Worse than ever

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Dec 13, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I haven't been on here in a bit ..as I have been sick . Nuthg has changed with my Son.. everythg is still everones fault except his own:( He still says he's clean,Not Drinking! Which I know for certain he is drinking... drugs I still cant pin point... Has to be a combination for Him To call Me names & curse me like he does .... I have told him I want NO CONTACT UNTIL he cleans up & gets a job
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your hurting heart. I wish I had wise advice but I don't. I do care. We all do
     
  3. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank You ... just to know people do care is helpful ❤️Thank you
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Everyone here cares.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    T Rene

    Welcome back. Sorry to hear that you were sick.

    Stay strong with your son!
     
  6. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Im trying:( Its so hard but its to the point He calls me bad names anytime he sees me ! ...because I wont let him live on my couch Thank you for kind words
     
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My son is an addict and we've been on the highway to hell for many years. He never did call me names though so I don't really get that.

    Do you see a therapist? It has helped me to create healthy boundaries. I like to discuss my thoughts and fears and work through them. I think everyone got sick of me talking about my problems all the time and this enabled me to cut down on that and SEE that what my son was doing really wasn't my fault and had nothing to do with me and most importantly, that I could not FIX him.

    It's all very hard.
     
  8. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I do have a therapist, sometimes its even hard to explain to her ... but it helps ... My son is Very angry person ...& living here & there... thats why He hates on me ... because I wont let him keep bumming & not working
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    How old is he? What's your story? I'm sorry I do remember your name but not your story.

    Sometimes it helps to journalize too...
     
  10. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Hes 28 ...
    hes the 28 yr old that his wife left him & he blames everyone except himself:( hes the one that I pd his house off because I had to make sure he had a home that he refuses to live in ... Hes a very angry person
     
  11. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Wow you have done a lot. I can't imagine doing this with my 21 year old and pray he gets it together soon.

    Your son has to realize this on his own. Nothing he can do. I have had to step waaaaaay back with our son.

    Hugs.
     
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You paid off his house. Not sure why or if it helped but what a sacrifice from you to him.

    He has no right to be anything to you but kind and grateful. In my own opinion, you have given him MORE than a hand up and he won't even take it because of bad memories. Too bad. He can go to therapy. Or not. But at 27 he had his own home. Wow. If he chooses not to live in it, for any reason, that is on him. He is not homeless and you have done more than enough.

    Turn off his lying, baiting voice in your head, remember to see him as an adult rather than a cute little boy, and perhaps severely limiting any contact would help you.

    Maddening. So sorry for you.
     
  13. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    So sorry for your anguish...at some point do you get angry? How dare he speak to you like that, stay strong....turn off the phone and treat yourself.

    Prayers..hugs...we care...we're here.
     
  14. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    Thank You Yes His home is pd off ...I needed to make sure that he did have a home... but he wants to bum around & keep burning bridges every where he goes :(( Its so sad ... he has everything... he just don't care anymore... only to drink & watever else I am not sure ... but his actions
     
  15. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I only wanted to make sure My children have a home ... I thought it wld be a secure life ... but it has backfired
     
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, you meant the best. But a house is a huge expense and takes work to maintain. You need a sustaining job and a good work ethic to kerp up a house.We all tend to think that magically our adult children will step up to the plate if we give them their material needs, but if they haven't before the gifts, they don't after. They either can't or won't take care of themselves. If your son is using drugs that will impede him. If he is mentally ill he needs to choose to get help.

    You can't decide for him or force it. He's of legal age.


    Maybe it's time to try something new like stepping back. Doing the same thing over and over again when it never works is the
    definition of insanity :)

    I hope you can enjoy your other loved ones. Don't let this adult child sick all the oxygen out of your world. It is unfair to your other family...and yourself.

    I hope you have other children as I feel it is much easier for us if not all of our beloved children are a mess. I thank the universe every day for my three amazing adult children and just hope my problem adult child helps himself one day.

    He does have a good job and car and house, but he is unable to cope with any stress, won't get help and chased away most family and has no friends.

    Frankly he is abusive to everyone who might have been close to him, except his son, and I worry that that day may come too when the boy gets older and not so adoring of him. He is 39...i am not going to baby him anymore. He can be very mean.

    I am glad he lives a few states away. Yes, I know how that sounds but its true.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 14, 2016
  17. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    I do have a daughter that's amazing... he has 3 different medical license & my gran daughter ... I am very proud... but my son is very hateful to everyone around him ... we have tried to get him help over & over .. but he refuses ...when he gets kicked out of another friends house... he will text me demanding I come help him .. that he has 10 mins to get his stuff out ... over & over So Much Drama :( This was a guy that everyone wanted to be for a long time ... now nobody can deal with him
     
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is just my opinion ion. I did it myself and for me it worked. Remember I also have a son who is very troubled but refused all help.

    I decided to let go of the outcome of this son for my own sanity
    I can't change him Or make him get help. He is a man now. If he ever has a light bulb moment, he knows where to go. I am not a psychiatrist, you know.

    My other kids and husband are loving, fun and kind, like your daughter. I chose to focus on making my nice family members the cornerstone of my life. I am at peace with my decision. Letting him abuse me was just enabling him to keep acting badly, and being there for him every day was not encouraging him to TRY to make friends. I can't make him do it, but I don't have to be a proxy male friend to him. Maybe pulling away will change him. Maybe not. They have free will. I know I feel more at peace.

    I am happy with my life now. This one son isnt happy, but it's partly due to his self made isolation and his unwillingness to commit to serious therapy. It's up to him.
    It's up to your son too. You bought him a house and he wont live in it. That's crazy. Let go of his choices. That helps us and we can only help us, not them.

    Enjoy your thriving loved ones and yourself and remember you have done all you can for 27 Son. There is nothing else you can do.
    Lots of hugs and love.
     
  19. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    T Rene

    I have turned my son over to my higher power. When I wake up in the middle of the night with worry I just say to myself "he's in God's hands". It helps me tremendously. I am sleeping much better.

    I have tried to fix my son. I cannot do it. I have had to accept that. He has to want it and want a better life for himself.

    We are supposed to raise our children to be independent adults. Once we have done that it's up to them to take over their own life. They are responsible for their lives. We are not. Don't let him put that on you. Don't accept that.