So, difficult child and I drove to Colorado (from Illinois) last Friday and we got to my ex's house last Saturday at about noon. I was coming to see my younger son, who moved out here and is doing well, employed, living with his dad and doing an online degree. I was so happy for him to be able to get away from this dysfunction. Then after all the shenanigans (see my post on 'Son wants me to pick him up from a dangerous situation"- Not the exact title, but I am in a hurry to post this, sorry) I decided I would bring the difficult child with me on the PURE understanding that he would NOT be living here with his dad, but use it to make a really new start. I know that this was wrong of me, but I can't see another solution for me to be out of the equation. He was just on the streets, drinking, drugging and I thought, well his dad has good boundaries, and won't let him stay if there is ANY monkey business. We got here and the atmosphere was VERY frosty. My ex has been very uninvolved emotionally and I have borne the brunt and torment of the difficult child's life alone. I felt it was just time, after 7 or so years of doing it alone, that the ex should step up. So guilty about my easy child, but he too has iron clad boundaries and won't put up with any bs. I felt that if I'm too weak to say no and stand my ground, that this would be a good place for difficult child to sink or swim and he has been fully aware that this is it. So in FOUR days, my difficult child is now in the mental health system, has a card that allows him to buy $200 worth of groceries a month, has a psychiatrist and doctor and has an appointment next week for SSI and SSDI. He has been applying for jobs online and is determined to show his dad that he means to start a new life in a positive direction. We have done A LOT since getting here and he was feeling really good about the support and caring nature of the people he's dealing with. Fast forward to this afternoon. We get back after the lastest round of medical appointments and my ex is underwhelmed. He comes home for lunch and when he leaves, my easy child said that ex is mad because we are not out and about for 8 hours a day, looking for jobs. He doesn't seem to understand how much has been achieved in the four days we've been here. My son does NOT want to live with his dad, just to use the house as a jumping off point until his housing is sorted. My easy child then tells us that when HE came to CO, the ex said "I'm done investing in you two". (meaning his sons) WHAT???? One he hasn't invested, and two, who says that to their kids? I can understand with the difficult child, though he was never there for any of the hard times, but to say that to the easy child, who has done nothing but overcome obstacles and succeed? Anyway,this threw difficult child into a tailspin. Says "what's the point of trying, I'm just going to be back out on the streets, doing what I did in Illinois and dad can't wait to get rid of me. He will kick me out of here as soon as you leave, mom, (I am driving back to Illinois on Sunday) and he doesn't understand how hard I'm trying" etc. Here's the kicker and the reason I am so frickin mentally unstable...he is gay and has has craigslist liasons with other men, usually at my house when I was at work. So my easy child goes to work and difficult child says "I just hooked up with someone online. They live a mile away. Can you take me? Drop me off and pick me up?" W.T.F?????? I said NO. So he connects with someone else who can pick HIM up and just left about 5 minutes ago. We are in a strange place, in a house that I invited myself and the family's BIG problem to, he is contrite and positive and with ex's attitude, decides that the solution for him is some stress relief with a total stranger. My ex is due back from work in about 30 mins. My difficult child was going to have A Talk with him and tell him, dad I DON'T want to live with you, but I really would like you to acknowledge that I'm moving forward and I know it's not as quickly as you want, but the wheels are in motion for me to get out of here and I want that as much as you do." I said "what the hell are you doing this for NOW? Stay here and wait for your dad and you can talk about your future" but he wanted to go and so he is gone. Who knows if he'll come back? He has a friend in Denver and I'm supposed to say that she came into town and was taking him to lunch. So I have this horrible truth inside me that I told him was WAY too much for me to bear ( I totally accept his homosexuality, its this stranger thing that tears me apart) and that it is WRONG of him to involve me in any way with his private life. If he doesn't come back, then I have this guy's number and I will have to use it. I'm sorry this is so long. I think I'm looking for input as how to handle all this. I feel so guilty that I'm palming him off to my ex (no, actually I think that part is okay) but that my easy child is here and I came uninvited to offload difficult child. But mostly it's another reality check, right? He's NOT gonna change, he will do whatever he wants, even if the outcome is dire. He wants to prove himself to his father. Why then would he do something so obvious? If the ex finds the truth out, difficult child will be out of the house for sure. Though it won't be MY problem. He's just an incredibly callous individual. All thoughts are welcomed. I am so lost with this sheeit.