My young adult grandson is an alcoholic. He has been in many treatment programs, sober living environments, etc., etc. I have "helped" a lot - my theory was always "If he's sober, I will help." I thought I was giving him time to grow up, to get strong, etc. (Giving food and shelter, towards that end). This most recent time, I told him I can't see him until he has some solid recovery (which he had had almost a year, so I don't even know what I mean). He is virtually homeless - got kicked out of last SLE - he is temporarily staying with a relative - but that person is also alcoholic and lives in a tiny space with someone else and had only said he could stay a few days. I had told him to only text me with good news, which he did last night (has a job prospect). This morning he texted me asking if he could use my printer to print out a resume - since he doesn't have a computer, it would be my computer and printer and he would be in my house. He and I are very close and he has spent a lot of time at my house - and I have taken him in several times when he was detoxing and played nurse! My house is my sanctuary - and I am too much of a softy - I want to feed him and tell him to take a shower, and wash his clothes - that is just my deep instinct (to assure his "safety" which makes me feel safe in the world). So I texted back advising where the library is - when he responded I said I wanted him to be independent and then said some encouraging stuff. Then I cried. This goes against my nature and I question myself. If he's trying to get a job, why would I not allow him to use my computer and printer? It's just so hard to say "no," when you think that saying no could lead to bad things: He'll feel unloved, he'll get depressed, and then he'll drink - and it will be all my fault for not being supportive - it wouldn't have hurt me (but it would hurt me because I am not strong enough to be around him). I am gagging right now, which is something I do now when upset - and my dog has learned this too. It's very weird!