Reading the posts, my therapy, and 12 step are helping me navigate the difficult work of detaching and keeping my boundaries with my 37 year old borderline daughter. Today is her birthday, but she is not talking to me. She has two children, 5 and 6 months and was asked to leave her current living situation that I found for her because of her bad behavior towards my friend. For the first time I told her she could not move back here. I have been enabling her for a dozen years during which time she either is unkind to me or ignores me (when she doesn't need a bailout). Yet my husband and I have still helped her this year with a car and money towards rent. She became enraged at me last week when I set a boundary, called me a f'ing c, and told me she would not let me see the grandchildren. I haven't talked to her since. I feel very sad about my grandchildren, but for the first time I am very clear that I am unwilling to have someone in my home who treats me badly, won't look at her own behaviors, and has contact soley to be rescued. I feel both sadness and relief. I also feel strong because I had not been able to keep this boundary before. I am still enmeshed because I paid to put her things in storage, and I have given her money, but I know I am taking steps in the right direction to take care of myself. Thanks to all who post their experiences here - they help me stay strong.