Trying to get difficult child slime off of us....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    difficult child has been out of our house for eight months and can still spew his slime all over us!! The only contact we've had with difficult child since easy child's graduation was a text message demanding his birth certificate. I texted back that I don't have it, he'd have to order one from the health department. difficult child called husband and asked - husband said the same thing.

    Didn't hear anything from him until husband got a text yesterday spewing his slime over my answer (even though husband gave him the same one). His text said "This is why I don't consider her my Mom. I need my blanking birth certificate. And you wonder why I hate her. I'm glad she can break your own family and blood away from you".

    husband basically ignored the text. So, last night, after husband was asleep, difficult child calls. husband answers to get told all sorts of lies. Like daughter had just called difficult child telling him how I was beating her and she was afraid to say anything. husband called difficult child a liar so the conversation got worse. husband hung up on difficult child.

    difficult child texted daughter telling her to tell the truth about the beatings....daughter was in tears most of the night and in fear of what difficult child might do. He's physically hurt her in the past and she's scared. She ignored the text so he called. She didn't answer and turned off her phone.

    So, difficult child calls DS, who was waiting for a call from a friend so he didn't check caller ID. difficult child demands to talk to his sister. DS said "No". difficult child goes off on DS, calls DS horrid names and hung up on him. Big DS's italian blood boiling. DS calls difficult child right back - difficult child picks up. DS told difficult child you just burned you last bridge with me. Basically disowned difficult child and hung up on him. Too bad for difficult child because DS has been difficult child's biggest supporter. DS goes over and checks on difficult child every couple of weeks and has been and always would have been there for him. DS is so like my Dad - I don't see him getting over this for years!

    So, last night, husband, daughter and DS were all totally upset and angry. I was able to detach and not let it bother me. I was able to go right to sleep. Unfortunately I woke up so angry. I don't remember being this angry in a long time.

    I don't have any questions or anything. I just needed to vent so that I can function through work today. It is amazing how much calmer I can get just by being at this site. Knowing that there are people who understand what I'm going through is such great comfort.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911


    You know, despite the unhealthy spewing going on in your home last night via your difficult child - the fantastic thing I see is that everyone DID EXACTLY what you're supposed to do regarding this type of situation.

    You should take your kudos. It's not easy to turn the ugly part of our kids off and remember them in dribs and drabs as kids we can appreciate. Despite it all we love them - we just learn to love ourselves too, and allow them the choices that can either keep them close to their family or wherever they choose to be.

    I'm sorry it happened at all, but a lot of lurkers may read this and see what you did, try it and begin healing too.

    This board does work - thanks for the vent - we learn something from everyone we meet.

  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    mom2, thanks for your post. I still need help with my detachment skills...I still get angry at the long distance drama. Reading posts like yours help strengthen my resolve. Sending hugs.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though you handled a terrible situation very well. Hopefully this will be an opportunity for all of you to move on. Is there any way to block his number from your phones?
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I don't know the full story here...but it sounds like a very difficult one and I am sorry that your child is causing so much grief. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking when these kids just don't "get it."

    Why does difficult child need the birth certificate?
    Is it for something productive?

    Not liking the horrible way it was requested...but if it difficult child can ask in a decent manner and it is for a good reason, I think it would be good to let him know when and how you will provide it. Hopefully, he will do something positive with it. Keep positive thoughts in your heart. Can you get a certified copy?

    I'm sorry for all the anguish your difficult child has caused you and your family. It sounds hearbreaking. I applaud your efforts to detach and encourage you to look how to make things easier and brighter for you and your spouse.
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    We had J ask for his original birth certificate many years ago. I said...ok, but *I'M* not looking for a new one when you've lost this one because you go to jail. You do the leg work.

    Sure enough, it was lost within weeks. When he called for another one, I simply said, "You do the work to find it. It's really not that hard."

    You need that certificate to get a driver's license, etc., if you have no state ID.

    Hold strong.

  7. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm not sure I have my original...what I have is a certified copy with an imprint. One can always make arrangements to get something like that. I too would hesitate to let go of the original. But if he is needing the certificate for ID to get a job, then I would help out (at least a little). This does not mean that I would want him back in my life esp. if he has been destructive and I'm gathering this has been the case.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    So very true. I know it was upsetting to everyone but what stood out to me the most in your post was that you were all united as a family on how to handle the situation with difficult child.

    Hang in there.