difficult child is highly motivated and extremely resourceful!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by bluebell, Mar 24, 2014.

  1. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    - in doing the wrong things! After reading the article on detachment and other posts here, I have had a moment of clarity. And here I've been thinking he was incompetent and helpless and would starve or freeze to death without us poking and prodding!
    Maybe I'm deluding myself with some 'magical thinking' here, but it seems that since we've cut off the car and the money supply, he's managed to find somewhere to sleep other than home most nights and I guess get himself fed and watered. He doesn't look too terribly bad when he comes home.
    Although he did show up at 6am yesterday morning saying he had been in a car accident with a drunk driver (the other vehicle), normally I would have been all over that, trying to convince him that this is why you don't need to be out and about in the middle of the night and see - I told you so - worry worry worry blah blah blah. I'm still not sure he wasn't lying or somehow trying to manipulate me - but I just told him I was glad he was ok and went back to bed. He got him some sleep and a shower and he was off again!!!
    Just makes me more comfortable with my decision to get him a restraining order for his 18th birthday in September.
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I'm glad he is okay, Bluebell.


  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Is he violent? Are you afraid of him? Does he break your things?

    I am also glad, and not surprised, that he is doing well. Although we don't know the street tricks, they learn them fast and they don't seem to mind them either. If they REALLY hated the streets, they'd follow our rules so that they could live at home. None of us said they can't come back IF they follow our rules, most which are really just normal stuff for a kid over 18, like work and do chores.
  4. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Yes, he's violent and has destroyed our property and stolen from us. He's extremely disruptive, disrespectful, and takes no responsibility for his actions. Ever.

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  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Bluebell, I have seen it on this board many times, our difficult child's are wildly resourceful "out there" they can live on air when they want to. All our parental fears are rarely realized, for they use their incredible skill at manipulation and conniving, lying and stealing, lack of empathy and lack of responsibility as well as their 'charm' when they want to use it and remarkably find ways to survive.

    And, so you know, I have a good amount of mental illness in my family. My brother is schizophrenic who at one point lived on the streets in L.A. for many years. He preferred that until he got older and he moved into a sort of flop house, but amazingly, he survived okay. A number of our members here have kids who are presently homeless or have been homeless and so far, they have all gotten through.

    You may already know about NAMI, (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) but if you don't, they can be accessed online and they have chapters everywhere. They have very, very good courses for parents and resources for you and possibly for your son too. It would be worth a phone call to them. Their parent courses are very helpful for US.

    It's so very hard to live with a child who acts out in the way your son does. I am very glad you're here, hang in there, keep posting, it helps a lot.
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    One of the things I have learned about my difficult child is he is very resourceful when he wants to be and in his own way he is a survivor. I have no idea (nor do I think I want to) how he survived on the streets of Colorado in the middle of winter last year but he did. By the time he called us to help him get to treatment he was pretty sick and pretty down and out BUT he did find a way to survive.

    In its own twisted way that brought me some comfort at the time.


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