Trouble With 30 year old son

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by animal lover, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. animal lover

    animal lover New Member

    I am a new comer to this forum seeking some answers to deal withthe situation of my 30 year old son.
    This is my story. My son has not talked to my husband and I on and off since 2005. Even before that
    we were never close. It all started when we left our home of 14 years and moved to a different state to
    open a business.

    Our son was very rebelious cause of the move, which we both understood cause he was only 14.
    He finaly came around and made friends from school. Some good, some bad. He got into a lot of
    trouble. He stole money and merchandise from our business.

    One day I got a call from his girlfriends mother. Actually it was a message left on our voice mail.
    In the message she said. "You better your parents whats going on or I will." I called his girlfriends
    mother to find out what the problem was. She said yelling in a very high pitched voice. Your
    son got my daughter pregnant. I confronted my son who was 17 at the time and asked hom why.

    At first he denied the whole thing and I said if this is true youwon't have a problem taking a ride with me over to talk to her parents. he then confessed that he did. About a week after his girlfriends mother called and asked what we were going to do about the situation. See the difference between her and I. We had rules at our house. He was to be home between 9:30
    and 10:00 on school nights and 10:30 on weekends. Our son was sneaking out of the house all hours of the night.

    When I found out from a friend what was going on. I clled his girlfriends mother and told her our son has a curfew and in
    our house if he does not abide by that he's grounded. her reply was. "oh their just kids and I said under no circumstance
    is he aloud out in the middle of the night.

    She obviously did not care enough about her daughter and realy had no set rules. Time went on and our son rebeled cause of our rules and told both my husband and I that he would do as he pleased. My husband told him if he wishes not to follow our rules that he could leave. I was angry, but beside myself. Angry with our son and hoe he treated us.

    He moved in with his girlfriends parents. One day I got a call from the school principal staing that our son was not in school
    for 30 days and that it was our responsiablility to make sure he goes to school.
    #1. He was living with his girlfriends parents and we were not allowed any where near their house. I told this to the principal.
    His reply was. it's still your responsiability so I called his girlfriends house and luckly my son answered the phone. I asked hime why he had not been to school in 30 days. His reply was "it's none of your business. I told him if he didn't go back to school
    that I would call the cops. He didnt go back to the high school, but he did go bak to a finishing school and got his diploma and passed with all A's

    After my grandaughter was born. I was invited by my sons girlfriend to come see the baby in the hospital. As time went on
    I thought to myself. We are all only human and we do make mistakes so I tried my best to make things right with my son,
    his girlfriend and her family. It was tough and I had to bite my tongue. My son his girlfriend and my grandbaby moved from
    his girlfriens house and into an apartment. His girlfriend was presuring him to get married. He told her that he was not ready.
    He was only 17, she was 18.

    He had every intention to marry her. She just did not want to wait. He talke to my husband and I about it and we told him
    that he had our support. Eventualy my son broke up with hsi girlfriend because of her being over domineering.

    He finaly rented a house with a friend he worked with and seemed very happy. The problem was that he was not communicating with us at all until he met his second girlfriend. then he came arround. He was helping us with our business. He even watched it while we went away to a wedding. When we came back he told us he was getting married. We were so happy and she seemed like a nice girl.

    When the wedding was approaching I got an e-mail from his fiance's stepmother asking for money for her stepdaughters bridal
    shower. I ignored the e-mail that she resent 3 times and when we arrived 3 weeks before shower she asked me why? As it turned out we payed over 83% for everything. We finally approached both sets of parents and told them that they needed to help. Her stepfather handed my husband $600.00, her father and stepmother $300.00.

    We also paid for their honeymoon, which they were not grateful for. After they cane back from their honeymoon they didn't even call us. We had to call them. Months went by without hearing from them. One day my son called and said he got a permotion and that they were moving out of state. We were very happy for him. A year went by after he moved out of state and even though I called and e-mailed him he never returned a reply. That following fall we went to visit him only to find out he got a divorce. He showe dus pictures of his wife cheating. I felt so bad for him. He had to go to a psychiatrist for help to deal with the divorce. Mind you he was only married 1 year. He was also dealing with problems with his ex- girlfriend who has turned their
    child away from him.

    Last October we went to visit our son. I took with me pictures for him of my grandaughter cause his ex refuses to send him any.
    He realy got upset with me and said "keep them." I finally got out of him why he was os upset. the thing is he don't want a relationship with his father or I cause if he did he wouldn't ignore us and would answer his e-mails and messages.

    I am ahving a terrible time accepting that our son will not talk to us. i can't talk to my husband about it cause he gets upset with me and says that's the way it is, but stil he talks about going to see him again. I am now on depresion medication and was
    goign for help, but did not seem to work. He is our only child and it si so hard and nobody understands my feelins on this. I go to church every Sunday and pray for our son hoping he will be ok. Hopefully talking to you will help me with my situation.

    I really love my son and only hope he will come bak to us.Thank you for listening.

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We just had a long thread about a similar problem. Read "My Daughter Won't Talk To Me." You'll get plenty of great advice there.

    There is nothing you can do to force your son to talk to you, but you CAN go on with your life, as difficult as that seems right now. Again, I suggest you read that "Need Hellp! My Daughter Won't Talk to Me" thread. It has almost all the wisdom that we can impart to anybody in this horrible situation. I am one who is in that situation.

    I hope you do read that and gain from it. There are, like, 108 posts! It is a few posts below yours so it's ripe for reading. YOu will see that WE understand your feelings and have good suggestions to help yourself :)

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here!
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    It can be so painful when a child cuts off communication. You're not alone though.

    As parents, we have to learn to reclaim our own lives and move forward. It's a process that takes time. It doesn't mean we don't love them, don't worry, don't miss them....... The post Janet recommended is a very good one.

    Welcome to the board.
  4. animal lover

    animal lover New Member

    Thank you so much for your sympathy. I am sorry to here you too have the same problem I do.
    I know I am not alone and yes I will read the thread "My Daughter Won't Talk To Me." Thank
    you for listining.

  5. animal lover

    animal lover New Member

    Thank you for the nice welcome. I am a little scared, cause I've never done this before.
    I also am having trouble understanding what to do. Pictures Groups you join and how
    do you do the little pictures that are off to the side. I jsut feel so stupid. Thanks for listening

    I read the thread from Midwwest Mom and yes I do need to read that thread about "My Daughter Won't Talk To Me."

  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The pictures off to the side are "avatars"... set as part of your profile. Top right corner of the screen gives you access to your profile.

    General protocol is... pick a forum that relates to the age of your child and/or specific situation when creating a new post. Early childhood isn't for 20 year olds... and parent emeritus isn't for 4 year olds... Know what I mean?? Special Education and Substance Abuse and Healthy Living are subject-matter forums. Watercooler is for anything that doesn't fit anywhere else. General is... most of the difficult children, most of the time - kids from 6 to "out of school".

    Responding to others' posts? Keep an eye on what is current... and if you have experience or insight, chime in. Even if it's just to a Watercooler request for a way to get stains out of carpet. Dip your toe in... it won't take long and you'll get used to the flow.

    Oh, and those short forms we use. Confusing? AFAIK (oops, another one), everybody who's ever come on this board gets confused by the short forms! Look for a dotted underline under some of these... then hoover over with your mouse, and the definition pops up. Like this: ADHD.
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2012
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    OMG! IC I had no idea, and I've been here forever and a day. :rofl: :rofl:

    Learn something new all the time. LOL
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    animal lover

    No worries. Everyone is nervous when they're just getting started. We'll help you as much as we can. We're family around here. :)

  9. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Welcome Nanners :mornincoffee: I like to come here and drink my morning coffee; but started getting in trouble with- the family so then started setting timer and cleaning for 15 minutes then get to go online for 15 minutes, guess whatever works welcome again

    add on edit - I also do better if finish that first cup before start a new thread whining about my weekend on Mondays LOL:rofl:
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Me either! What's KOI? "Keep Outta It"? "Kill Our In-laws"? Do tell!
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ahhh... the whole "koi" lesson...
    Wish I could find the original post - I think the explanation comes from Stepto2...

    We can't use c r a p on this site - it's one of the filtered words.
    As is it's typo variant, c a r p.
    But, koi are Japanese pond c a r p.

    So... koi = c a r p = c r a p.