Tis the Season

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Mancouso, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. Mancouso

    Mancouso New Member

    Hello everyone, I’m new here and found this site in search of solutions for my son’s mental illness and drug addictions. I’ve read most of the posts and find it comforting that I’m not alone on this difficult road.

    For the past two years my son has been progressively deteriorating; his poor academics, choices of friends, and lack of respect towards family are now at an intolerable level. He failed on-line school twice and was placed back in regular school this year because I couldn’t have him sitting at home all day on Face book and scheming with friends on how to acquire drugs. I feared he would fall in with the wrong crowd at the new high school (despite his assurances to the contrary), but had no other choice as he lacks responsibility and initiative.

    This evening, I overheard him mention to his younger brother a desire to walk to the corner store to buy soda. I knew it was a ploy and followed them on foot to the local Wal-Mart. As expected, he went directly to the drug isle and proceeded to pocket two packages of Nyquil tablets. His trip to the bathroom to “down” the Nyquil tablets was then cut short by my sudden appearance (I found out later from the younger son that the older was pressuring him to start taking drugs too. He was greatly relieved to see me intervene). While following my two sons, I alerted Wal-Mart management to the thief in their midst and subsequently involved the local police to review the security tapes. Like always, the lies flowed effortlessly from his lips about his true intentions for being there, in complete contradiction to the video of him stealing the product off the shelf. Sadly, he believed his own lies.

    His defiant behavior appears to be escalating. In the past few months, I’ve had the police search for him twice because he chose not to return home by the allotted time (days later). In my son’s mind, there is nothing wrong. Instead, he believes his parents are hindering his happiness and controlling his life. Tragically, he is content to illustrate to his younger sibling how to begin a life of drug abuse and is determined to continue along the path of destruction despite the consequences.

    Additional pertinent information:
    It appears he has attached to a new pier group, most likely one that has a greater propensity for illicit behavior. He no longer has access to a computer or phone because he uses them to set up drug connections with his friends. He is failing high school, uses his parent’s resources without regard for their feelings, and can’t wait to land a job to finance his drug habit. He is currently receiving counseling through military channels and prescribed medication for a number of ailments (His attention deficit disorder at school is most likely a result of withdrawal symptoms). His real father and grandfather are both mentally ill and non-productive members ofsociety. He has been rejected by his real father for ten years; a major factor which contributes to most of his actions today but does not justify the behavior. He will take any type of drug that is available.

    This conduct cannot exist in my home any longer. For the sake of my family’s sanity, safety, and future, something must change now. I’ve explained to my son that his current choices will only lead to an emergency room, prison, or an untimely death. He remains unfazed. Tomorrow, I plan to call his medical provider and try to get him enrolled in a residential treatment center. Hope will not save him, but faith and action might.
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am so sorry to read your story. I know this is very difficult. Please stay in touch and let us know how it works out. How old is your son?
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you are doing the right thing. He is going to escalate unless you intervene now. I'm not sure I read how old your son is but he is still a minor and it's important to step in now before he becomes an adult. I am sorry that you are dealing with this.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Very sad and very similar to many families here. I hope he can be properly diagnosed soon and find the treatment he needs. Good luck, stay strong, and caring hugs sent out to you...
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So sorry you have to go through this, but you are doing the right thing, trying to get him help before things get worse. Better yet, just getting him away from his peer group in residential can't hurt. Good luck and keep us posted.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and welcome. I have learned the hard way that it is better to intervene sooner than later. I think you are on the right track and I admire your quick action in the Wal-mart incident.

    Please add a signature like the one you see below so we will be able to give you better advice. It helps us understand your situation if we know the age and history of your difficult child.

    Here is a link to help you add your signature: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f7/signatures-8399/

    Also, here is a link to help you become familiar with our acronyms: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f7/board-abbreviations-acronyms-8/

  7. Mancouso

    Mancouso New Member

    I figured an update was in order. I took difficult child to an appointment with juvenile intakelast week because it is required for children arrested by the police. Surprisingly, the case worker offered up afew points which gained some traction. She asked him about long terms goals and how he planned on reachingthem, working back to which actions right now would positively affect hisfuture. He also seemed to accept her simple commonsense advice on other topics as well, the same advice I’ve been giving him foryears.
    Every now and then, a window opens into his soul, a lucid momentwhen he will transmit information openly and freely, conversing openly aboutlife and his choices. It is surreal andmomentary, as the window closes all too soon. I believe he wants to live up to all the expectations his family has forhim, but capitulates in a desire to feel accepted among his peers, an act whichleads him farther down the road of abuse and addiction (like any addiction, italways takes the person farther then they wanted to go).
    Right now, I hold him to a very strict standard ofconduct. Either he communicates exactlywhere he will be and when he will be home or I’ll have the police come pick himup. This is the only method of parentingthat works. He needs concrete boundariesor he will take advantage of any leeway, which leads me to the final commentthe case worker made during our meeting. I think she scared him with the words, “If you keep getting in trouble,your parents will no longer be in charge of you, and the courts will step in.” He now realizes that if his “file” gets toobig, he will become a ward of the state.
    Me: Military officer,married 11 years
    difficult child: 16, anxiety disorder, insecure, but good with animals and small children.

  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I truly hope this intervention with the juvenile intake has made a lasting impression. Sadly my daughter had many such discussions with our juvenile officer and others in the juvenile court system and while it made an impression at the time, very shortly after she went back to her old ways with her loser friends. I hope he is different and takes to heart what you are trying to do to get him on the right path.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think things do have a possibly positive sound to things. Are you dealing with the military police and the military side of the justice department or have you moved over to the civilian courts? If you are still dealing with the military police well I can see why they may actually scare your child a bit more than some of our civilian cops. MP's can have a bit more power in some ways. Depending on where you are and which branch you are in, things really could get dicey for him. I am sure you are not happy with him at all and he has to know it. I think its a testament to your will that you havent strangled him...lol.