Hi All. I will try to keep this short. I have a depressed 16 year old who over the past six months is making a lot of poor choices. He is self-medicating with marijuana. It is hard to know how often but he has bragged to his friends this past week that going to high school high is fun. (I don't know where he is getting any money since he spends his tiny weekly allowance almost immediately and in front of me on posters or junk food. I have seen no evidence of dealing.) I have 3 burning questions: 1. How much should I focus on determining whether he is an addict? If it is, then I start taking him to Narcotics Anonymous meetings as I guaranteed I would (and which he swears he won't go to). But it's so hard to tell if he still has a merely "recreational" relationship to it. 2. I understand that random drug tests would help me catch him. But my partner feels it will erode his trust, set up a police state, and make my son rebel more, thus ending the sporadic bits of communication we do get from him. My partner keeps saying we have to catch him in the act, we need solid proof, etc. (I think that will take a long time and doesn't seem like an effective plan, but I also want to respect his ideas and of course I don't want to sever communication.) 3. Finally, for those who have lived with people making these choices over years of struggle, will he ever know or acknowledge how much we love him? Do kids who mess up go to their parents' funerals and feel bad? I realize this sounds very melodramatic, but I am stunned by how self-centered he is and how little he appreciates all the advantages he has both received and earned before the depression arrived. Thanks for listening.