Well, the shoe has dropped....


No real answers to life..
We just got news that our son is in jail. Don't know the particulars, but assume alcohol is involved. He was on parole so guess he will be looking at serving all his time. Not sure how much he has left, but if he has another felony going it will mean he will be determined to be a habitual offender and will go away for a long time. Just couldn't hold it together. Don't know where it will lead for him, but he just doesn't seem to cope in the real world. We have tried all avenues, but guess he has to walk this road on his own....

Just last weekend husband and I were celebrating our daughter graduating with her MBA, now son in jail....each doing their own thing? I'm just sad that son won't accept our help, seems to think we are trying to control him, couldn't be further from the truth....Pray for him....thank you.


New Member
:slap: I'm so sorry!!!

Just keep celebrating your daughters success and don't let the anxiety of what you are going through with difficult child get in the way of that. You must be so proud of her!! They are both making their choices, keep your focus on hers!!


Active Member
I'm so sorry this is happening. Please know you are not alone. It could be any one of our difficult child's. In fact many of us have been where you are or may soon be where you are.

I wish our difficult child's didn't feel like we are trying to contol them. They are just wired so differently that when we try to advise them they twist it around and think it differently.

My heart is sad for you. Sending some {{{sunny hugs}}} and lots of cyber support.


Active Member
I am sad for you as well. when my easy child son Nick graduated from police academy there was a huge party thrown by the academy very elegant and we could invite anyone we wanted to attend. I invited no one but my mother...why?
I had to go to the ceremony in ant's beat up car because he ahd stolen mine and was on the run for 9 dys, whereabouts unknown. I was determined not to steal Nick's thunder and went and made the best of it.

ant will be back in jail too. this time I will not write or call about him. it is only a matter of time. he is sitting in bars (while on probation) daily. he is drunk every night. he and I talk but I dont get stressed. I tell him now and then that he will be back in jail and encourage him to go to AA. he doesnt listen.

you did all you could and more. Is jail better than knowing they are out there incapacitated and can be victims of others??? lesser of two evils??? not sure. wish it would be different.


New Member
God Bless you! Both of my children are presently incarcerated. All I can do now, is advocate that they receive what they can in there, are treated humanely, support them emotionally, and take care of my self. When they get out, they will need my support. My support does not mean I condone their behaviors. They need to be held accountable for their choices. My support means I love them unconditionally. If I can be a support to you, please let me know.


New Member
My heart goes out to you as well. I believe all we can do as parents is take care of ourselves and just make sure they are treated humanely, get what they need in there, and let them know we don't condone the choices they made, but still love them from afar.
I was told my daughter wrote to her friend and said, "Tell my mom she still has a daughter." I will not visit her in jail--her first
time in I want to send a message, but I will drive her girlfriend to see her and make sure she is treated well. I have to admit, life is less stressful with her in jail. She can take all the air out of a room she is so needy. She also is funny, intelligent, creative, and one of the most compassionate people I know. My son is in prison. It is difficult, but I know he can't be out in society doing the things he was doing. His behaviors wore me to exhaustion and hospitalization several times. I miss him, but am concerned about what life will be like when he comes home. I just try to stay in the moment for I become sick my self if I don't take care of my self. The family is exhausted and burnt-out. I am the only one who supports either one of them. If I lose it, they will have no one. I do not feel all hope is lost. They are still young. Keep strong all of you and if I can ever be of help, let me know.


Well-Known Member
I understand as another who tries to be cautiously optimistic
at the same time as the sound of the other shoe dropping is almost expected...at least prepared for. Even though you have
detached, I know there are waves of grief that grab you unexpectedly. Sending supportive hugs. DDD


New Member
How sad. I'm so sorry for you and your family. That is terrible and has to be hell on you. It's too bad our difficult child's can't see the potential in themselves as we do. I'm sure you have done everything in your power to help your son, ultimately he must live with the choices he has made in life. I know it hurts like hell, as you love your child and don't want to see him suffer, but try to detatch a little for your own sanity. Unfortuanately, our children grow up to have minds of their own and do things we know, will destroy their lives, and there just isn't much we can do about that.

Take joy from your daughter's success's as you played a part in all of them. :smile:


No real answers to life..
Thanks to you all. Your words help ease the pain of what my son is choosing in his life. My daughter is a wonderful young woman and I am so very proud of her and her accomplishments. I will try to rejoice in her and keep hoping God's plan for my son becomes clearer and when I am needed to play my part in that plan I will have the strength to do it.

Thanks again, you all make the shared burden a little easier to bear.


New Member
As one who knows very well what you must be feeling, I just wanted to add my prayers for you and for your son. All we can do is sit by and watch it happen...their choices and their consequences. Now mine is about to be released after 2 years and the concerns are still there. But we will be glad to have him back. No matter what they do, they are still yours, for better or for worse. I hope he learns something from all of this.
I finally went and got help for myself (antidepressants) and they work wonders for me. Enjoy the good things in your life in the meantime. You deserve it.