What in the world do I do?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PatriotsGirl, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I cannot start from the beginning with all that she has done, because there is just too much and none of us have that kind of time! But the latest fiasco that difficult child had gotten into was being kicked out of school for sending out texts to people asking if they wanted to purchase adderall. One of the students brought the text to the principal and she was busted. The school filed a criminal complaint on her.
    Of course, she dragged some one under the bus with her. She claimed she was sending them for some one else (I do not fully believe this story). He was arrested and is being tried as an adult. Of course, he is pleading not guilty and letting this go to trial. difficult child is supposed to speak with the DA this morning to tell them what she knows. Surprise, surprise she is not here and we are supposed to be leaving in an hour. I think she is trying to run from this. I try calling her, no answer. I try texting her, no response. She is supposed to go to the DA today, her probation officer (because she flunked the drug test) and group counseling today.
    If she doesn't show, I want to still go to the DA's office and tell them my beliefs - but is that right? I do not have any proof, I just know my child and unfortunately, lying is something she does ALL the time. Especially to try to get out of trouble. My conscience could not take some one else's life being ruined if she did in fact lie.
    I don't know what she is thinking. I cannot believe that she believes she can actually run from this. Any advice on where to go from here?
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would do the same (go to the DA and explain about her habit of lying). If they have other evidence against the boy, they can still charge him; but to have him tried and convicted on only her word would be patently unfair. We've explained to Kanga that her habit of lying means that when it really counts -- people will have a hard time believing her.

    Of course she believes she can run from this, between her sense of entitlement and the lack of follw through by most POs...
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Guess I may have spoke too soon...she just called asking what time she has to be here. I will have a good talk with her on the way and try to get her to come clean with anything to the DA. I am actually planning on talking to the DA myself alone and I will absolutely let them know her history of lying. There is no way I could stand by and watch her ruin some one's life over something she did.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    PatriotsGirl, it would really help if you would create a signature similar to mine below so we know the details of your difficult child (age, diagnosis,medications, etc). Please go to "Settings" above and click on "Edit Signature."

    Hang in there. I hope today goes better than you expect.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Think I got it now - tried to put more info but I got an error message...
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well, sure enough, she is not here. She had the nerve to ask me to pick her up - a little background - she thinks I am her personal chauffeur. I told her and her PO told her that I am being nice in giving her a ride to where she is supposed to be and that she needed to be responsible enough to be home for the ride. I told her days ago she needed to see the DA today. Reminded her last night that she needed to be home because we were supposed to be there at ten, she chose not to come home last night. Then she texts me 20 minutes before we are supposed to leave and yet again asks me to pick her up. No. I told her before I was not doing this anymore and I meant it. She will need to face the consequences of her actions. Ugh.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry.
    Not showing up for the ride is pretty typical for these kids. Sigh.
    I agree, she has to face the consequences. Hold on for a wild ride.

    Welcome to to board, by the way. I'm sorry you had to find us but glad you did.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well, little difficult child made it home, albeit late, to go see her probation officer and go to group. She got her butt reamed by the probation officer, her supervisor and her group counseling leader. She now has one sanction for failing the prior drug test and (she flunked another today so I assume that will be another sanction). If she doesn't perform her community service before her next probation hearing she will have yet another sanction. Fifth sanction they issue a warrant for her arrest. The rate she is going it will happen before the summer is over!
    On the positive side, she participated in group today and swears she is going to get it together and get on the straight and narrow...but we have heard that song way too many times....
    I am planning a family day out on Friday, hoping for some bonding. I must be out of my mind, huh? I keep hoping today is the day she is going to turn it all around.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hope is essential to keep us Mom's going, isn't it? Just be sure to temper it with reality. How could you not with a difficult child in the mix?

    She sure seems determined to get those sanctions. I really do NOT understand the current concept of probation. It is supposed to be a chance to prove you are not going to continue a life of crime, right? A second chance? Yet how many times does a person on their "second chance" get before the courts get off their tushies and deal with things? The whole system reminds me of that Mom at the playground that drives everyone nuts by telling their kid the same thing over and over. "Johnny don't do that. Johnny stop hitting. Johnny I said stop hitting. If you hit one more time we are going home. If you don't stop hitting I am going to wallop you. Johnny why do you keep hitting after I told you not to? Johnny some other kid is going to smack you and I am going to give them your lollipop because you deserve it. Johnny it is no wonder you don't have friends because you hit everyone." and on and on and on and on until every kid in the area wants to dogpile Johnny's MOM because she is more annoying than even he is.

    Just like Johnny, I don't think the current system is teaching people much. It sure isn't "rehabilitating" our difficult children to follow the laws because it teaches them that most of the time no one will do anything but yammer at them.

    I am sorry you are caught up in this. stick to your guns about being her chauffeur and servant. If need be, report her to her PO for any property damage, violence at home, signs of drug use and running away. Sadly she is NOT going to learn anything from this unless the system actually follows through with a real consequence.

    Meanwhile, stick around. vent, rant, talk, etc... here. We understand and won't judge you. Promise!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I hope things go as you want them to...what a rough road so many of us travel. Hugs. DDD
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Does she have access to Adderall?
  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    From her friends but NOT from my house. I learned long ago to keep medications under lock and key. Her brother has a prescription for during the school year but in no way do I let her anywhere near it! She flunked yesterday's drug test for Xanax. Says she "found" it. She told her counselor drugs keep her calmed down. He told her they could see about getting her on something legal for that AFTER she can test clean for a while.