Udate on "friend"

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Jun 14, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So I posted a few months ago that my former best friend of 25 years and my kids' godmother blocked me from Facebook. Before I was blocked she said some pretty mean and nasty things about the kids and I. She called me an overweight insecure drama queen. Threw in my face that she is super thin and can eat whatever she wants. Told me my kids were losers and will wind up drug addicts on the streets and teen parents. Told me she has secretly resented me and hated me for years. she completely severed all ties with me. I told her that regardless of how she felt about me, I would always still care about her and her son, who I have known since he was born. She told me she had absolutely no interest at all in me or my kids' lives. There wasn't much I could do but accept it. When her son's eighth birthday came around in April I sent him a happy birthday email. She told me she never wanted me to contact her or her son for any reason ever again, then I was blocked. So be it.

    Since then I have completely lost all contact with her. I changed phones several months ago so I no longer have her phone number. I do not have her email address saved either. But we do both belong to an online tagging group. I am not very active in the group, although I do receive emails from other group members with different tags and pictures. Mostly the group is pretty non personal. They share and discuss tags and pics but do not really get into other's personal lives. Most of the time when I get the emails from the group members I just delete them. Sometimes I see emails from my former friend commenting on different pics, etc. I just delete them as well and don't give them another thought. Awhile ago she posted something of an apology for not being around much. Said she was having issues in her personal life. Somebody from the group emailed her back and asked her to elaborate. So she sent out a group email telling everyone she is having problems with her eight year old son. I think she forgot that I am a group member when she posted it. So she probably has no idea that I saw what she wrote. She told the group that her son is refusing to take his ADHD medications. He has been having major meltdowns at school and at home. Throwing big tantrums and showing major defiance. She says he is really disruptive and out of control. She does not have free time like she used to because she is putting every bit of effort into trying to control him.

    Mind you this is the same friend that told me years ago that all of my daughter's problems were my fault. difficult child didn't get formally diagnosed with early onset bipolar until she was eight. Even after she was diagnosed it took a couple of years to finally get her stable. She used to rage and not sleep at night. She was suicidal. My friend told me that all I needed to do was beat the **** out of her and teach her a lesson. She said she didn't believe there was anything mentally wrong with difficult child other than being a total spoiled brat. We have had many arguments in the past about it. So now she has a difficult child of her own. I would never wish a difficult child on anybody, but if I had to pick one friend to get one it would be her. I don't feel bad for her. I do, however, feel bad for her son. He is obviously not stable and he must be miserable. My friend has always been known for being very impatient and for being a yeller. i am sure she is not coping well with her son. Had she not disowned me I could have offered her some support from someone who has been there/done that. It took me years to learn how to detach from difficult child and I could have helped her along a little bit. But she made it absolutely clear that she wants nothing more to do with me at all whatsoever. So I have no choice but to leave her alone. Part of me is hoping that in some small way she is thinking of me now and regretting her nasty words to me. I will never know. I really wish I could still be involved in her son's life but she wants no part of me. So it's time for me to move on. It's just too bad it had to happen this way.
  2. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I'm not sad for her bit I'm sad for you and I'm sad for her difficult child. My policy with my kids is to allow as many people as possible to love them. I was the baby of the family and my grandparents all died when I was young for the most part so that extra but of stability in my life wasn't there. So even though I don't always care for it I make an effort for my kids to know all of their relatives one day their love may be able to offer something to my kids that I can't. Support advice a friendly ear, help with college congratulations of mile stones from more then just their parents. I also encourage my kids to stay in contact with my friends and their friends even when they move for similar reasons added to the fact it teaches correspondence to my oldest, she's learning how to write letters and appropriate manners for speaking on the phone and Internet.

    I was friends with a chick for about ten years and we were very close and I was close to her kids known them since they were tiny. We had a falling out but her daughter as soon as she became of age to have a Facebook added me and we still maintain a relationship. Eventually my friend added me to Facebook because we have all the same friends we don't talk often but we are no longer actively mad at each other either.

    I'm sorry your fried cant be like that at least
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Karma: delivered.

    I do feel bad for her son. I hope she's not following the advice she gave you and trying to beat it out of him. I know from my own experience that being impatient and a yeller doesn't work well (I'm still working on that part, mind you, but improving).
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    This could be part of why she chose to walk away from you. She saw her own son in your children and she didn't want to acknowledge it or be reminded of it. She wanted to be "perfect parent" and if her son is having tantrums and meltdowns she doesn't fit that bill (not that anyone really does). Did you know that her son had a diagnosis of ADHD when she cut ties with you, or was that kept a secret?

    I do not feel badly for her, but I do feel badly for her son. She is clearly in over her head and hasn't got a clue what to do. I hope she can get him some help, for her son's sake.
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I knew her son had ADHD when we were friends but she always told me he was on medications and stable. Now I know that's not true. To be honest I always secretly thought he had something else besides ADHD. When he was about three years old he used to have rages quite similar to difficult child's. He would get violent and throw chairs, etc just like she did. He also had sleep issues. But my friend told me that he outgrew it. Now it sounds like he is having the same issues. His father is not in the picture. He was an adult difficult child. He was in and out of jail, a drug user, and very verbally abusive to my friend. They were never together as a couple. They were sex buddies that met through a mutual friend. My friend told me he was psychotic and very verbally abusive but the sex was good so she was using him.

    At the time she was seeing him she was jealous of me for having kids. She was in her thirties and I had already had my kids in my twenties. She was getting desperate for a baby so she purposely got pregnant. Her plan was to get pregnant by this man then disown him and raise the baby on her own. So that's what she did. She got pregnant and was ecstatic. She moved away, changed her phone number, and broke off all contact with the father. She put unknown on his birth certificate. So now she has a difficult child that has inherited who knows what kind of issues from his biological father. I feel bad for the kid. He didn't ask for any of this. Now she could really use my support but she insisted she wants nothing to do with me for any reason. I asked her to be Facebook friends at least so we could keep in contact with each other's kids but she declined. It's too bad it had to happen this way but I don't need toxic people in my life that hate me. So good riddance to her.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oohhhhh MY! What goes around comes around! Karma, indeed.
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Definitely Karma. Poor kid. I don't feel sorry for her but I do for him. For his sake I hope he gets the help he needs.