Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Well, sometimes dead horses get up. 
Ok, so they don't. This horse wasn't dead. It was hearing you and it was trying, it was just stuck in the muck. And finally has found some footing.
I posted earlier about my mother in law buying easy child 2 a Nintendo DS and telling her to hide it from us. That was the final straw for this camel.
husband had made a deal with me about going there for Thanksgiving and Christmas and he hadn't held up his end of it. We hadn't talked to the in-laws about any of the junk. But after this, I was so angry, I was physically shaking and ill, and apparently husband beleived that his second chance in this deal was over. I told him to make arrangements to see his daughter somewhere else. I called the tutor to cancel. I blocked his ex and his mom from my phone and email. If they were going to treat us like that, he could deal with it alone; I'd expect it from his ex and the options are limited as to what to do there; but if he's not willing to stand up to his mother for himself, his wife, his step-son (who's called him daddy for 4 of the 6 years of his life), and his DAUGHTER, I was done trying to have a positive impact on her at my expense (monetarily, emotionally, time-ly, in every way) - he could go it alone.
He quietly said he did not blame me. Nothing more was said until Tuesday night, when he asked me to go to his folks' house to talk with them. I agreed.
My husband stood up for me.
His father was truly hurt that I felt as I do, I tried to explain it was mostly mother in law who did this. I will clarify with him this weekend when I see him.
But I don't think mother in law got it. She took "don't encourage your granddaughter to lie and don't buy her carp when I say its something she can't have" to mean she can never buy easy child 2 anything. He went over it and over it and finally told her that yes, if the only two options she saw in this were to go against him and hide things or to not buy anything at all, she'd better not be buying anything.
She kept saying I needed to learn to run my own house. husband kept telling her we could - and that's why we were there - to tell them to butt out.
Very early on, when he told her she needed to either treat me the same as everyone else in the family or stop just expecting to use the things I brought to this relationship without asking me directly, she immediately said she would buy her own trailer. It came up later and she didn't jump to that solution, so hopefully, hopefully, something got thru to her.
We also found out that mother in law bought the DS alone. She only wrangled easy child 2's mom and other grandma into it by giving it to easy child 2 in their presence. easy child 2 thinks mom and other grandma were in on it, tho.
BUT - we covered a lot of ground that night. I know we didn't hit it all, but when we left, father in law said they would try harder and he was sorry. mother in law didn't say anything, but she did invite us to dinner last night, which is a night we don't have easy child 2. I went (despite being exhausted) and it was pleasant. I apologized for allowing it to take two full years before coming to a head. And I think mother in law is truly having a hard time grasping how "don't tell your dad" is the same as encouraging easy child 2 to lie. Certainly no excuse, but seriously, I don't think she gets it.
We discussed wee difficult child, also, and some things were said about him that made me pretty angry (basically, he's spoiled - you know the routine). husband stuck up for us both, too. He said there are battles I'm not willing to fight, but that doesn't make difficult child spoiled - it means he has problems and we have to find a balance in order to live. They didn't buy it, but that's nothing new. So long as they are willing to try, so will I.
If you've made it this far, I really was hearing you guys. I really was trying to do what you told me. This muck-stuck horse might be climbing out of the swamp.
Ok, so they don't. This horse wasn't dead. It was hearing you and it was trying, it was just stuck in the muck. And finally has found some footing.
I posted earlier about my mother in law buying easy child 2 a Nintendo DS and telling her to hide it from us. That was the final straw for this camel.
husband had made a deal with me about going there for Thanksgiving and Christmas and he hadn't held up his end of it. We hadn't talked to the in-laws about any of the junk. But after this, I was so angry, I was physically shaking and ill, and apparently husband beleived that his second chance in this deal was over. I told him to make arrangements to see his daughter somewhere else. I called the tutor to cancel. I blocked his ex and his mom from my phone and email. If they were going to treat us like that, he could deal with it alone; I'd expect it from his ex and the options are limited as to what to do there; but if he's not willing to stand up to his mother for himself, his wife, his step-son (who's called him daddy for 4 of the 6 years of his life), and his DAUGHTER, I was done trying to have a positive impact on her at my expense (monetarily, emotionally, time-ly, in every way) - he could go it alone.
He quietly said he did not blame me. Nothing more was said until Tuesday night, when he asked me to go to his folks' house to talk with them. I agreed.
My husband stood up for me.
His father was truly hurt that I felt as I do, I tried to explain it was mostly mother in law who did this. I will clarify with him this weekend when I see him.
But I don't think mother in law got it. She took "don't encourage your granddaughter to lie and don't buy her carp when I say its something she can't have" to mean she can never buy easy child 2 anything. He went over it and over it and finally told her that yes, if the only two options she saw in this were to go against him and hide things or to not buy anything at all, she'd better not be buying anything.
She kept saying I needed to learn to run my own house. husband kept telling her we could - and that's why we were there - to tell them to butt out.
Very early on, when he told her she needed to either treat me the same as everyone else in the family or stop just expecting to use the things I brought to this relationship without asking me directly, she immediately said she would buy her own trailer. It came up later and she didn't jump to that solution, so hopefully, hopefully, something got thru to her.
We also found out that mother in law bought the DS alone. She only wrangled easy child 2's mom and other grandma into it by giving it to easy child 2 in their presence. easy child 2 thinks mom and other grandma were in on it, tho.
BUT - we covered a lot of ground that night. I know we didn't hit it all, but when we left, father in law said they would try harder and he was sorry. mother in law didn't say anything, but she did invite us to dinner last night, which is a night we don't have easy child 2. I went (despite being exhausted) and it was pleasant. I apologized for allowing it to take two full years before coming to a head. And I think mother in law is truly having a hard time grasping how "don't tell your dad" is the same as encouraging easy child 2 to lie. Certainly no excuse, but seriously, I don't think she gets it.
We discussed wee difficult child, also, and some things were said about him that made me pretty angry (basically, he's spoiled - you know the routine). husband stuck up for us both, too. He said there are battles I'm not willing to fight, but that doesn't make difficult child spoiled - it means he has problems and we have to find a balance in order to live. They didn't buy it, but that's nothing new. So long as they are willing to try, so will I.
If you've made it this far, I really was hearing you guys. I really was trying to do what you told me. This muck-stuck horse might be climbing out of the swamp.
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yay for husband. I'm glad he stood up for you. I despise that sort of behind your back behavior like m i l. By telling a child "don't tell your parents", they undermine your authority. I would have been furious too. 
