difficult child . . . my new BFF.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Kathy813, Jul 16, 2012.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child came in to say goodnight when she got home last night. She had gone out to dinner with her cousin who is now living in Atlanta. My niece (same age as difficult child) is in the National Guard and has gone on three tours of duty in Afghanistan and Iraq. She is currently the youngest sergeant in her platoon. We are so proud of her. Ironically, my niece came from a very poor background and had practically nothing but has overcome all of that to become a very successful young adult.

    Anyway, difficult child laid down in bed with me to catch me up on what my niece was up to and then we started talking about difficult child's day at work. She said she is really happy there and is so glad she ended up getting that job. She also told me about an 18-year-old who works there that was having problems getting along with her mother and said she can't wait to leave home.

    difficult child told her she used to feel like that, too, but now her mother was her best friend. I couldn't believe those words were coming out of her mouth. She followed that up by saying that she felt like she could talk to me about anything. I told her that someone once told me that you end up closest to the child that you had the most problems with. difficult child said, "So you are closer to me than easy child?" I laughed and said "Well, at least physically since you are living here." difficult child laughed, too.

    Sometimes it scares me since things are going so well. It will hurt so much more if this all blows up in my face. I still worry every time that difficult child leaves the house. I wonder if I will ever really feel like things will be okay and stop worrying.

    I am certainly not there yet.

  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This made me smile Kathy. I am happy for you and difficult child, what a tender moment to share. It's all so new yet, I imagine over time, the past will slip unnoticed into memory and you will simply accept the new difficult child and how it is now. This is wonderful. Hugs to you, you've both done a really good job. Enjoy your moments now. Someone told me once, "don't rehash the past or rehearse for the future, simply stay right here in the present."
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy, that is so amazing. Im thrilled. You know, Cory has wanted nothing more all his life but for his dad to be proud of him and accept him. Tony has made it hard. Cory has made it hard too. Tony has been so afraid to believe Cory's good moments could possibly last that he practically beat him into the ground. Just in the last few months has he come to the realization that change just may be real. I think Tony was too afraid of getting hurt. I believed in Cory way before Tony would admit he did.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    It sounds like difficult child is being truly genuine, and she's resolutely working her DBT program. I'm glad she enjoys her job - that makes such a difference, too. This change can absolutely last a lifetime if that's what she wants, and each new victory and accomplishment builds a foundation, then a fortress. What a gift!
  5. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Very happy for you!
  6. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Very nice post to read and I am really happy for you.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Kathy, it takes a while for the stress to go down, for that "being on edge all the time" over a difficult child. Accept that. It will get better.

    Keep in mind, too, that there may still be set-backs, but those are more likely to be the "one step back" type... maybe a left curve here or there. It's still going to be more forward than backward, and THAT is a huge improvement.

  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Glad your difficult child is doing so well right now. And unfortunately I understand the dread it causes very well. I have decided I try to just enjoy and cherish the good moments and not to think much about how fleeting they may be. I think it through worst case scenario; if my difficult child would drop dead today, what would be most important for me: Those memories of the good times. So I try not to ruin the good times with worrying what is to come but just cherish them. Of course I hope there will be many good years to come, but if not: At least I will have the memories.

    I also try to think that every positive step difficult child makes will leave something in him. Something he does learn. And even if there will be some major setbacks, he will still have those experiences and skills and he can go back and use them again. Even with setbacks the good things will not be for naught.
  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    These are the moments we live for. ...and if I've learned anything at all along this road, I've learned to enjoy these moments while they are happening. Like your daughter, mine couldn't wait to escape me. After having experienced several different living arrangements ...living with her dad, living in a college dorm (but not actally doing college wor ... we pulled the plug on this one fast), living in an apartment with a boyfriend, living in a flea bag motel with an internet dude ..... somehow after having actually escaped me, I somehow didn't seem so bad after all. She's here now, by choice. It's not always easy.

    However, when those sweet moments come along, I enjoy every second.

    It's nice to see your difficult child appreciates you.

  10. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    ♥ ♥ ♥

    Slow and steady wins the race and this change has been both. I understand your caution-but please enjoy your optimism and the peace. I am so happy for you. XXOO
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    ;) Enjoy and embrace these times. Her question was so poignant. Hugs DDD
  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Kathy her attitude is so wonderful. There was a ton of love in what she said. Noone goes forward perfectly, but boy do I ever get the feelings of anxiety and worry. When they do struggle it is hard not to think they are right back into relapse full swing with either their emotional troubles or addiction. You are doing great. Your difficult child gives me hope. :)