Hello everyone, I hope this isn't too long. I recently found this forum while searching for ways to deal with my "suspect borderline daughter". She fits every criteria for borderline and I was told when she was in her teens by a mental health worker that she showed signs way back then. She's now 33 with 2 small children and although there are small stretches of chaos free weeks or even months she's soon acting out or reacting out due to someone (if not me but most often me) who has upset her by any plethora of reasons. Not paying her rent, letting her borrow car, not buying diapers, not watching her kids when she needs a break and without any notice or while she works 40 hrs(without paying anything of course). She thinks anyone related to her but especially Mom (me) is obliged to help her, even when she's fully capable of doing it herself. I'm in very poor health with a number of disabilities and on a very limited income. This doesn't matter to her of course. The only thing that matters is mostly herself and occasionally her kids. She's lied, conned and stolen to get what she wants so many times I have a hard time believing anything she tells me. Still I help her because sometimes and it's a rare sometimes I get to glimpse her loving part but she doesn't come out often and even when I do I doubt if it's real or if she's pretending to butter me up before asking me for something she shouldn't and then blackmailing me by withholding my grandchildren from me if I don't give in. Heaven forbid I confront her on the issues. I'm sick to my heart and soul, I just don't know what to do anymore. If it wasn't for my beautiful grand children I wouldn't give in like I do. I love them so much and want to be a part of their life and I want to know they're okay. She worries me with her violent outbursts and driving while upset with them and her erratic decisions to take off and do whatever with kids in tow. This happened for the 3rd time this past week. She took off angry at the babies' father's father who told her he wasn't going to support her anymore and she needed to move out. She had been living with her kid's grand parents, working but not paying rent,(same that she'd done to me) having cousins, aunts, grandparents watch kids while she worked and paying only $1 an hour for the 2 of them. He had enough. So she took off out of state to The Rainbow Gathering in Oregon. If you don't know what that is google it. 12,000 people getting high, not just on pot but harder drugs like acid. She didn't call to let me know where she was for a week and only found out from their Grandfather a week later. I was so distraught I thought I would die from worry. I wanted to call and report her missing. I did that once in her late teens and she's told me time and time again IF I EVER DO THAT AGAIN SHE WILL NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN. I believe her, so I didn't. That's when I went searching for help because I can not take this anymore. My heart and spirit is broke, my body barely hanging on and I almost want to give up on life altogether. Then I think of my grand kids. I have to get help. Now I am beginning to realize I can't help my daughter, only myself. So glad I found this community and starting reading other's stories. At least I'm not alone. Hello so glad to be here.