Shari
IsItFridayYet?
I'll try to keep it short.
A couple of years ago, maybe longer, easy child 2 was miffed at her dad and I. Upon investigation, her mom had told her that she could barely afford to buy groceries because she had to pay for easy child 2's existence, and was mad at us, because mom paid it all and we paid nothing.
We breifly explained the concept of child support to her then, and told her that we give mom money to help pay for part of those things. We left it at that.
When she was here over spring break, she asked how much we paid her mom. I showed her. I also told her that it wasn't for the benefit of her fun and games, it was for things like food, electricity, a car to get her aroundr, clothes, doctor, etc (to which easy child replied "grandma buys my clothes and pays when I go to the doctor", but anyway). I also showed her our household budget, so she wouldn't think it was just tons and tons of money.
Apparently after easy child 2 went back to her mom's and after a few days asked if she could bring the skates next time she came here. Mom said no, and easy child 2 asked why. First mom told her it was because she'd forget them here. easy child 2 said she wouldn't, and even if she did, she could come get them. Then mom said it was because she pays for all the stuff easy child 2 has at mom's house and mom doesn't want it to come here. easy child 2 told her she knew about child support and that our money helped pay for stuff. Then mom changed it again and her excuse was that if she let easy child 2 bring things here, she'd have to let her husband's kids take stuff from there to their mom's house...
So, anyway...I'm sitting here feeling guilty that I said anything to easy child about child support ever. I think junk like this should not be part of a kid's world, but on the same note, way back when we first explained child support, I don't think her mom needed to be venting to easy child about her financial woes being our fault, either. Kids are expensive. According to the child support charts, we're paying more than our share.
So...did I screw up?
I'm actually kinda proud of easy child 2. Not that I ever condone fighting with the parents, but unfortunately, easy child 2 has to realize her mom doesn't always lead her down a good path (the woman straight up told easy child 2 to lie to us, more than once), and she's going to have to learn to think things thru for herself. She didn't "win", but she at least made an effort to hold her ground. She talked thru it with me yesterday and now is questioning what the other kids have to do with her bringing something to dad's house - the other kids are rarely there when easy child 2 leaves there to come here or goes back there from here - they would never be aware. She's also thinking about wanting to spend more time here, which I think is the root of all of this...she wants to spend at least half-time here (she told me last night) and I think she's testing the waters with mom, cause she knows she'll have to stand her ground.
(PS - I'll be so glad when she finally starts with the counselor. We FINALLY got her mom talked into letting us take her to counseling, but her first appointment isn't until May. I'll be glad when it gets here, tho...)
A couple of years ago, maybe longer, easy child 2 was miffed at her dad and I. Upon investigation, her mom had told her that she could barely afford to buy groceries because she had to pay for easy child 2's existence, and was mad at us, because mom paid it all and we paid nothing.
We breifly explained the concept of child support to her then, and told her that we give mom money to help pay for part of those things. We left it at that.
When she was here over spring break, she asked how much we paid her mom. I showed her. I also told her that it wasn't for the benefit of her fun and games, it was for things like food, electricity, a car to get her aroundr, clothes, doctor, etc (to which easy child replied "grandma buys my clothes and pays when I go to the doctor", but anyway). I also showed her our household budget, so she wouldn't think it was just tons and tons of money.
Apparently after easy child 2 went back to her mom's and after a few days asked if she could bring the skates next time she came here. Mom said no, and easy child 2 asked why. First mom told her it was because she'd forget them here. easy child 2 said she wouldn't, and even if she did, she could come get them. Then mom said it was because she pays for all the stuff easy child 2 has at mom's house and mom doesn't want it to come here. easy child 2 told her she knew about child support and that our money helped pay for stuff. Then mom changed it again and her excuse was that if she let easy child 2 bring things here, she'd have to let her husband's kids take stuff from there to their mom's house...
So, anyway...I'm sitting here feeling guilty that I said anything to easy child about child support ever. I think junk like this should not be part of a kid's world, but on the same note, way back when we first explained child support, I don't think her mom needed to be venting to easy child about her financial woes being our fault, either. Kids are expensive. According to the child support charts, we're paying more than our share.
So...did I screw up?
I'm actually kinda proud of easy child 2. Not that I ever condone fighting with the parents, but unfortunately, easy child 2 has to realize her mom doesn't always lead her down a good path (the woman straight up told easy child 2 to lie to us, more than once), and she's going to have to learn to think things thru for herself. She didn't "win", but she at least made an effort to hold her ground. She talked thru it with me yesterday and now is questioning what the other kids have to do with her bringing something to dad's house - the other kids are rarely there when easy child 2 leaves there to come here or goes back there from here - they would never be aware. She's also thinking about wanting to spend more time here, which I think is the root of all of this...she wants to spend at least half-time here (she told me last night) and I think she's testing the waters with mom, cause she knows she'll have to stand her ground.
(PS - I'll be so glad when she finally starts with the counselor. We FINALLY got her mom talked into letting us take her to counseling, but her first appointment isn't until May. I'll be glad when it gets here, tho...)
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