Technically, legally I have three grandchidlren. However Scott left the family six or seven years ago. I've never seen his children nor did I even know when his wife was expecting. 36 would gladly let me see his son anytime I wanted, but he moved to Missouri. There is no way I can make regular trips that far. I can't afford the transportation and have to work now on top of that. I am very excited about Julie's baby-to-be-soon-born. But as I reflected on grandchildren, I thought about the many of us who are threatened by our difficult children about not being able to see our grandchildren and how the laws make it virtually impossible for us to have legal visitation when we are cut off. If they want to, they can cut us off forever, like Scott did (fortunately I never knew them to miss them). That made me think about who our grandchildren are and how to look at things when our difficult children blackmail us using those precious children or plain just cut us off. I did some radical acceptance to help me get to the crux of the issue. 1/. Most of us love are grandchildren a lot and want to protect them. 2/. But (and this is where I kind of startled myself) we have no more right to see our grandchildren legally than to see any child in the world. There is no difference. There are isolated cases where grandparents can POSSIBLY get some visitation, but only if the grandchild has been in their care a certain amount of time and it varies state to state. Usually, we are not allowed to have access to that child BECAUSE THAT CHILD IS NOT OUR CHILD. Yes, we're the parents of HIS/HER mother/father, but we are not the parents. Therefor the laws allow their parents (our children) to withhold them from us completely under most circumstances. Our grandchildren do not belong to us, even though their parents are our children. 3/I have to accept that these precious little ones in no way are my own. My difficult children have a legal backing to make sure they don't see me whenever they feel like it. I have to accept that they are legally not within my grasp unless their parents want them to be. Believe it or not, dissecting this helps me. It is reality. I am very logical rather than just heart-ruled (although the heart comes into it too, trust me), but being logical, facts really help me put even my loved ones into perspective. I do love all my children and would dearly love any grandchildren I were allowed to interact with. Because Scott decided to leave our family, except for his rich father, only his father can be in their lives. My ex freels very badly about this, but has been unable to move Scott's actions and he has no rights to do so and he, understandably, has to be "good" so that HE can see his grandkids. I don't blame him, but he does have to jump through hoops. Why? The children legally belong to Scott and his wife. Julie will never withhold her precious baby girl from me. It isn't in her to blackmail or punish. Her heart is too pure. By her grace, I will be able to see my little granddaughter whenever I like. But that is because her SO is a decent young man and my daughter is sweeter than pie and hates hurting anyone. If I live long enough to see Jumper marry and have kids, I am sure it will be the same because of who Jumper is. She is eighteen (in a few weeks). I am sixty. It all depends upon how old she is w hen she is married and has her kids. But she would never withhold them from anybody. I used to think "Wow, grandchildren will be so much fun!" I thought of them as a part of myself. Now I think, "If I'm allowed to see my grandchildren, they will be so much fun." I am not depressed or sad today, just pensive. Scott is also withholding his children from his siblings. They don't really give a rats, but I have to wonder why. Still, it is out of anyone's hands except for Scott and his wife. Our grandchildren legally, in most cases, are as much ours as the child next door. I wonder if it's more grandmother friendly in other countries because it sure isn't here! Any thoughts or discussion are welcome. If there is nothing to say, thanks for reading my musings.