Had to detach from BFF

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by TweetyD, Oct 14, 2017.

  1. TweetyD

    TweetyD New Member

    My BFF, after all she said about letting S***** stay in jail if/when she was arrested for an outstanding warrant, went to bail S***** out AGAIN. I've worried so much about my BFF, cried with her, listened to her endless complaints.......well, now that she sees fit to allow S***** to continue with her behavior I can't deal with it anymore. She says one thing, does another as soon as S***** calls and turns on the tears. S***** is 48 years old, has been in "trouble" for more than half her life......but mom keeps saying "S***** is really a good person".......and the constant refrain of "but she's my daughter". This is the daughter who is on drugs, stole OVER $10,000 and numerous other things that were either pawned or sold on the street. And, dear mom, refuses to file a complaint as "S***** made me promise to never make her go to jail". Am I wrong to detach? Do I let my friend know???
     
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Just be unavailable, if she calls, make it short and wish her well.

    Or, honestly say that being involved with her daughters drama is too much for you to handle. And change the subject when she starts a sob story... Ksm
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No. You dont have to be involved with her. Sometimes their problems start to affect us and first and foremost our own mental health matters. Everyone is different. I would not have the patience to be asked over and over again for advice that is disregarded. I would want to be with happier people. Your friend is not your responsibility. She will likely feel sorry for 48 year old daughter forever.

    You can let her calls and texts go unanswered and maybe tell her the truth if she asks why and expect tears and drama due to your answer. Her tears dont mean you are wrong.

    Take care!
     
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  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am sure she is unable to detach and stop enabling. This is very hard.

    Does she seek help and support for herself or go to meetings? It can help.

    You can listen and empathize perhaps even sympathize. If it is the whole focus of her interaction with you that is not a healthy friendship.

    Not any easy situation.
     
  5. TweetyD

    TweetyD New Member

    Thank you all for your advice. She does see a counselor, but simply says "I'm going to do what I want to do anyhow". She is totally blind when it comes to S*****, might be at the cost of her marriage and also our friendship. I am not going to send her anymore "support" cards, I'm done worrying for her, crying for/with her. Just a few days ago she said it's been a long time since we've seen each other........well, maybe that's because the last time the four of us went out she was near tears the whole time. I've spent far too much mental/emotional energy on her.......time for a break. Again, thank you all.
     
  6. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Tweety, I had to let my BFF go after my husband died. She went through a period where she was hallucinating. I tried to talk to her and get her to see her psychiatrist. She wouldn't listen. It was so eerily similar to what I went through with Lloyd, that I had to withdraw from her life. I couldn't find the words to describe how I felt without hurting her more. I still miss her, but it is better for me to be away from all the drama.

    I understand, and I'm sorry.
     
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