Young difficult child is under our roof for life

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by lovemysons, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi all!
    Been such a long time since I posted...where to begin?
    I'll keep it brief since I am on a iPad and never know when my son will enter the room.
    First I have 3 children. Daughter is married working on Masters Degree. Oldest son is married with 3 daughters and runs a very successful company now..
    Middle son is why I am back...
    I always called him Young difficult child back in the day (gift from God).
    He is married but separated with 3 children.
    He lived on the streets for the better part of the last 3 out of 4 years.
    He has bipolar disorder, like me, and addiction problems.
    Husband and I have decided to care for him the rest of our lives.
    He has no ambition to work...very little determination to do much of anything besides sleep and watch tv and talk about his past hurts and current pain.
    When we let him come back home...we found out through tests that he contracted Hep C on the streets shooting meth. He also has a pacemaker. So you can see there are a number of things going on.
    Just wanted to briefly update say Hi. I've missed the Board.
    I will check back later.
    Love,
    LMS
     
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    LMS

    Welcome back! I do remember you.

    Oh my it must be difficult having your son there. Is he still actively using drugs and alcohol and if so, how are you able to cope with that?

    Do his wife and children live there also?

    It sounds like you have your hands full but glad your other two are thriving.
     
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Welcome back! Good to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear about your sons health issues. I can't imagine it was an easy decision for you and your husband to make to care for him.
    Wishing you peace.
     
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Make sure you get services for him as ASAP so he is getting help, if anything should happen to you two. There are adult services for the disabled. Is he getting social security so he can qualify? If not do apply. He should get them with his health issues.

    Hope it is not too hard with him at home and bravo for your other two kids!
     
  5. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    LMS How wonderful to hear from you!

    Wishing you all the best
    OTE
     
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi RN, Tawnya, Swot and OTE! Great to see you again!
    To answer a few questions...
    Young difficult child is not using alcohol or drugs while living with us. He doesn't have access to transportation except through me. We live out in the country now.
    We actually moved to another state to help him when we found out about the Hep C.

    See we are Indian (last in line to be able to receive benefits)...and our Indian nation works with pharmaceutical company to provide the 100 thousand dollar cost benefit to my son...as long as live in Indian nation county. And so now we do. Bought a beautiful home on an acre and half and a new puppy in April.

    No...wife hooked up with another man and his 4 children with her 3 children (my grandchildren) and then had another baby with the new man. She was using drugs and in December of last year she came by our old house and literally dropped the grandchildren off and left. She had lost her mind. Long story short...new man dumped her and moved onto another woman. CPS got involved and gave our grandchildren and the new baby to her mom to care for. You can imagine the pain and anger difficult child has over this!

    The decision was not hard to have difficult child come back and live with us.
    He had been on the streets long enough. I had sent the police looking for him many times across the states as he made his way from Texas to Colorado and finally to California. I even filed a missing persons report once.

    Before he made his way to California, I found him one middle of the night sleeping next to an abandoned gas station. Saddest thing I have ever seen in my life. It was 3 o'clock in the morning. And I sat there in my car watching him huddled up next to the building. Nothing I could do...husband would not let him come home at that time. I prayed constantly for his well being. I'm grateful he's still alive!
    I love my son with all my heart.
    LMS
     
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  7. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    LMS

    Do you know about SSDI? I filed for ss retirement and ss sent me a letter saying that my SSI kid needed to file for SSDI. I didn't know about it nor did most of the parents of disabled in my local support group. But if your husband is retirement age it would be worth doing for your son. Meant a lot more money for my kid.
     
  8. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Hi LMS- I recently came back to the boards after a few years absence as my alcoholic daughter has relapsed. Coming back here helps me keep my focus on myself and being healthy. It sounds like you have a lot going on. I hope all goes well. Glad you are living in the country (as I do) as it is peaceful and calming. Also, glad you got a puppy. In my experience dogs provide a comfort and healing that humans cannot. Sending positive energy to all of you.
     
  9. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Good morning all!
    OTE...hi how have you been?
    Son is not on SSI yet and unfortunately husband is nowhere near retirement. In fact he's schooled himself the last 6 years in financial advisory industry to be able to take over his father's company in a couple of years. We are relying on The Indian nation benefits for sons medical care (and mine) at this time.

    Hi Eliz! I am so sorry your daughter has relapsed but it does happen to the best of us! I relapsed (for 6 weeks while manic) after 13 years of sobriety and have been sober since. Husband has not had a drink for at least 26 years! Both of us were in AA early on then turned to the church. I haven't been to church for 12 years now I think. But it's all there. AA and Alonon helped the most for me. I hope your daughter will get sober again soon.

    We do have a lot going on here but like you said living out in the country provides a lot of peace. I try to stay calm around son...I know that he sometimes forgets or misuses his medication and then I see some mania that can be difficult to deal with. Both of us are seeing psychiatrist and both of us will start seeing a counselor in December. I really do need extra guiding input as we are looking at son living with us the rest of our lives. He has a good heart and adores our new puppy.
    And speaking of puppy...he is a super smart Australian Shepherd! By 12 weeks he knew how to potty outside, sit, shake, laydown and speak. And he is beautiful!
    Our plan is to buy a Red Merle female and breed. Our Rocky cost us $3000 but he was worth every penny. We call him husband's dog and the two have bonded beautifully. Reminds me of when daddy walked through the door when our kids were little. Rocky loves his daddy! ❤️

    Busy day ahead! Getting my hair highlighted and trimmed then nails and maybe stop by the casino! Hope everyone has a wonderful day!
    Love LMS
     
  10. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    Lms.

    SSI and later SSDI is monthly cash for food and board. Not about medical. Its about giving you some help with bills.
     
  11. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    LMS, it's lovely to see you here, but of course I'm sorry for the reason.

    It seems it's the season for "oldies" to return -- my kid is also giving problems and I am thinking about airing them here. It's hard to get going again writing after such a long break. Mind you, I come here almost every day to look.

    It sounds as if you and your husband are really on the same page and have come to this decision and that the decision is giving you peace of mind. I hope it works.

    Love, Esther
     
  12. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Dear Esther,
    So good to see you but I am so sorry your son is giving you problems.
    I hope you'll share and get good feedback and support. I know how rough it can be especially around the holidays when we just want love happiness and peace.

    Our Thanksgiving was a very small gathering this year. Son my mom and her boyfriend. Daughter is embarrassed by our son and didn't want our son to be around her new in laws. Oldest son will not bring his son to our house to visit unless young difficult child is no longer living with us...likely because of the mental illness issue. Oldest son never wants talk of MI issues around his daughters.

    Speaking of oldest son...last December he was manic and had about 4 projects going on at same time in his home. His wife was scared and called us. We went to his house and there in the middle of the living room floor was a loaded gun! Scared me to death! Unfortunately I started smoking again that day after having stopped for almost 2 years. Oldest son has been sober and going to AA meetings for around 6 months this time. So you can see both of my sons are still struggling with addiction/mental illness issues. But it's strange...
    One is the homeless type introvert with no drive to work while the other is the born salesman type outgoing driven to work hard etc.

    Love to you and yours Esther....
    I hope the situation improves soon.
    LMS