This is an awesome list! and totally reasonable.
Why are you backing down from it?
Sorry,been away a while, trying to nail things down.
The rules have been followed for the most part. His room is OK, he does his dishes, he doesn't smoke in the house, there have been few "incidents" where he got loud and shouted and he left the house until he calmed down and came back and apologised.
Where it is falling apart is the job.
He confessed to me this weekend he really hasn't looked. He gave me the "I'm going to change my life" speech, then asked for money for his last night out. It was obvious he was going to buy weed. Life was unpleasant when he was told no. He seems to think because we don't agree with him, we must not understand his position. That's not true. I understand perfectly - I just disagree. (Truthfully...and I know this may be a touchy remark, I'm generally pro-legalization. But it's NOT legal in my state and I won't contribute to something illegal. He's 19 - I'd not give him money for beer either! I can't control what he does outside of my house...but I won't support it. If he was working and spending his own money, outside of my home, I wouldn't like it...but much the way I wouldn't like him drinking.)
Anyway, other than taking a walk to cool off (at our directive) he didn't go out. But the job hunting is still an issue. Monday he said he "put in a few applications." Tuesday he hung out with a friend and said he had put in a couple applications. (Don't believe that.) Wednesday he said he put in a few applications. Today he said he went to the employment office...but he's already home at 11 a.m.
I spoke with him. Honestly, he sounded a little messed up...but he mumbles - always - and has one of those voices. It's hard to tell. He, of course, always denies it, which is odd since he admits to smoking when he's sober. I told him he needs to go back out and put in some more places. Will he? I don't know.
I don't understand the reluctance to get a job. I don't know what to do on the 16th, when his 30 days are up. He has very, very, very, few friends, acquaintances really, and none will let him stay. We are his only family within 100 miles. To be honest, I'm afraid that one of his stoner friends will get him selling or something if he's literally homeless and hungry and he'll end up in jail.
I guess what's really bad,is I've actually liked him more than I have in a year. He watches TV with us, eats with us, chats with us. But the deadline is near! I don't know if he's really looking. Certainly not to the extent we want him to. We do live in a small city...jobs are not that easy to find. But maybe he's sitting on his butt all day, getting high and then sobering up before we get home. I haven't smelled it on him or in the house, but that doesn't really mean anything when he admits he's done it (not in the house) since he's been home. It certainly isn't the frequency of last year, but it's happened.
I feel like I'm tied to the tracks and the train is coming....