myfirstandlast
Member
Wish you all had more background on the situation, but I'll just have to sum up the essentials.
My ex husband and father of our two children took his own life this week. His body was found yesterday by his mother.
I had to tell the kids yesterday after school. I am ready to answer many questions that haven't come yet ... not sure what other ones could arise. So far they have had too few questions, and I've had to bring up things that I didn't want to because I needed answers soon so arrangements could be made.
I told them each separately that their dad had "passed away" and just let them cry. The 9 year old didn't ask ANY questions. The 12 year old only asked "how" and had the most terrible expression of shock when I told him "he took his own life" and other than that, there haven't been questions like I expected.
I did have to ask later if they wanted to "see him" as his parents are having him cremated with no viewing or anything. My son as expected does definitely want to see him, my daughter has not yet told me either way. I tried to make it very clear that it is OK if either of them DO or DO NOT and that it is a personal decision and ANY answer is OK.
I think that sometime before she overhears it, I have to tell my daughter the very simple version of "how" that I gave my son. I also feel that he should hear how it happened before he overhears it, but not sure ... I'm so worried about scaring them. :frown:
ANYTHING that would help me help them through this, I would appreciate hearing about.
My sister works within the school district and is calling both kids' schools so that the counselors, teachers, and parents of their closest friends are notified.
I don't have a lot of details. There was a note, it was pretty vague but there is content not suitable for the kids right now. He apparently took some medications to dull the pain and then hanged himself in his basement. Among other things, the kids didn't even know that he'd moved out of his parents' house almost 3 years ago (I didn't know either) ... he was that private of a person. His parents had not been in the house he was renting until he didn't show up for his mid-week visit with the kids Wednesday after school. There are a lot of questions I cannot answer, and I worry what they will think about finding out their dad lied about certain things. :frown: