Tomorrow is the day....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Apr 21, 2016.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    So both sons have finished exams. I know oldest son failed at least one course, as he left his email open. I haven't said anything to him. Trying to just back off. It makes him crazy when I snoop.... I get it. Younger son seems to have done ok on exams so far.

    Oldest has an appointment with a career counsellor tomorrow, and I have been waiting for him to decide what road he is taking from here on out.

    We have told both boys we will not pay tuition in the fall. We feel they need to have some responsibility in their
    own education. I can see us helping younger son winter term if he does well fall term.

    I think they both will be out of the house by fall, which is a good thing for all of us. We love our boys but I want some peace and quiet, and time for my husband and I to heal from the last few chaotic years.

    Oldest son was up today, it was nice out and he was with friends. That is a good thing .

    I'm taking the little successes, and trying not to focus on only the bad.... Like the failed course.
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  2. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi Colleen.
    Seems like you've gained some clarity and that little/big step = more peace. It's good for them to invest in their own education. We paid for our three who went to college, tuition/board ( we had all 3 in at once for one yr. my whole payck. :() but they worked 20+ hrs week and fulltime in summers to pay for car ins. gas, books and all extras. I really think that it made them feel more adult that way, knowing they had to save toward it.
    It is evident how much you love them-but you are so right regarding you needing to heal. Stay strong. Let them figure it out, it is theirs to do and that is as it should be. Prayers.
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  3. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    I hope things went well today with your son and the career advisor. Praying for positive next steps to become clear to him. Taking the little successes is exactly what I am trying to do as well. Good advice for everyone.
  4. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Oldest son went to career counsellor. Seems to think it may help him, hoping he finds work soon.

    We aren't sure what he is planning for his future, but we have stopped asking as he says its stresses him out that we always are asking.

    Younger son has paid a deposit on a place for fall, so he is following through on moving out. I'm quite sad about it actually. He isn't hard to live with, and he is only just turned 18. Husband thinks this will be a good experience for him, help him learn independence.

    Wishing older son could get his act together.

    We had planned on giving him an untimatum, but that usually backfires because we never follow through.

    He doesn't appear to be dealing or using hard drugs right now. He is up and out in daytime hours again.

    According to his bank I don't see deposits like when he was dealing, so trying to believe him.

    Can he just stop? He says he has. It looks like he has.....

    I guess time will tell.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Some people DO just quit. It depends on lots of factors, including the motivation of the individual. But it is possible.
  6. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Colleen, I think it will be good for your younger son to be away from the drama of your older son. I know you aren't quite ready for him to move out, but he seems to need it. Hugs for your hurting mother's heart. :hugs:
  7. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I think it probably is a good idea for younger son to move out. He doesn't do drugs, and is trying to do well in university and the last few years have been tough.

    He is moving in with other boys from computer science, so it should actually help him stay on track.

    Praying my older son finds some direction.

    I am concentrating on me, and my marriage. I know I have to.