way in the world.