What are your triggers?

[hearts and roses]

OMG - I forgot one of the biggest ones!!!

When difficult child or easy child talk about their father as if he was ever there for them. easy child told me the reason she learned "Blackbird" on the guitar is so she could play it for her dad because that's what he used to sing to her at bedtime. Um, NO! MY H was the one who sang that to them at bedtime!! THAT is a BIG trigger for me because they have 'created' memories of him from their childhoods that were in fact me or H.

Or the other day when difficult child told me her boyfriend called her biodad about visiting him and her dad later told gfgf, "I thought he was calling to ask permission to marry you or something"....well, that is also a HUGE trigger for me. First of all, this is 2011 - her boyfriend doesn't need to ask permission, especially from a parent who was absent most of her life, and least of all that particular parent. The thought of that man walking either daughter down the isle makes my blood boil. That anyone would give him cedence enough to even think of asking him for his daughter's hand in marriage just makes me freakin nuts! I am the one who did all the parenting! My God, just makes me nuts!

Hahahaha, can you tell???

 

[Nancy]

The beginning of the school year is a big trigger for me. It brings back so many memories both good and bad. Hoping that this year would be different and fear of the realization that it probably won't be. Especially now that her high school friends are all leaving for their third year of college and thinking back to two years ago when we moved her into her dorm only to find out she got arrested for drugs and alochol only six weeks later and never attended any classes. I think about the opportunities she gave up and how things could have been so different.

Graduation time is another big trigger for me because it was such a horrible time in our lives. The farther away I get from her college year and graduation the easier it gets. I just asked her today if seeing her friends go back to college bothers her and she said yes but that lifestyle was not good for her. So at least she realizes that.

Nancy

 

[DDD]

Too many things. Things I try to avoid. Old pictures of easy child/difficult child before he added the difficult child to his name. Sports pictures and awards. Newspaper articles about high achieving teens. Looking at the "Police Blotter" in the newspaper and hurting from the memories. I don't look at scrapbooks, graduation pictures, positive articles about his easy child friends who are taking their place in adult society. There are so many triggers that avoiding them is almost impossible. Most of all watching him sleep in our bed with the covers pulled up...he still looks like a easy child. He is getting more difficult child and I am trying to prepare for the next backwards step which I fear is near. Sometimes I believe that it would be so much easier if he did not have a easy child past. A difficult child is a difficult child. Away from our home he is a difficult child. I still haven't really accepted it.
DDD

 

[Blondiesbf]

You all have touched on many triggers. Right now, because of recent events, looking at the pictures throughout the house is causing me pain. I look at the boy in the pictures and wonder where he is. I wonder what is going on with him that he can't face whatever demons are within. And I wonder what caused those demons.

The start of college hurts. Seeing his high school friends move forward while he remains the same or steps backwards. Other people and their "perfect" kids. I try to push it to the back of the brain as quickly as possible...but it's always there.

 

[Bean]

The beginning of the school year is a big trigger for me. It brings back so many memories both good and bad. Hoping that this year would be different and fear of the realization that it probably won't be. Especially now that her high school friends are all leaving for their third year of college and thinking back to two years ago when we moved her into her dorm only to find out she got arrested for drugs and alochol only six weeks later and never attended any classes. I think about the opportunities she gave up and how things could have been so different.

Graduation time is another big trigger for me because it was such a horrible time in our lives. The farther away I get from her college year and graduation the easier it gets. I just asked her today if seeing her friends go back to college bothers her and she said yes but that lifestyle was not good for her. So at least she realizes that.

Nancy

Me, too. Beginning and end of year. A lot of the early stuff was when my daughter was in school. My daughter still hasn't graduated/gotten her GED.

 

[Blondiesbf]

Today I cleaned house. Today, Ricky is officially kicked out...unless he agrees to counseling. As I went through the house dusting and cleaning, I removed his pictures from my line-of-sight. Right now, it is too hard to look at the son that was. THAT is is tough trigger!

 

[troubled]

Everything. All of the previous things mentioned. Whenever anyone asks how she is doing, like our family doctor. I just want to break down and cry (and sometimes I do just that - but not where anyone can see).

 

[DammitJanet]

Donna, I dont think I will be there for her Kindergarten graduation unless they take a video camera for me. its about 15 or more hours away...

i think I have gotten past so many of the triggers though some songs really trigger me to feel a bit of nostalgia. There is a song out there called The Baby. That song always make me think about Cory.

This is our song for Billy:

 

[DammitJanet]

Yes Im sappy and no I dont have just one for Keyana so I didnt put one on there. I have too many...lol. I think my favorite for her is I loved her first, I held her first and in her heart I will always be first. Its supposed to be a Daddy song for his daughter but hey...I can cut in on it...lol. She really has too many people who loved her first! Which is a good thing I think.

 

[Chaosuncontained]

Right now, only a few days after I turned DD20 into the police... looking at her 10 year old sister hurts. They look identical at that age. IDENTICAL. And remembering how sweet DD20 was at that age. How close we were. It hurts so bad. I also am seeing all her old HS friends with long term jobs, boy freinds, college on FB. Being responsible adults. I don't want to visit her in prison. I want to visit her at her apartment. But she's headed for prison. And right now she living a few days at this friends house, a few days at that friends house...