Things here

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Oct 9, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi Everyone,

    Well i havent written an update lately because i havent had much to report. I just keep on going with my life even though i dont really know where my son is or what he is doing. I know the area he is in but have no real way to reach him except through facebook....which he only checks sporadically. So when i see activity on facebook i relax for a few days because then at least i know he is alive, and then when there is nothing i start to worry.

    A week ago out of the blue he put a little picture with a heart that said i love you mom!! I was touched as it has been a long time since he has told me that. Since then there has been nothing! So then of course i have started to worry...what if that was his last message to me before dying? Would i even know he died. It is just an awful feeling to have no idea.

    So my husband and i have talked about it and for my peace of mind i want him to have a phone. My easy child will be getting a new phone and so we are going to send my old phone to a friend in the city where difficult child is....and put a message on fb and maybe through that he will make contact with my friend out there.

    I also did a fb message to one of my sons friends who he had apparently been with recently. I dont know this kid at all but i really was starting to go nuts. Anyway i sent him a messagea telling him i was worried and was difficult child ok. I got a message that difficult child was alright and i didnt need to i just have to trust that is true. It has to do for now.

    It is hard but i am keeping my head above water....and trying focus on other things in my life such as pcs college search.

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL this is excrutiatingly painful, to not know where your son is and hope that you get some kind of notice that he is OK. It tugs at my heartstrings. I understand about the phone. That is why we are still paying for difficult child's, I just can't give that last available contact up.

    Sending hope that he will contact your friend and the phone will give him the willingness to reach out.

  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm sending many caring hugs out to you, and prayers for your son. Prayers for peace for you, too. For him to send that FB message, to specifically send that to you when it's obvious that he is infrequently able to connect to FB, was a caring outreach; he knows you love him and are worried about him - he recognizes that and is responding in kind.
    I hope he accepts the phone. I'll pray that he uses the phone to call you or your contacts to accept help. Maybe he feels deep down that he's disappointed you so many times by accepting help, and then cutting out without finishing the work he has to do. I'm pulling for him to work these things through, even though it's so tough sometimes. Thanks for the update.
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    TL, I know how u feel. I've kept difficult child's phone "on", just so I know he is breathing. I can remember many weekends where I would literally hold my breath until I saw that he had used his phone - usually after 3 pm on sat or Sunday.

    I think u r doing the right thing. {{{hugs}}}
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Add me to the list of phone providers...the phone difficult child had was shut off so I turned the old one back on. The not knowing if she was alive was killing me. She never posts anything on Facebook anymore so that phone is all I have.

    Sometimes we just need to do what we need to to make ourselves feel better. (((HUGS)))
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL, I'm so sorry. You are in such a terrible place, not knowing. I would have done the same thing with the phone, as you said, for your peace of mind. (((HUGS)))
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    TL, I keep your son in my prayers.

  8. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I would have done the same with the phone. I'm sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs to you.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Do what you need to do. I think the fb post was wonderful though. Oh one thing...before you send your old phone to your son, put a life360 on it or some other family locator type app. That way you can actually see where he is all the time. I am assuming it will be a smart phone right? I would want to be able to see where he was. But that is just me.
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Its not a smart phone but we did put a family locator on it and tested it out. I think he can turn that feature off if he figures out it is on there..... but maybe at this point he wouldnt bother unless he is running from someone.

  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well the family locator only works for someone he accepts into his circle so unless he adds them he wouldnt have to worry about them locating him if he doesnt add them.