First NarAnon Meeting

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Ca Mom Losing Hope, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. It was well over due. I have had it setup as a recurring event on Monday evenings for the last six weeks. Each time something positive happens, I think it is all ok, and it will work itself out. I don't have time for meetings.

    It has now been about three years since I first posted to this site. And by that time we had been struggling to help him and / or understand what was happening, for months, maybe even a couple of years. It all becomes a blur after a while.

    The meeting was good. I was scared. Of what?, I don't know. I cried silently as they read the serenity prayer, the 12 steps and the other literature supporting the program and our recovery. I received many words of kindness assuring me they babe all been in my shoes. This was a new phrase for me. My Recovery!

    Every story that was told, had similar pieces to my own story. All the eyes around the room had that same look of pain. Even those who's child or family member was on the path to recovery. The eyes spoke words and feelings we all know. Tomorrow could be a totally different story. Each day of recovery with an addict is just that, a new day. Could be good, but could be really bad too.

    I will go back. I promise this to myself.

    The last few months have been positive in that for the first time, he has gone to recovery homes and sober homes. The first was court ordered. He left, they let him back in, he left again. They refused to let him back in. He then got himself into the salvation army program, he left again. Of course through this whole time, which spanned about 5 or 6 weeks, I was running around trying to make sure it all worked. I had hope. (I really don't like that word) Clothes food, soaps, a phone, encouraging words, everything he NEEDED. Getting him back to detox, and back into the program, etc. I am exhausted. There were some very lovely sober moments that I had with my son. I am trying to hold onto those. But it is all gone now.

    He chose homelessness with access to his "friends" and vices, over a bed, food, warmth, a dresser, counseling, a path to a job, his family and people that will help in his recovery. I wouldn't of believed it, had I not seen it with my own eyes.

    Hence, I went to my first meeting. Baby steps
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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    I am so glad you went. Keep coming back. I hope that is what you heard from the group as you left last night. I encourage you to keep going back.

    The programs works if you work it. This I promise you.

    The first time I went for 18 months over my husband's alcoholism I kind of worked it. But not really. I wasn't ready.

    Once we separated, I didn't go back. I didn't need that program because my "problem" was solved.

    Then, when my precious son went "over the cliff," I went back. I went running back. I was completely without resources at that point, and during my 18 months there, I heard things that i remembered. I knew that was where I needed to be, and I humbled myself and got really honest, and realized how much work needed to be done on me.

    I credit Al-Anon with the better person I am today, and I am so very grateful for that program.

    I encourage you to stay the course. You will find joy, serenity, peace, contentment, a new way of living...if you will keep on going. No matter what.

    There is peace ahead.
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  3. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi CA.
    I could have written this, word for word.
    Our son also chose this. So hard to fathom. Now we see that many times when he seemed to be complying, he was "going along with the show" just to keep us involved enough to string along. Due to our son's mental issues it was harder to detach for us. We just didn't know what he was capable of in the way of supporting himself. He went through vocational rehab twice (they were wonderfully helpful) only to not get up to go to interviews or quit showing up for appointments.
    Despite his deficits (we all have some, don't we?), he knows right from wrong. He has chosen a different path so there must be a benefit I can't see....
    Is it more fun to party all night? or sleep till 2pm? To me this is not a good trade for insecurity of not having housing, food, gas. But that's "to me".
    I am glad you went to the meeting, as they say..go back. We found love and strength there.
    This makes me cry for you, for us all.
    Hold tight. Prayers.
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  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    CA Mom
    Welcome and so glad you found a way to get some peace for YOU.
    Most of us here on the same path but all at a different place.
    We take it day by day and make mistakes along the way knowing how and when to support our addicted adult children.
    Only hoping in the end they find their way and can live the life they are meant to live so we can life our own life.

    Keep posting. We get it.

  5. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I'm proud you went. Our mtg was tonight...we have yet to go. I struggle with going. It was a bad day...but they come and go.

    Hugs..good for you! We all hear you...those good moments I hang on too.
  6. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    So ready to live, yep, your story and mine very similar. It was harder to detach because son has a lower IQ and took time to figure out what he was able to do on own and what help he would need. Many years of failures, 16 in fact. But finally, he has settled down and lives a different life, a life without all the chaos and drama. He has a Pastor mentor, landlord and lives in an adult group home.
  7. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    My son tried the Salvation army program as well- left after one day. I am glad you are going to support group and on the path of recovery from all the chaos. They don't realize the toll it takes on us mentally, emotionally and physically.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think they care about us when in the throes of addiction. If they did, they'd stop or at least apoligize. The illness seems to steal empathy sadly.
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  9. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Ca Mom, I could have written this as well. I am glad you are going to meetings. I agree with COM, it truly has helped me be more at peace.
  10. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    lol, I actually was disoriented for a moment while reading your post..I was like 'did I write this? Am I somehow reading an old post of mine?'
    It has always surprised me how similar these children of ours can be. My favorite similarity is how they all lose their identification over and over..some one suggested once that they sell it, which is not a bad thought.
    My least favorite similarity is when they turn their faces away from us, from help, from court ordered support, and chose their drugs and icky friends and ucky street lives.
    I understand your story. I am glad you are here, and at the 12 step.
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  11. Me too. I cherish those moments because they allow me to continue believing he can come or of this. My boy is still in there.
  12. I know how hard it is. I almost turned around when I couldn't immediately found the place. Go when you are ready