I think your heart is in the right place.....But From one Mom to another - let him pick his own GaGa....MaMa.
I had a few thoughts rolling around my head, I wanted to share with you before difficult child gets home. Some of it is just flat-out one Mom to another, and may or may not be welcome advice. I'll preface this by saying if I had not been where you are, and if I didn't care? I wouldn't say a word. Keep that in mind.
First of all - I was going to tell you that a teens room is their haven. Even if he's suggested you decorate it for his return I see problems. If it was his suggestion that you do it for him? He's controlling you already. If he didn't? Then you're controlling him. Sounds harsh, but - if he's asking you to fix up his room for his return he's controlling you already. He was where he was for a reason. Just returning to his home to his room, in whatever shape it's in should be more than good enough for him. Later on? If he EARNS the money for posters, decorations, a cool bed spread? THEN take him out and get him those things that he's EARNED. If he works for them and pays for them himself? Even better?
For you to go out and pick and choose what goes on his walls without him asking I think is a two-fold problem, or could be. One? If he doesn't like what you've picked? How does he tell you when he takes it down? That could cause make for an uncomfortable conversation to start. Money spent, down the drain, feelings could get hurt. Secondly? If he didn't ask you to pick these things for him; in a way you're telling him - This is what you will like, you'll like what I tell you to like, in my house, on my walls, I'm in control. Not that it's what you meant. We have to remember that a teenager is just a child we raised who is now a complete stranger in a semi-adult suit thinking they are older than we are who makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Nothing we do is going to be good enough, right enough, smart enough almost all of the time. Then someday when they are in their mid 30's (we hope) we once again become geniuses. For all you know? He may want pictures of Rhiana, Akon, Young Jeezy, 50 Cent, or Death Metal, black lights, and red curtains, or WWF posters, Monster trucks & Race cars, Camouflag and deer heads. If you have teenagers figured out? You had better write a book and make money now. (then share it with us) lol.
What I DO think? I think what's important in this situation is that you recognize that he's not coming home from college, or military camp. He's coming home from jail. What behavior of HIS put himself there to begin with? Did he learn from it? Has he missed his home? Is home good enough? Does it need to be any more special than when he left to make it someplace he
wants to come back to? Has he worked hard to earn the right to be there? Will he continue to do the things he needs to do and keep the behaviors he needs to have to STAY there? With or without the decorations - is that where he wants to be? How badly?
See I know your heart is saying - If I fix it up, and make it special for him, it will show him I love him. Thing is klmno - Home already IS special,you already love him, and just by allowing him to come home, it shows him you love him. Laying down some written rules and consequences would be a real good start to a solid foundation for you both this time around.
If you want to do something nice for him? Lay out the ground rules. As far as the room goes? Let him earn the things - And go from there.
Hope this helps.
Hug & Love
Star
Hugs & Love
Star