I was sitting around with a few of my friends and the conversation grew serious. One of my dear friends, who is a younger woman, lives on and off with her mother. Her mother wants and needs help, but is pretty awful. I have met her, we all have. My friend is a saint to help her. She doesnt appreciate it and often when they are in a car together (mom doesnt drive) her mother starts telling her how selfish she is and that she is ugly which is why she never married (not true. She was engaged but broke it off). Once, thinking nobody would believe how her mother talked to her and wanting validation, she recorded this with her phone. She still loves her mother dearly. Now her mother wont talk to her and she feels very frantic and scared about it. Apparently her sister told her mom she was sleeping around and her mother believed it and cut her off telling her sister that until she goes to church with her, confesses, promises to never sleep around again, apologizes and comes clean about the men that they can never speak or see one another again, even on holidays. The two other sisters are now driving Mom around and tending to her needs and they wont talk to this friend either. Mother claims to and puts on an act of being a Christian. Friend is just spiritusl, not any religion. The whole rumor started because ex told her sister she slept around (not so nicely put) and that this is why HE broke up with her (a lie). Her family believed it. She was always the scapegoat so now she is out and very distraught. I am afraid she is suicidal. Yet she has said that she would never do what her mother says in order to get semi included in her family again. I am not sure I believe she can or will hold off forever and do not want such a nice woman, only 41, killing herself. Oh yea. Her 20 year old son was tossed out of the family too but he doesnt seem to care. This made all of us think and talk about it. I once repeatedly, even in loving letters, apologized to my mother hoping to make her love me. Yet I never knew why I was apologizing and felt that she needed to apologize for her abuse. It didnt work to lie/apologize and I swore I would never ever apologize again if, in my gut, I knew I wasnt at fault. Ever. And I never did or will. Not to brother who is only nice to me if sister is (although he told me he can form his own opinion or maybe he bought sisters lies) and who I never did anything bad to, or to deranged sister who called the cops on me all the time and cut me off a million times for petty reasons and who probably thinks I owe her some apology and she doesnt owe me any. I wont do it even to make peace. After the mother thing, I take responsibility, BUT only when I know I should. And I told the group. We all told experiences to each other and opinions. There were varying opinions. Some said they might do it just to make peace. It depended. Most said no way. We talked for a few hours then it broke up and I am left to think and worry. I worry sbout my friend. She was so distraught. She DOES have a therapist and all of us. I hope thats enough. She is timid and wants to please people and not seeing her mom and sisters is hard on her. Even though they are not nice to her. I get it, sadly. Once that was me. I could never do what she is being asked to do but I was not half as strong at 40 as I am now. Could you ever imagine doing this? I should add that this woman doesnt even flirt with guys. Although I cant know for sure, I believe her that the only man she was ever with was her boyfriend. Maybe due to my own experiences, my heart breaks when people have to go through nonsense like this with people who should love them. Not everyone can deal with it. Would you ever do the demands this mother asked?