Lost in sadness
Active Member
So, he has lost his job. They have given him a weeks notice for being late in the mornings and for the incident that took place outside of work which he goes to court for tomorrow. We have tried to help him by writing to the company about their general treatment of staff including our son and they are taking this further and the decision to let him go may be overturned. We told him that in the meantime he must continue to go to work on time and be professional. Yesterday he never went. Today, I suspect the same.
On Saturday I took him back to the shop to return his playstation so that he could pay his rent as he has no money left. They only gave him £200 for it rather than the £350 he paid as it was in a used condition. I suggested he gave me the £70 cash for rent and I will pay the landlord online which he did. He was staying at ours that evening to spend time with my daughter as we were going out. When we got home my husband tried to talk to him about setting up a direct debit for his rent as he does not agree that my son gives us the cash and we pay it. He feels my son should take full responsibility for it. My son lost his temper and said he didn't want to talk about it. He also demanded the £70 back and went out to the pub slamming the door. I told him on the way out that we were not having this behaviour in our home and he could not stay. We went out and left his bags round the side gate. We got calls at 1am and 2am - probably wanting to come back, we ignored.
I got into an argument yesterday on the phone about him not going in to work and he says he was applying for jobs. I see no signs of this. In fact I have applied for about 6 jobs on his behalf. He told me he had paid his rent. I have also seen a message last night from his landlord asking for the rent. I can also see on his emails he has been increasing a bank overdraft but will still not have enough to pay it. So it seems he spent the whole £200 on Saturday night and now has a £450 debt on his bank account. I can see he bought weed on Saturday night.
So, today I sit here tired with worry, teary and in despair. He now has no job, no money and has not paid to keep a roof over this head. My husband sent him a long message last night telling him we were back ing off again until he sorted his life out. He has told me I should take all his washing back and his suit (which I clean every week) and put £5 in his pocket for him to get himself to court tomorrow and sort out his own life out as I am not to help him.
My question is this: Should I take him to court tomorrow as I originally promised or is it time to let him sort himself out again. I want to because that way I ensure he goes. I am so worried that he will be back where he started and he seemed to be doing so well. I want to stop this slippery slope before it gets unmanageable but my instinct says I must not. It feels like loving him is conditional, like we are sending the message to him that we will be in his life and love him if he does what we want, and that doesn't feel fair. Shouldn't be love him and be here for him whatever he is? Are we not damaging him emotionally by continually withdrawing our support every time he messes up? It all feels so confusing. Thank you xx
On Saturday I took him back to the shop to return his playstation so that he could pay his rent as he has no money left. They only gave him £200 for it rather than the £350 he paid as it was in a used condition. I suggested he gave me the £70 cash for rent and I will pay the landlord online which he did. He was staying at ours that evening to spend time with my daughter as we were going out. When we got home my husband tried to talk to him about setting up a direct debit for his rent as he does not agree that my son gives us the cash and we pay it. He feels my son should take full responsibility for it. My son lost his temper and said he didn't want to talk about it. He also demanded the £70 back and went out to the pub slamming the door. I told him on the way out that we were not having this behaviour in our home and he could not stay. We went out and left his bags round the side gate. We got calls at 1am and 2am - probably wanting to come back, we ignored.
I got into an argument yesterday on the phone about him not going in to work and he says he was applying for jobs. I see no signs of this. In fact I have applied for about 6 jobs on his behalf. He told me he had paid his rent. I have also seen a message last night from his landlord asking for the rent. I can also see on his emails he has been increasing a bank overdraft but will still not have enough to pay it. So it seems he spent the whole £200 on Saturday night and now has a £450 debt on his bank account. I can see he bought weed on Saturday night.
So, today I sit here tired with worry, teary and in despair. He now has no job, no money and has not paid to keep a roof over this head. My husband sent him a long message last night telling him we were back ing off again until he sorted his life out. He has told me I should take all his washing back and his suit (which I clean every week) and put £5 in his pocket for him to get himself to court tomorrow and sort out his own life out as I am not to help him.
My question is this: Should I take him to court tomorrow as I originally promised or is it time to let him sort himself out again. I want to because that way I ensure he goes. I am so worried that he will be back where he started and he seemed to be doing so well. I want to stop this slippery slope before it gets unmanageable but my instinct says I must not. It feels like loving him is conditional, like we are sending the message to him that we will be in his life and love him if he does what we want, and that doesn't feel fair. Shouldn't be love him and be here for him whatever he is? Are we not damaging him emotionally by continually withdrawing our support every time he messes up? It all feels so confusing. Thank you xx