19 year old mentally ill son terrorizing family.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by WearyMomofZ, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. WearyMomofZ

    WearyMomofZ New Member

    My son is 19 and has been having rages since he was 3. I fought medication for him untill he was 11. Initially the medicine seem to help and he did well in school and controlled himself while he was there. Home was a completely different matter. He's very big and strong and has torn doors off hinges broken through walls and terrorized us for many years. My younger son stays with my parents because he is scared of his brother and can't get any peace when he's around. I've read through some of the posts here and see our situation repeated over and over. I feel guilty for feeling this way but living with him is a real nightmare. He has diagnosis of cyclothymic disorder bipolar disorder and The Gauntlet that goes along with them. He took a medicine that caused male breast tissue and refuses any medications now. He won't accept Social Security Disability because he said he doesn't want it on his "record". When he gets down he threatened suicide and we had him hospitalized using the by the police once the previous times were in adolescence and all they did was adjust his medications. Honestly I just want him out. I can list all the things we've tried all the medicines the counselors. I owe it to my younger son to get his brother out of his house permanently. My concerns are his threats of suicide and retaliation against us. In addition he will often drag my elderly parents into the situation getting them to give him money or letting him live atatheir house. Despite having said he can't live there anymore I fear he will manipulate them into acquiescing. I just need some advice on how to proceed with getting him out.
     
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Call the police every time he becomes threatening and/or violent. If he doesn't want a "record" then he won't behave in a manner such that charges are inevitable if he continues.

    Check the laws in your state to see if you need to follow a formal eviction procedure, believe it or not sometimes this is needed.

    If you fear that he will destroy property or harm you, or your family members/pets I would notify the police immediately and obtain a restraining order. This may get him out of your home sooner.

    The only reason I am not in your situation is the fact that my oldest stepson does not live with us. He is also violent and has harmed multiple family members in the past. Your family will be in my prayers. Good luck. Police involvement is absolutely mandatory.
     
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    There might be a social worker who can guide you through this. The restraining order is a good idea. Your younger son might develop an anxiety disorder if this doesn't stop. I understand why your older son refuses medicine after such bad side effects. Everybody says the side effects are awful--in different ways than what your son endured. Some people gain thirty pounds, and with the schools and doctors pushing kids to be thin nowadays, it explains why people go off their medications. It's a major problem. Does he know he could end up in a homeless shelter, like many others who won't take medications? Does he know his chsncch of working and living a normal life are much higher if he takes the medications?
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Keep him out. Get a restraining order against him and call the police if he breaks it. Your other son shouldnt be punished because of his brother.

    medications may or may not help him depending on whether he will agree to take them regularly and if he does not have a co existing personality disorder which is serious, often violent and doesnt respond to medications. If he is a Narcicist or antisocial, medications won't help. His long-standing problems indicate he could have a personality disorder, even if it is not diagnosed, at least not yet.

    I would keep HIM out of the home for the safety of everyone.

    Your parents are adults. You can't make them not help your son. But chances are that the behaviors he has will wear thin on them fast.

    Love and light!
     
  5. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    Weary Mom,

    Think you need to separate legally getting him out from keeping him out/ retaliation from having the strength to stick with your decisions. Legally getting him out is the easiest part really. He's 19. You have reasons. If you have police reports it will happen legally. Then comes the tough part. Sure change the locks. I had my neighbors calling the cops when he would be breaking in. Post a copy of eviction/ trespass order to inside of your front door/ window in case he does something like convince locksmith he's just locked out.

    Couple of suggestions:

    1. Before you do anything talk to your parents. Harder for them. Work with them so they have a plan when he shows up at their door. A plan that they can stick to. They can get a no trespass order when you do. Easier for them if they go to court with you to get their own in the same hearing.
    2. Don't bring your younger son home for a few weeks. There will be a few weeks of chaos.
    3. Ask your police dept if they have social workers who can walk you through this. They can get cops to help you more effectively than you can..
    4. Police social workers can give you contacts for help for you and your son. Can get him admitted to hospital or placements more easily.

    If your town does not have police social workers ask at courthouse for victim advocates. Will be a lot easier on you if you have someone locally to go through the process with you. If you still can't find anyone call your local mental health society. They may have volunteers to help. This is hard. Reach out locally.
     
  6. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    agree with all of the posters. He needs to be out. Him being removed from the home will benefit all of you because you need time from the "soup" to see clearly. These behaviours have become the norm for the family except that when we step back we realize how abnormal and wrong they are. That is when the cycle can stop and some progress can be made. I am so sorry how stressing this is for all of you. But doing the same thing over and over will not result in any change for you or him. Hugs!