OK, maybe this is going to sound a bit harsh, but keep in mind that I have a daughter (step actually) who was sexually assaulted by an adult at ages 11-13.
Your niece's friend did not "make" your niece do anything.
Yes, she could have set up the situation; but niece could have said no.
HOWEVER. The 15-y/o boy COULD have raped her. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like it. STILL, he took advantage of a CHILD.
Your niece is culpable, but - at age 12 - she canNOT make adult choices like that. Not legally. Not with that maturity level. NOT at ALL.
Agreed. I guess we can't say the friend "made her", but she definitely set the situation up, and encouraged her.. pressured her. The girl constantly said "F*** him", "Do him", etc. over, and over about many different boys. Yes, niece could have said no.. but friend should not have put her in that situation where she felt pressured to do anything like that. Yes, the boy is TOO OLD for niece. I truly wonder what the laws are in their state. I will try and find out.
Simply put - your mom MUST crack down. There are inexpensive door/window alarms at Wal-mart, Lowe's, Home Depot. If she's up for diversion with the court? Don't expect it to work... (Hope, don't expect.)
We definitely hope. Hope, hope, hope. We do not believe she sneaks out at night or anything. Mom checks on all three many times each night and she's always there. But, it may come to a point where she starts doing that.
As part of diversion - she does something like vanish again? Cops need to be called. Not the juvenile officer, the regular PD. Document. Petition the court for CHINS (Child in need of services). She keeps the runaway act up, eventually they will do something. It will probably be a slap on the wrist; but she will be in the system (should be, already, with the Diversion). If she has a probation officer? Talk to them. (Better actually to have your mom do it, since she has legal custody - you don't really have any rights, any more than I do to my stepkids.)
It stinks that I don't really have any rights- except they would be in my custody if anything happens to my parents, as I am the god-mother of all three. Unless somehow they would get put back into my sister's. Niece doesn't have a juvenile/probation officer. She is not in the system-yet. Her friend is though, for beating up some girl and the Mom pressed charges. It was either diversion, or the "friend" got put into placement out of her parent's home. I am actually surprised that the diversion program is even considering Niece for the program since she hasn't been in legal trouble. Maybe they looked at my sister's record and said "OMG, we don't need another of these!". LOL.. ha..ha.. ha.. ok, not funny.
My sister had a CHINS on her when she was younger. Honestly- not sure it did anything. She never got better and never obeyed a darn thing. The cops would be called often because of the fighting, and even her physically assaulting myself and my parents. She went to juvenile hall for a few weeks once. Yay. Maybe my mom wasn't good at enforcing things with her? I am not sure.
I'm sorry... I don't like to see anyone having problems like we did with O - but she is headed down a dangerous path, and we were too lenient and inconsistent... Due to fear of her mother regaining custody.
Do you think being too lenient and inconsistent contributed to her behavior? Because from what Mom told me last night, she said she was that way with my Sister. Maybe Mom being anything BUT lenient and inconsistent with Niece will make a difference. I have my doubts though.
by the way - once a parent is determined to be unfit - getting custody back is highly unlikely for years. Unless everyone concerned just "gives up".
This makes me feel a bit better. Thank you. Except that I worry that perhaps if my parents send her to placement, or to me, that would be considered "giving up" and my sister could use that against us to get custody back somehow.
At the moment I am thinking that- if she is going down such a dangerous path, maybe her moving here is not such a bad idea. She was not behaving the way she is now while she was here. Then again, she wasn't half as bad as she is right now towards my Mom, before she left. So who knows, really. But if she were here then she'd at least be way from this toxic friend, or her siblings. She really dislikes her little sister because she thinks she is a "princess". The exact way my sister used to feel about me. Most negative thing is that both hubby and I work full time. So she'd be alone for a few hrs after school every day.
And, lastly -
THANK YOU!!