It has been awhile since I have posted, though I read the boards almost every day. My son, who in December had gotten out of detox for meth use, showed up at our local airport unexpectedly in February, with nothing but the clothes on his back. We told him he could not stay with us and gave him an old tent and a blanket and dropped him off at a spot close to day labor, but temperatures were below freezing the next night and he was rail-thin, coughing and running a fever. So letting him stay for a few days was something we felt we had to do. It was nice to have him home, and he definitely needed some "mothering," at least in the physical sense. He was eating like a horse, feeling better, had the light back in his eyes, but (as in the past) the days turned into weeks and we found ourselves taking on his responsibilities -- driving him to day labor, paying for his groceries, etc. Then we caught him drinking and told him to leave. A few weeks later he called and said he had checked himself into detox and was going to stay with friends when he got out. A few days after that he called and said he had checked himself into detox again because he started drinking as soon as he got out the first time, and he saw that he needed help. He said he knew he couldn't stay sober without some support and begged us to let him talk to us about the changes he wanted to make. When he showed up to talk to us, we were far from welcoming. At one point in the conversation he broke down in tears and said, "I want to quit, but I can't. I don't know how to stop. I don't want to be like this anymore. I need help and I don't know what to do." So against our better judgment, AGAIN, we laid the ground rules (again) and told him we were not going to be involved in the day to day of his life, but we would hold his money for him and let him stay for 6 weeks, assuming he stuck to the program, and save some money. He said he wanted to complete a hike he started and never finished. I think hubs and I have harbored the dream that completing a long-term goal might push him in a better direction, so we agreed to help him do that. He found a very good job and managed to save quite a bit of money. Around week 5 I noticed odd behavior and knew he had been drinking. We found out he hid his paycheck from us by swapping his debit card for an old one he had in his wallet. And even after that, we actually drove him to the trailhead, hoping that the hard work he had put in would be enough! What is WRONG with me?!? With distance came some clarity that I really, REALLY need to work on this detachment stuff. I need to make it my #1 priority. I have been working toward developing more healthy interactions with him. Then, about a month after we dropped him off, he did not show up to pick up a food drop. He was missing for several days and his phone was turned off or dead. I put out BOLOs, called all of the hiking facilities in the area, etc. Then the local police called to report that he had been arrested on felony possession charges. He has been in a holding facility for the last month or so. Initially he made every guilt and pity play in the books trying to get us to bail him out. We refused. As his head has cleared, he has become more reasonable and empathetic. We still have not gotten involved. His public defender arranged a deal involving 2 years of probation, but part of the deal was that he had to do his probation where he had "support" in the area. He is returning to our home state (not our hometown). We did pay a minimal fee to hold his bed at a 1-year residential rehab. He is responsible for the remainder of the program costs. If he doesn't complete the program or his probation requirements, he will be sentenced on the felony charges. If he does complete them, the charges will be dropped. As I type out this update, I am so angry at myself for letting him move back home, TWICE MORE, so that we could apparently fund his drinking, which escalated to felony drug use. The hike is just an excuse, or a tool, to get us to do what he wants. It always has been. And now he is in the area, and I fear being drawn into the web again. It seems so wrong on every level to tell my sick child to sleep in the woods with nothing but an old blanket. But apparently the other path only made things worse. Or maybe not. Maybe this is what he finally needed. Maybe he will see it through. I just don't know what's right anymore. I think that's why I have been hesitant to post. I think I have just been trying to pull away from his whole situation, but I keep letting it grab me by the wrist and pull me right back in again. At any rate, I am back in it, emotionally at least, once again trying to learn the hard lessons about letting go.