Here we go...difficult child secretly dropped at least 1 class

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Signorina, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    We've been bugging him to see his grades. He asked to use the car today, I asked to see his grades. He pulled up his student account to show me that just one class has been posted and the others are missing. I made him swear to me that he was being straight with me. He promised more than once that he was telling the truth, to the point where I felt bad for pressing so hard. Sheesh

    He did not log out of his student account (using my computer)

    I did some poking around and he dropped his math class but I can't tell when. I wonder if he did it in the refund period and if so - what he did with the refund. He has a B- in Bio (completed) and his Chem class info is blank so it could be anything.

    H texted him to turn around and come home - about 2 minutes after he left. It's been 30 minutes and he is not returning texts or calls.

    Bracing for the roller coaster drop.
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I think it is a shame that the people paying for the kids education no longer have the right to be informed about classes and things like that.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh boy Sig I was hoping those games were over. If he is only taking two classes he is not classified as a full time student is he? I'll be interested to hear what his explanation is and why he isn't answering his phone. Brings back many awful memories for me.
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    So sorry for the drama around the holidays. Stay strong!
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Still no word and I feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to jump to conclusions and yet he doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt. He dropped a class and lied repeatedly about it, that tells me who he is... Does he have it in him to take the refund for himself? Sure. He's pulled a stunt like that before.

    2 years later and I thought everything had changed, I just didn't know to what degree. Instead, nothing has changed and I'm back here in tears,posting here a week before Christmas knowing that my son played me except this time I must add "AGAIN."

    I don't care if school isn't for him. I don't care if he wants to dig ditches forever. I don't care if he wants to slack. It's the lying - to my face- the posturing, pretending and faking it all that cuts me to the quick. He will be 22 soon. He's learned NOTHING. This is no longer simple immaturity. I feel likes he's lost to us; like I never really knew him at all. I tried so hard to give him another chance with an open heart, to have faith in him.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry, Sig. Dropping a math class is not uncommon. . . but you are right . . . the more important issue here is the lying and stealing (if he kept the refund that was rightfully yours).

    It sounds like druggie behavior. Are you sure he is clean and sober?

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I sure also wish for the best. If not, maybe he is using drugs again? If he drops out of college now that doesn't mean he won't decide to go back later. I understand how betrayed you feel when lied to. I felt the same. Hugs!!!
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I'm pretty sure he is not sober but also was fairly sure he wasn't abusing anything. I'm not trying to be in denial but I think the money flowing through his fingers is more about bars, cover charges, lift tickets, gas, eating out, concert tickets, etc. not to mention the $450 p/m apartment. I know he drinks & assume he is still smoking pot but I haven't seen any indications beyond semi normal 21 year old manchild. And I've looked really closely. I just searched his room, I empty his pockets, smell him, check the car, EVERYTHING. I am crossing my fingers that he dropped the class past the refund period because otherwise I am not sure I can cope. There will be no way to explain that type of duplicity. Lying is one thing,screwing up his own life is his to bear. But stealing? I can't go there. I can't look my baby boy in the eyes and comprehend that he would be that calculating. Living here, eating with us, playing devoted son while conniving like that. I know it happens, I am not going to close my eyes and look away. Be assured I I will hit it head on, but I think it will leave a really big scar on me.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, Sig...I know you had hoped for a different outcome.
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh Sig,
    I hope your son has come home with a Really good explanation.
    Caring thoughts,
  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Still not home, no contact. He has our suburban and it's filled with stuff to take to my moms. We were supposed to go there this morning! I need to go to work from her house (she is on the way to my office about 90 miles from here) and difficult child & h were going to help her around the house all day and then we were bringing her back home with us along with- a bunch of furniture (hence needing the suburban)

    So, no difficult child, no contact, no suburban,and I've been awake since 3:20- my day is shot and it's only 7:30 am. And my mom is coming back w us and staying thru Christmas. PC19 comes home tomorrow. This is not the time to be dealing w amped up difficult child antics! It will be incredibly awkward w my mom around and it's not fair to PC19. Ugh
  12. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    He's home, uncommunicative. He was dropped from his math class for non attendance, he will get an F in his chem class - he's essentially flunked out of community college. I have no idea where we go from here. I'm afraid I am going to lose him , we can't prop him up any further- and I am so afraid of where he will end up. I have to remind myself that we don't have to figure this out today but I have a feeling it will escalate regardless. Please say a prayer for us.
  13. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to read this. I'm in your same boat to large extent, except mine is only 18. He kept telling us over and over that he liked school and he was doing well, but finally came clean that he has failed EVERY class and pretty much never went. He didn't withdraw. I kind of wish he had. He doesn't seem to understand that lying to me is the worst thing he can do. I hate a liar more than anything. You are in my prayers.
  14. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry beyond words, Sig. Bad timing and everything. I have been through this more than once, and it sure hurts. My heart goes out to you.
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish I knew what it was about difficult child's and holidays. It always seems to bring out the worst in them.

    Did you pay for his college classes? I definitely would say he is on his own from now on when it comes to paying for school. That is what we have told our difficult child. Maybe if she paid for them herself she would actually value them.

    Holiday hugs to you.

  16. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sorry you are going through this. Are you sure he was dropped from his class because of non attendance? Years ago, my difficult child didn't attend any classes and he was given a failure. The only way the community college in our area drops you from a class is if you fill out paperwork. Make sure you see the proof that he was dropped by them and not by him filling out paperwork to withdraw. Hugs and positive thoughts being sent your way.
  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He has your suburban filled with gifts and he will not contact you? Now that would infuriate me. I am sorry he is doing this before the holidays, they seem to bring out the worst in our difficult children.

    I'm holding you in my thoughts today Sig, and I am sick for you.
  18. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry I obviously missed your update that he came home.

    My difficult child was going to flunk out of community college also, but I got wind of it and made her withdraw on the very last day possible. We lost all the tuition but at least she didn't have to take F's. Hopefully he can do that and save his future college plans if possible. I'll tell you this though Sig.....I would not pay one more dime for any classes anytie soon. He will have to grow up and prove he's serious before I would ever agree to finance his education again.

    I hope things don't go downhill for the holidays. Sometimes it's better to let it slide and deal with it later.
  19. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thanks guys. H and I talked it out. We're on the same page as the advice given here. We've made our feelings clear to difficult child and we're tabling anymore discussion until after the holidays. And no, not a penny more. That's done.

    H is taking his suburban back and we will let difficult child think we 're selling it and park it at my moms for a few months to avoid any temptation to let him use it. (H loves having a truck and wants to keep it) I think h will march difficult child down to the bursars office to see his account activity but not until after easy child goes back to school.

    We dropped him off at my moms at noon and she put him to work around the house (she has no idea) and took him to the cemetery to visit my dad's grave. I'm hoping he was mighty uncomfortable. I spent 6 hours at work- shooed h to take my brother out to lunch while I was there. My sister in law was just diagnosed w breast cancer and I figured both my bro & h needed some Mano a Mano time.

    I got to my moms at 6 and spent the next 4 hours cleaning and setting the table -china, silver, crystal, the whole shebang- for Christmas dinner. I worked my butt off; her house was a cluttered, messy disaster. Shes always been scattered but she's slipping a lot and it scares me. We packed her into the car and are on the road back home in a freezing rain storm. I'm exhausted and probably at the end of my rope emotionally. difficult child is a primadonna, my mom is a primadonna and it's going to be a long week. She's staying with me so she won't be alone and she will cook Christmas dinner while I shuttle her to the grocery store and clean the kitchen after her and let my own Christmas traditions fall away, just so we can rush out Christmas Day and take all the food back to her house and she can play the grande dame. I know it's absurd but it's the best option of even worse options.

    Remind me to come back as the primadonna in my next life; k?

    Thanks for all your words of support. I'm just going to try to get thru the holidays and let the chips fall where they may w difficult child. His initial screw up at 19 could have been a mistake. But repeating it - act for act- 2-1/2 years later is a choice.
  20. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sig I think you are doing the right thing. Save your sanity and enjoy the holidays. Your difficult child and his problems can wait a week.