Venting before I explode

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KarenB, May 18, 2008.

  1. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    I don't know how much longer I can do this. He's GOT to go! Half of my family has been torn apart already. I refuse the lose the rest of them!! NO remorse! NO feelings for anyone but himself! If I don't send him somewhere soon he's going back to bio-dad. I can't take it, and I won't subject my other kids to this any longer! I love my child, but God knows I don't like him one bit. I can't stand to look at him because I'm SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME! Lies, steals, cheats, snoops, eavesdrops, doesn't do his school work, DRAMA! There's only so much a mother can take, no matter how much she loves! God help me!
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Karen, I think it's been mentioned to you before, but you need to take a good hard look at his medications. Both Zoloft and Concerta can activate kids, particularly those with mood issues (like anxiety and depression), and make behaviors worse. Is he seeing a child psychiatrist? Have you told the psychiatrist about the worsening behavior? If the psychiatrist is not listening (or a pediatrician is handling his medications), you need to get a second opinion with a child psychiatrist who is skilled in treating children with mood disorders.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.
    Has your son ALWALYS been this bad, because those medications scare me. When I saw the medications, especially with that Zoloft dose, I thought, "Wow!" If there is any chance that he has been misdiagnosed and actually has a mood disorder, all I can say is those two medications will activate him beyond him being able to reign himself in. ONE of those medications would make me out-of-control. Two of them...just whoa.
    Please remember that your family--mom, aunts, cousins--should not matter as much as your child. Your immediate family is different, but I'd get a second opinion about the laundry list of diagnosis. because the medications clearly are not working so it's likely that the diagnosis. is wrong. I'd see a neuropsychologist. That is who finally straightened out our "multiple diagnosis." problem and got my son on the right track. They do a different kind of intensive evaluations that others don't do.
    You can't just "get rid" of your son, and, in my opinion, you probably just want him to behave in a tolerable way--I'd get a fresh evaluation from a different professional, especially if there are any sort of mood disorders or substance abuse on either side of the family tree. Not all hyper kids have ADHD, but most will be dxd. with ADHD, and it takes careful testing to figure out the big picture. Try to remember he's sick and keeping looking for help, just as you would if he had an infection that would not go away.
    I wish you luck.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member


    I know it's hard to do, but try to remember that your difficult child is likely not behaving badly on purpose. He's frustrated and out of control, and likely can't do anything differently.

    The defiance, lying, stealing, etc. are all very hard to deal with. I've been there done that too. But if your son's medications are the wrong ones for him, then nothing else is going to make it better until you get the medications sorted out.

    ADHD medications such as Concerta DO regulate ADHD. So...if your son's behaviour has not improved on ADHD medications, then chances are he has another issue that has lookalike symptoms to ADHD. And 72 mg is a very high dose.

    Like Smallworld and MidwestMom, I urge you to get your son in for a neuropsychologist evaluation. Once you understand what's going wrong, then you can put the right sorts of interventions in place. Unless you have that, you will continue to have chaos, disorder and heartbreak.

  5. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Karen, I don't know enough about medications to really offer any advice but something in your description hit home with me. When my son was on stimulants I didn't like him, it just wasn't possible. I am his rock and his advocate....I NEED to like him, at least a little. I remember telling his psychiatrist this and that was when we stopped the stimulants. It is so hard fighting on so many fronts at the same time and it wears you down, life is so hard but I would sound just like you if my difficult child was still on the wrong medication. Try to take care of yourself and hold on to hope that you will be able to navigate through this medication maze and things will get better.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just wanted to offer hugs and support and reinforce what the others have said. I do understand how you feel in several ways- I have negative feelings about my son sometimes and it can be very hard to step back from the situation enough to realize that this happens when his medications are not right- or aas in lately, when he hasn't taken them the way he is supposed to. There was a period before he started taking lithium that I didn't see any hope left and thought he was in control of some of it and still thought a good deal was defiance. That went away when the medications were on course- until this spring. If there is something else going on and you get things on track enough to see all or most of this behavior go away for a while, in some ways it makes it easier to accept tthat it is a result of an illness, and not all intentional. I am reminding myself of that, too, right now.
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry for what you are going through. I agree with what others have said about considering a medication change. I can understand your frustration. There are days when my son has it in for me and I don't know why. Today happens to be one of those days and I can't wait for it to be over.

    Hang in there and grt in touch with his psychiatrist, it could help.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others on the medications. Miss KT maxed out at 72 mg of Concerta. It just wasn't working for her once she hit junior high. Don't know if the hormones had anything to do with either the medications no longer working or the horribleness of the attitude (or both), but I wanted to ship her out more times than I can even begin to count. Definitely been there done that.

    Take a deep breath...and make some phone calls. Best of luck in getting things sorted out.
  9. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    Thank you for all the replies. I was having a meltdown, obviously.

    It's obvious to us when he doesn't take the Concerta, and it improved his behavior at school, so I'm inclined to believe he needs it. The Zoloft is another story. There IS substance abuse on both sides of his family tree. His father has been also diagnosed ADD. I have tried to find the right thing for him. He's seeing a child psychiatrist. I want him to see a neuropsychologist, but there are NONE anywhere close to us. I'm in NW Florida near Pensacola.

    I won't ever give up. He's my son and I love him. His bio-dad is the WRONG answer for sure. He won't be going to live with him unless it's over my dead body. I just get desperate for a way out sometimes for my own mental health, when I get so frustrated. I want to like my son as well as love him, at least some of the time. Also when I referred to my family, I meant my other children. There are 6 total. This difficult child is the only one with issues, thank the good Lord.

    I really don't know what to suggest for medications. I believe he needs the Concerta, but we may go back to Ritalin. I have discussed this with the psychiatric doctor last appointment. The plan is to go back to Ritalin during the Summer. My son has classic ODD signs, but I know there are other issues, ADHD for one. Anyway, I am at a loss right now.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    We all feel like that sometimes. Don't beat yourself up.

    You are fighting the good fight. Keep coming here to draw strength. We are all in your corner.
  11. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    Thank you! It means so much!
  12. Christy

    Christy New Member

  13. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    He has no violent tendencies, no explosions of temper or anything like that. He will get mouthy and talk back, argue with us.

    He continues to hoard food, and anything else he can get from anyone of us here at home, that he wants. He hides things all over his room that he takes. Everyday is full of lies. I tried having a sit down talk with him today about focusing on improving himself, yada, yada, yada. I don't know why I try. It's probably a waste of breath and time, but maybe one day a tiny bit will sink in. A mom can only hope.
  14. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    You know, school isn't necessarily the measure of how a drug is working. Just because a child functions better at school when he takes a certain medicatiton doesn't mean it's the right drug. If the overall result is that his condition is worse -- there is life other than school -- then the drug really isn't working, is it? The drugs are suppose to work for the child, not for the school.

    Ritalin and Concerta contain the same amphetamine-like chemical as the active ingredient but the delivery system is different. Being a quick in, quick out drug, the body actually goes through daily withdrawal (better known as "stimulant rebound"). It cause the body to feel agitation and is the reason those who use amphetamine/amphetamine-like drugs recreationally also use pot or alcohol to take the edge off when the stimulant wears off.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good explanation, Sara!
  16. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    Okay, well what do I need to suggest for his medications? If he doesn't take the Concerta it's obvious to us, like I said previously. That means at home AND at school. But I have never believed he needed Zoloft. I know clinical depression personally, and I haven't seen depression signs in him. I'm really confused now. He has an appointment on June 25th. Our main issues with him are the behaviors I have posted previously...ODD stuff. What do I suggest to his doctor?? I know there are no medications for ODD, but I don't wan him on medications that make it worse.
  17. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Slow removal of the Zoloft. Antidepressants can actually cause behaviors that end up getting diagnosed as ODD. The prescribing information uses the term "hostility" to cover many of those behaviors.

    And while you might be able to tell if he misses a dose of the Concerta, that doesn't mean that you would in the long run, after (what did smallworld say in that other thread? three weeks for her son?) his body adjusts to not having the drug or having it at a lower dose. Keep in mind that the stims can cause agitation and aggression which are often diagnosed as ODD.
  18. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Here's what I said to another poster (what Sara was referring to):

    " . . . my son took stimulants off and on from age 9 until he went into day treatment last winter. They did help him focus. But it was at great expense to his mood issues. When we first took him off stimulants at age 11 -- he begged us because Concerta was making him feel depressed -- he was more hyper and inattentive than before he took stimulants. And of course, we thought he really needed them. But after about 3 weeks, the hyperactivity settled down."
  19. KarenB

    KarenB New Member

    I appreciate the replies. I must not be giving info that will help you all help me. I'm not getting it across to you. That's my bad. Thanks for trying to help, sincerely.
  20. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Karen, what are we missing? Sometimes medications can help AND hurt at the same time. Sometimes SSRI antidepressants like Zoloft can soothe anxiety while at the same time cause aggression and suicidal tendencies. Sometimes ADHD stimulants like Concerta can help with focus while at the same cause mood swings and irritability. It took me a while to understand this, but it has definitely happened with my kids. Sometimes you have to get a child re-evaluated to make sure you have the right diagnosis or do a medication wash to return to baseline behavior or try something entirely new because what you're doing isn't working.

    Sorry we don't seem to be connecting with your concerns. Please know that we're here for you if you need us.