He has finally agreed to see our dr


Active Member
Son, 21, has been spiralling downward since Xmas. He is in two courses, but has been sick and missing classes again. We got him to admit today that he is still depressed. He also admitted to still owing his drug dealer 1200. He said he could drop the courses and pay it off. We said no.

We don't want him to quit school IF he still wants to be there. There is money he could get back from first term if he proves to the university that he was suffering from depression first term. We are trying to get him to do that.

He has also agreed to finally see our doctor about anti depressants.

I am trying not to get too into it with him.... Give him space to figure it out.

Just wanted to put it out there. Send me some good thoughts.... Have to get some sleep so I can function in my job.


Well-Known Member
Is he going to use college money for drug dealer????
Totally up to you but I sure wouldnt do it. Im wondering if the depression is really drugs. Be careful and hugs plus for your hurting heart.

pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
Collen, it's a step in the right direction. I guess the problem is that drug and alcohol use will only make depression worse. What is his mindset on the escapism behaviors? Remind him that anti-depressants don't really fix depression. They're a good tool, but the person with the depression has to work on changing that negative thinking. I realize I'm preaching to the choir. You know what to say to him. I hope he is in a mental place where he can hear all your good advice.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

Good luck to you. I'm in the same boat with my son who is 20 and takes 2 classes. He suffers from anxiety and depression and has self medicated on and off for years. He is now seeing a psychologist for "talk therapy" which he is doing because he says we force him but I don't care. He's only been once so far but it's a start. He has been on Effexor for a while and says it helps but obviously does nothing if he smokes weed, drinks and takes a pill.

I had tried to get him into rehab after his last "episode" with substance abuse but he doesn't want to miss school (has 2 classes and doing well) and that's his only positive so like you, we let him continue and hope he turns it around. It's been five years for us of on and off good/bad behavior and it's exhausting I know. He is back to his old self now but thought we were way past this stuff.



Active Member
As a guidance counsellor I get that anti depressants are not the answer for everyone, and he is fully aware that drinking or doing drugs will make it worse.

Our hope is that this is a turn towards accepting some help. He has thought he could fight the anxiety and depression by will power alone. As someone who has their own demons with both, I know how hard this is.

I am hopeful he finds his way. I get o can't force him, or guilt him. I have tried both... They don't work.

I am taking it a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time.

He paid for his own first term, so if he gets money back its his, and I would like to see him pay off his drug debt. I don't want to bail him out. I think he needs to do that. It's causing him anxiety knowing its there, and of course we fear he will go back to dealing to pay it off, so it's tempting to just pay it. But I know it's better for him to do it himself, with his own money.

I am trying .... I feel oh so sad for my sweet boy. He is so smart and so kind and to see him hurting is heartbreaking.

I hope all of you have some comfort in this hell. I know I appreciate all your kind words and support. I come here when I came sleep or I'm sad and just need to read read read....

Thank you.... Hugs xoxo