peg2,
I like Barbara have and keep the Serenity Prayer right here, in a medalion on my computer. I read it often, and it's words are a great comfort for just being words. I have lots of other prayers I say more personal, more needy, but this one just seems to give me peace and enlightment.
Oddly enough? I have a small box full of cards too. Birthday, Christmas, I filled them out, wrote in them -and sealed them. When I did know where my son was I considered sending them. They're still here. I think the words were for that time, and will probably just stay in that time. As far as a place setting? Well, for me /us? That has to be the hardest because of loosing children. So I wasn't quite able to go that route, but I think it's a lovely idea. Actually? I think however you can cope without allowing yourself to be consumed with guilt is a good thing. Realizing, and truly believing that you did the best you could and being okay with the fact that you have a child who has a mental illness and there is nothing you could have done different, better, more, no matter what the thing in the back of your mind says - is the way to stay sane. No one knows for sure what the other has had to endure. So comparing yourself to someone else who seems strong and able? Isnt' really fair. To say "I wish I were as strong as you." You would have to have lived their life, had their complete list of struggles, and survived everything they did to be as strong as they are - Since you are you? You really can't keep sizing yourself up to anyone except yourself, and then? You have to say "I really am the strongest person for this job, look what I've accomplished, no one else could have done this job like I did." Because no one else was you.
I'm hoping you understand what I'm telling you. To have a son that you haven't seen in over a year, had endured his madness, gotten a restraining order, worried about him, missed him on all holidays and wonder about him still? That's being awfully tough on yourself. Instead, know that you have a son who has problems, there is help for him, but he has to come to the realization that you were right and were trying to help him but he has to want the help, he's pushed his family so far that they had to take legal measures so that should have told him something about where he really is in needing help and go for it -yet still refuses, and could have gone home anytime to see his family but he has got to get himself help - he could do and change all these things but it's a choice he needs to make for himself. keep telling yourself that - It's HIS choice. He could make it very easy on everyone, and chooses not to - not because he can't - because he doesn't. There is always hope. I know there is. My son is 21 and we finally have a relationship I thought we would never have but we hardly spoke for years - when we did? It really wasn't nice.
Sending you hugs & Love
Star