You may recall that mother in law arrived at my house last Friday. She left this Wednesday. We had the service on LI on last Saturday. The service went very well. mother in law was being very nice and initially I thought, "Hmmm, maybe without father in law around she's come out of her weird shell", but alas, it only lasted on Monday. Why Monday? Because on Monday she and my H had the conversation [I've been dreading] about her moving to CT from FL. Without me, without my input. On Sunday, the day before, in front of me she said, "When you people finish this addition, I can rent a room from you!" in her demanding booming Aspie voice, to which H responded in his equally clueless Aspie-way, "Sure!". I almost died on the spot. I gave H 'the look' and later said to him that he cannot make any decisions without me, he blew me off. So, after they had their conversation, without me, she got it in her head that she was going to be selling her house in FL and moving in with us and I noticed her demeanor changed. That was my first tip off. I just KNEW. My GUT was telling me there was a shift and that it happened on Monday while she and H were driving to the financial guys office in NY. When I questioned H, he wouldn't make eye contact and tried to blow it off as me being emotional. The next day, I emailed his sister and mentioned in passing that mother in law had said she wanted to sell her house and sure enough, sister in law came back and confirmed that mother in law thinks she's moving in with us. NOT HAPPENING. I needed to process this after venting all over the place, namely with my therapist, before speaking with H. Get my thoughts together, find the perfect words and order in which to use them, etc. I spoke with him last night, I showed him the first of three brochures I sent away for Independent/Assisted living places in the valley here. He was appalled, I thought he was going to cry, I know he was angry with me. But.... Using my counselor voice (that is my career of choice and what I'm going to school for) I focused on the clients (in this case, H and his Mom): what are they feeling, what are their needs, what assurances do they need, start with step one of the plan. Done. I echoed his need to care for his mom and his feelings of helplessness. I echoed her feelings of loss, loneliness, helplessness and sadness. Assured him that I would help him find a place just as wonderful as I did for my own mother (mother in law's needs are no where nears as severe as my moms, however), that I understand exactly how he's feeling. Blah blah blah. Within 30 minutes I was able to help H see things with his mom differently. She needs socialization, she needs stimulation from her peers, she needs activities, both scheduled and unscheduled, etc. Can you believe at one point, almost in a pleading voice, he said to me, "If we take the money from the sale of my mom's house and we sell our house, maybe we can buy a bigger house with a mother in law apartment in it" and then just looked at me. If there was a bubble above his head it would read, "Please, pretty please, can we, huh, can we???" I said very softly, "Hon, I understand how you feel, but we cannot disrupt our entire lives, sell our house, all we've worked for to accomodate your mom moving here for what only last about a year before we inevitably need to move her into a facility anyway." He blinked and said, "That's true". So, without tears, screaming and yelling, I've accomplished Step One. Step Two is telling his mother - bursting her bubble. THAT may bemore than H can handle I may have to be the one to tell her and I don't care if I come across as the stone cold hearted woman she's always thought I was anyway! Hahahaha. So, can I get a High Five? Yay!