Origami
Active Member
Well, the optimism I've been feeling has come to an end. After his OD, GFG27 spent a week in detox, was prescribed antidepressants, and seemed to be doing well. He has a couple of appointments set up via the hospital for therapy and a regular doctor. He also has a court date next week for his current possession charge. He's been back to work at his new job that he loves. I talked to his wife last night, who told me that he has used heroin again as recently as last Friday, and he also took something else (Adderal, not sure what) to keep himself awake the next day.
We had told him after the OD that he couldn't drive our car anymore since we thought he'd been making drug deals while driving it. (He's since denied doing that, says instead that his high-school buddy delivers the drugs to him.) On Saturday, we let him drive to the laundromat and I told him to not drive anywhere else, that we couldn't afford to have our car impounded. He said he had set up an alert on daughter in law's phone that would tell her when he went outside of a specific boundary they had set up. husband and I sat there talking to him about all this and he was acting as if all was well and good. We thought he was taking steps to get his act together.
So while we had been talking to him about driving, he sat there innocently after he had just used heroin the night before.
Last night daughter in law and I talked a long time about how he's had so many second chances, things were looking up, etc. She's been through the mill with him. Since she and the grandkids (age 6 and 3) have been living with us, we've got to know her a lot better and see that she's trying to be responsible and do the right thing. She's never done drugs herself beyond smoking pot. She said that they've been saving money to move, and she found out he's been withdrawing the savings to buy drugs.
I told her that we couldn't go on housing him if he continued to do drugs. She agreed that we shouldn't have to, and apologized for having lived with us for so long. She had hoped that difficult child would get clean, they would rent an apartment, etc. She now says she can't risk depending on his income again because she doesn't want to be without means to pay the rent if (when) he gets fired or flakes out again. She works part time (almost full time) but the wages aren't enough for rent around here. She's on a waiting list for public housing, but that can take years.
It makes me sad to even write this. I told husband about it, and he just told me that he thinks we should ask difficult child to leave our house. I told daughter in law last night that we'd probably do so, but I didn't have to want to face actually doing it. I just wanted difficult child to get better and do better. The issue of daughter in law and the grandkids complicates things. They were going to move out in a couple of months before my daughter returns from college in May and needs her room back again.
I don't want to see daughter in law and the babies homeless, and I can't stomach the fact that my son would care more about getting high than about taking care of his family. When he's not high, he's an attentive, caring father and general nice person. When he's high, he's just out of it, sleeping mostly, and not caring about anything. How can the same person have two different and seemingly opposites sides?
The difference between me and husband is that he will actually follow through with kicking difficult child out, no more discussion needed. I'd rather wait and see if things get better, although logically I know he's had enough time to make some changes. But then, I've also heard that everyone relapses several times before kicking the habit, and maybe we should be patient with him and wait until he's had a chance to visit these doctors and such. Am I being realistic at all, or should I just let husband lower the hammer? He wants to talk to difficult child tonight.
We had told him after the OD that he couldn't drive our car anymore since we thought he'd been making drug deals while driving it. (He's since denied doing that, says instead that his high-school buddy delivers the drugs to him.) On Saturday, we let him drive to the laundromat and I told him to not drive anywhere else, that we couldn't afford to have our car impounded. He said he had set up an alert on daughter in law's phone that would tell her when he went outside of a specific boundary they had set up. husband and I sat there talking to him about all this and he was acting as if all was well and good. We thought he was taking steps to get his act together.
So while we had been talking to him about driving, he sat there innocently after he had just used heroin the night before.
Last night daughter in law and I talked a long time about how he's had so many second chances, things were looking up, etc. She's been through the mill with him. Since she and the grandkids (age 6 and 3) have been living with us, we've got to know her a lot better and see that she's trying to be responsible and do the right thing. She's never done drugs herself beyond smoking pot. She said that they've been saving money to move, and she found out he's been withdrawing the savings to buy drugs.
I told her that we couldn't go on housing him if he continued to do drugs. She agreed that we shouldn't have to, and apologized for having lived with us for so long. She had hoped that difficult child would get clean, they would rent an apartment, etc. She now says she can't risk depending on his income again because she doesn't want to be without means to pay the rent if (when) he gets fired or flakes out again. She works part time (almost full time) but the wages aren't enough for rent around here. She's on a waiting list for public housing, but that can take years.
It makes me sad to even write this. I told husband about it, and he just told me that he thinks we should ask difficult child to leave our house. I told daughter in law last night that we'd probably do so, but I didn't have to want to face actually doing it. I just wanted difficult child to get better and do better. The issue of daughter in law and the grandkids complicates things. They were going to move out in a couple of months before my daughter returns from college in May and needs her room back again.
I don't want to see daughter in law and the babies homeless, and I can't stomach the fact that my son would care more about getting high than about taking care of his family. When he's not high, he's an attentive, caring father and general nice person. When he's high, he's just out of it, sleeping mostly, and not caring about anything. How can the same person have two different and seemingly opposites sides?
The difference between me and husband is that he will actually follow through with kicking difficult child out, no more discussion needed. I'd rather wait and see if things get better, although logically I know he's had enough time to make some changes. But then, I've also heard that everyone relapses several times before kicking the habit, and maybe we should be patient with him and wait until he's had a chance to visit these doctors and such. Am I being realistic at all, or should I just let husband lower the hammer? He wants to talk to difficult child tonight.