getting ready to

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 18, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    call 911- I'm just taking a few mins to prepare myself. I called PO and told her I was going to call and try to get difficult child in psychiatric hospital but that I had to get cops here and to agree to transport him. I told her that I'd asked school to intervene and refer us for help and that they wanted to have iep in Jan instead. PO said she was very concerned (I told her about the cutting and some things difficult child had said) She said well, he hasn't broken the law- I might have forgotten to tell her that I don't exactly know where he is right now. Anyway, she is backing me up on making this call, at least.

    Please wish me luck...
  2. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    Good Luck. (((HUGS)))
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    :sad: I just called. The officer on the phone took it pretty serious. More serious than they ever had before. Maybe that training that NAMI recently gave them helped. I started the conversation by saying that he's an unstable bipolar kid who's been cutting and has been hospitalized before for suicidal tendencies.

    She said they are on the way. She took the name and phone number of the other boy that I think he's probably with. I am going to tell them that I do not think I can keep him safe at home.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Good luck!! Hope they find him quickly and things go relatively smoothly.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He came home while they were here- they were almost finished with their report and I was getting photos to give them. Anyway, they started with the typical lecture that they always give the kid right before they leave but I told them I was afraid that I cannot keep him safe from himself. So, they are taking him to mental health and mental health will tdo him so from there, he will go to er and be admitted in psychiatric hospital. I'm getting ready to leave to spend the night sitting in those wonderful plastic chairs. This time- I am going to demand that things are put in place and I have supports before this kid comes home.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    klmno, you are truly a warrior mom. I'll be holding a positive thought for you and difficult child. Please update us when you can. Hugs.
  7. klmno,

    you did the right thing. I agree with sw you are truly a warrior mom!

    Good luck, take some deep breaths. Big hugs

  8. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Wow, KLMNO, you did an amazing job! Please let us know what's happening when you can. You sound very determined, I'm proud of you.
  9. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I'm glad you made this step and I'm impressed with the police that took your call. I hope your son gets all the help he needs to become stable and productive in a positive manner. I think you are very wise to insist on services being in place before he leaves. Be sure to let us all know how things go.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Major hugs to you, and a nice soft cushy pillow for your tushy tonight in those ergonomically-challenged chairs :D I SO hope that difficult child gets the supports he needs and that you can have some peace of mind when he's finally discharged.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member


    you are a "warrior mom" you did the right thing. I'm sending you hugs and letting you know i'm here as well.

  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks so much everyone. I don't feel very good though. I wish I could have gotten out-patient intervention. difficult child is still over at the crisis center being watched by cops while paperwork is being done. Then, they have to wait for sheriff's to come and transport him. They don't need a hearing because he's a minor and I'm willing to sign him in once they get him there. He'll go back to same psychiatric hospital he's always gone to, it looks like. (FYI- beds are typically open mid-week :) ) Anyway, I asked if I should go ahead and come home to get his clothes together so I could take them to psychiatric hospital and not have to come back home to get them- psychiatric hospital is about a 30 min drive for me.

    Really, I came home because I was about to go into tears. My heart is broken. difficult child is saying he feels this way and is doing these things because he hates his home. I know part of it is lashing out but part of it is truly because our homelife hoovers right now. We're living with the holes in the walls (which Star told me how to fix- I had wanted to start around Christmas), but still, we've been living with them a while, we have no money- you know a lot of this- ok all, pretty much- is due to difficult child's legal and mental health issues, but I don't tell him that but it still doesn't make it easier or more comfrotable. Then, it keeps getting worse because I can't get to work when he can't get to school.

    On top of that, the counselor over there told me the school could have and should have done something before it got to this point. He said they had more options than just the county team and didn't they ever discuss any of that with me? NO! And I even asked the principal if there were any other options that she knew of. The guy also told me that there was more than enough reason to have difficult child in a psychiatric hospital right now.

    Then, the guy proceeds to tell me that if difficult child was on a chins (child in need of services), we could get the help we needed. Really? My son is already on a chins. GAL only offered 2 things- I could sign over custody of my son- NO GO. Then she recommended MST. PO said MST was only option for help. What do I find out tonight? Either of these people could have gotten more services for us at any time and it would have been easy because difficult child was already on a chins.

    He also said that they (county mental health ) could be providing the mental health part- I did jump in on that and said NO- it's ok- I'm already getting that provided for him.

    I just want to cry. So, I guess I can get an advocate to hold the principal's feet to the fire from now on about school services/iep accommodations. But, who and how do I get to hold the PO's feet to the fire? If the defense attny had known these services were that easy to get under those circumstances, we could have asked judge for them and maybe she would have granted that and ordered them.

    Well, difficult child is an anxiety ridden basket case right now- sitting over there saying how much he hates home and that he knew he was going to end up back at psychiatric hospital. But to think that it didn't have to get to this point and I had access to services but the people in the safety net blocked them or never let on that I had that access.....The problem is I don't have direct access- I have to get the referrals from these people who don't even mention the opportunity for these services, much less refer them for us.

    Geez....I'm speechless now. Ok one more thought LOL! Right now, in my emotional state of mind, I think ideally difficult child should stay some place safe and well-structured for a few mos while I get this house and personal finances in order then I should put the house on the market, he should come home, and we should move out of this county quickly. I had thoughts like this last year, but now I am convinced. These people here are not even trying to work for the best interest of the child. They want to hold our feet to the fire- but look at how they turned their backs to providing help when he has qualified for it since being put on a chins 18 mos ago and not one single person has mentioned one option to me other than signing custody over to social services- who said they had to look at giving custody to another family member first- or this MST guy who wanted to take over difficult child's mental health treatment plan (ie- treatment for bipolar) and his iep and put difficult child and myself on a behavioral contract. And I had no faith in that guy- he was rude and arrogant and was not consistent with what he told me. That's it- ARGHHH....
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2008
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh I am just so impressed by your strength. I am so sad that it came to this point,
    don't stop now though, you are doing great and you are doing right by this kid. Don't let them push you around or make you think you do not deserve better mental health care. You do regardless of you economic status education or diagnosis...

    Sending much love and strength to you both
  14. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm here, holding your hand, do you feel me. If you begin to lose strength, just reach out. We're all here. You will get through this. Hugs.....and prayers that this time you and difficult child get what you need.
  15. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and prayers that this time he'll get the help he needs. Hugs, prayers, and strength for you...I'll be standing right behind you.
  16. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    klmno, you're doing the right thing -- getting your difficult child the help he needs in spite of all the obstacles people in positions of authority who presumably should have been helping you have thrown in your way. When things settle down, a letter detailing the facts about all you have gone through should be written to the Superintendent of Schools and to the judge with a copy to whomever supervises the POs. I think you can make an easy case for needing a new PO. This one is a twit, for sure. But we've known that for a while, haven't we?

    We're here for you whenever you need us. Just let us know how we can help. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww Klmno,
    I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. How frustrating to find out there should have been services available. You are one amazing warrior mom lady! We're here, standing with you. You have definitely done the right thing, hard as it is. Gentle hugs.
  18. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a horrible day/evening. It is so hard when they are hurting themselves. Calling the police for transport was exactly what he needed.

    When you can, go to the person who told you that services should have been offered by PO, principal, whomever. Get him to write down what he said, or at least sign a summary you prepare of what he said (print it off from here to make it easy?). Then write down ALL you have gone through, all the times you BEGGED for help and these people failed difficult child and you.

    Send a copy of this, with the signed summary, to the Superintendent of Schools, the Judge, Whoever is the head of probation (I will help you find this if you want - just PM me). Then DEMAND the services and tell these people that you will go to the media, and you will sue for whatever you can. At the very least the psychiatrist who is rxing medications should know these things.

    I am so sorry he needs this. I am sitting there with you on those horrible plastic chairs, ready to give a hug or hold your hand. I came with puzzle books, books on CD for you to listen to, and anything else to make this easier (including cushions for those chairs!)
  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You are doing it are an awesome warrior mom that is breaking the trail into uncharted territory. Keep fighting the good fight. It will all come together. Few individuals have all the answers, but as long as you are seeking and pulling all the resources together for yourself, YOU will have the answers.

    Prayers being sent your way. This will work out.
  20. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm so sorry. You're doing the right thing.

    The judge is the one to hold the PO's feet to the fire. Actually, I hope she sticks them in the fire.