God Help ME! :(

[Tiapet]

So Ms Emo is involved in a pretty big mess at this moment, although I'm pretty sure nothing is going to happen to her it seems.

She has this friend from online that lives quite a few states away. Another difficult child who lives in a very dysfunctional family (to say the least). This child has been searching for ways to get away from her home for some time now and unfortunately keeps having relationships, serious ones quickly, in hopes that is the way (her thinking anyway).

So tonight my difficult child gets a call about an hour ago. Turns out is was a deputy looking for information about this girl and her boyfriend and if my daughter knew anything about their where abouts. My difficult child says no (and she really doesn't) but what she failed to tell HIM at the time is she knew what she was planning!

Next thing she gets is a text from the boyfriend's cell. She replied to it all freaking out asking about her friend and what the ****** is going on yada yada. Turns out it wasn't her boyfriend but his mother!

You see this girl had told my difficult child on Tuesday she was packing and was going to leave with this guy. That she was wiping out everything so no one knew anything and she wouldn't tell my difficult child where she was going so she couldn't get in trouble. The only thing she did tell mine is that the marriage laws looked good this way (our state). I have since checked them and all the states in a big circle from the girls state around and even the boyfriend ex state he lived in. No where can they get married without parental consent as she is 16 and he is 19. What they heck were they thinking?

Anyway, the boyfriend's mom continued to text back and forth with my difficult child as she relayed all the information she knew now about the situation. The mom said she understands that they want to be together and that she just wants to make sure they are all alright and get the girl back home (of course). That they want it taken care of before it's too late because the boyfriend is looking at facing 20 years for this now! (I'm assuming kidnapping and crossing state lines would be the reason)

Dear God! What was my difficult child thinking? I told her in no uncertain terms that she knew this was above her head long before this as the girl was struggling and she should have come to me. She would tell me pieces of things but refused to tell me so much out of loyalty.

I told her I hope that this has taught her a very very big lesson now. She can't do these things, loyalty or not that sometimes things need to be handled or discussed with adults with more experience. I just hope there is no trouble she can get in. She didn't do anything in this, honestly, and gave up all she knows (which isn't much). She was WRONG to not tell it all to deputy at first that is for sure (the bit about them leaving on Tuesday).

I know difficult child is very worried herself as the girl said they'd have the boyfriend's cell phone and she'd call the next day or so (that was Tuesday) and she hasn't at all. The girl doesn't have her own cell. You have to realize that this girl talks to my difficult child daily, constantly so this is WAAAAAY out of character.

HECK I"M WORRIED FOR GIRL AND MINE!!! She only knew this guy she took off with for about a week or so, so I'm told and she is supposedly soooo inlove with him (she falls for every huy like this) and she wants to marry him? Thankfully he wasn't met online but he was met at some band/concert thing (still don't know all and will keep plugging away for details).


HELP!

 

[Andy]

So scary - I hope your daughter gets a call soon. Why would boyfriend leave without his cell phone? Maybe it was a family cell phone that he doesn't always get use of.

That girl's mom must be frantic - sounds like the boyfriend's mom is actively looking.

What an unsafe world for our young girls who think they are invincible. I have one of those myself and what she wants to do is worse each year because she believes she can safely handle anything.

 

[witzend]

Well, it seems likely that they will run out of resources within a week or so. How scary that she would just run off with this guy, wherever she met him! I would be very suspicious about his age. Either of them might lie about his being 19 if he was older just to make it less than three years age difference. When there is more than three years in difference, the penalties increase greatly.

I hope that girl is ok, and I also hope that difficult child gets an idea of how many other awful things could happen in this situation! Anything from her getting knocked up and living like his live-in maid to her ending up in a ditch and no one ever hearing from her again, and of course, anything in between. Whatever it will be, difficult child needs to know that it's not going to be marriage and a picket fence! I shudder to think of what might be!

 

[Tiapet]

So difficult child is having an emotional melt down now.

The boy is 19 he is from another state then the girl. I can't figure out how the mom had the cell phone though but apparently he went back home after this concert and then came back for her friend? (still can't figure this out) He comes from a family of money and was going to get into his savings account and would need his mother's signature to do so. I don't know if she actually did or not sign for anything but supposedly they have money. They must if they have been gone now for 4 days.

difficult child is mad at me, doesn't want me to ask anymore questions, is upset and scared but not reacting well to any of this. Her current boyfriend is giving her heck (yes at this hour) and looks like he might break up but at the same time her ex is also harrassing her unmercifully (and has been now for a week in a very nasty way and I wish I can intervene because what he is doing is truly ugly and needs to stop). She is spiraling quickly to the drama of "I just wanna die" type statements. Normally it's just statements but I am always leary of what will ever push her over. I'm wide awake and can't sleep because this is pretty heavy stuff.

I just checked on line and there is no amber alert for the girl either.

She wants nothing more then to be pregnant witz so if that happens she'd be happy. If she was a live in maid she wouldn't care either. To her it's better then her home life. Apparently her mother is a pot head who lives with her grandfather who is like a major gustopo and won't let her do anything (seriously tight reins). The girl has some serious issues. Her bio dad lives way north and she doesn't get along with him. In fact she has been forced in the past to visit with him and it's been bad. She won't go therapy because she's against it (I believe because she thinks it won't work given her home environment).

She talks with my difficult child who tries to help her as much as possible but it's a pretty heavy load for a young girl. This girl thinks nothing of drinking and sex (as an escape I know for sure as I've read IM conversations).

Now I need to stop worrying so much about the other and focus on mine because she's really having a hard time and she was beginning to do slightly better.

Thanks for the thoughts.


Coming back on to add....this is not going well. Current boyfriend just broke up with her. Sent her way over edge. She is in hysterics crying, been for an hour now. She came downstairs and handed me a bottle of pills. It was her pain pills from when she recently had teeth pulled (had 11 in was 20 but I know she had legitamately taken some previously when she needed them). I quickly asked her did you take these? She said no, that's why I'm giving them to you so I don't. (she's previously taken pills for other reasons and such. I now control all pills in house) She also handed me a little knife that she had been keeping as she had been cutting herself a while ago (didn't think she'd done it since but apparently maybe so). I am hurting for her. I know this should pass but sometimes have that fear. I also know that she knows I will put her inpatient even though she says you do that it would be the worst thing.

Back again, I see she did do tiny bit of cutting on her leg in same spot she had before and once on her hand (is this new spot?). We have just now talked about some things, she is much calmer. In fact she got on the phone and is talking to her BFF from CA that she's known since she was very little. They will talk for some time and BFF will tell her what a jerk the guys are and such and tell her to straighten out her *** (all the usually BFF stuff that we know a good one does and should do).

For now crisis averted and I think I've gotten her to think, yet again, about life and direction/path/choices/focus'. She is so darn smart and has a plan for her future. She knows what she wants out of it and how she has to go about it to get it. I just wish, WISH she could get over this desperate feeling that life is pointless too (as in we're all going to die in the end anyway). How can she think so duely? (is that even a word?)

Too much happened tonight to quick, she was scared, mad, angry, upset all at once and then crash her system because at 16 didn't know how to handle it all at once. I will say it was a little overwhelming to me and I'm an adult.

If a mod thinks this needs to move forums, please do so.

 

[Hound dog]

OMG! Do you have high drama going on over there!!

I'd be worried sick too. I sure hope this girl is found safe and sound. Sounds like she's got a bad case of the "grass is greener" going on.

Glad difficult child calmed down. Can't really blame her for being so emotional. It's been one heck of a night for her. (hopefully one she won't soon forget when it comes to friends in dangerous situations) Still, I'm proud of her for bringing you both the little knife and the pills. Even in emotional turmoil she had the presence of mind to get temptation away from her.

Gosh! The messes our kids can get into. ugh

(((hugs)))

 

[Wiped Out]

Tia,
I'm so sorry you have all this going on. It is a very difficult situation. Hugs and prayers for everyone involved.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Just when you think things are going along okay, something happens to derail the smooth rolling train.......giving up temptations was an excellent start for her and kudos to you for teaching her she can come to you and friends to talk about her feelings........thinking of your family as you try to work thru all the events that could cause so much pain........

 

[Star*]

Danged if you do and danged if you don't situation huh?

Unfortunately - regarding the friend that ran away? There is nothing you can do. The fact that something could happen to your daughter friend? Very real now. And perhaps out of this your daughter has realized SOME people do have lives worse than theirs.
Gpa is a dictator, mom is a dope head. Nice.....very nice.
But it goes a long way to telling your kid on some level - YOUR LIFE IS NOT SO BAD.


As far as boyfriend breaking up with her? Nice timing dude. Way to go on the feelings homefront - putz.

As far as her bringing the pills and knife to you? Is that drama or reaching out or is this how she's dealing with her crisis - which - really is NOT her crisis. The crisis belongs to her friend but at 16 it is hard to tell a girl anything. At all.

The thing too - that kids think they wipe their computers out? Nope - they can swipe them, but stuff stays. If they wanted to get this information at the police they could. It's a matter of will they. It's all still in there.

I'm sorry you have to go through any of it Tia - I'm glad for now she had BFF and is safe. Sending good vibes that THIS is a lesson or two she won't forget.

Hugs
Star