It's over. My dad died.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, Jun 6, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He was 91. I am so glad I flew up when I did. If I had waited until Monday, it would have been too late.
    He was so thin, I could almost touch my first finger and thumb around his bicep. My little sister said that he was jaundiced, but by the time I got there, it was gone. Now I know that is called a death pallor and it passes, and oftentimes people get a fever, and then pick at the sheets, and sometimes say they see people who have already died, or angels or little children. He picked at the sheets, and pointed at things, and had a lot of neurological twitches, and developed a death rattle, which is saliva that cannot be swallowed or coughed up. Atripine drops in the mouth, a scopolamine patch behind his ear, and morphine from a dropper under his tongue helped calm him down.
    We played soft music, and kept the lights low, and held hands. He had a vise grip, especially when someone changed his diapers. He hated, hated, hated that and his arms would fly up like he was a newborn baby. And then he'd find the person changing him and he'd grab them. It always took two people, incl a man.
    He didn't move his head to the side at all, so he could see you only if you were directly in front of him. Not sure if he was just too weak to turn his head or what. He could hear everything but knew the difference between when we spoke directly to him, leaning down and talking to him, and rubbing his shoulder, and when people were talking on the other side of the room. He'd zone out and go to sleep then. (The hearing is the last to go.)
    I think he was gone the day before he died. His vice grip disappeared and the rattle disappeared. His breathing was softer and more robotic.

    His death was almost textbook. I read FINAL GIFTS on the flight in, and I highly recommend it.
    More information than you wanted ... sorry.
    It's just so weird. Surreal.
    I fly back to MN next week for the wake and funeral. There are 5 kids all over the country and lots of grandchildren and cousins so it's taking a bit of planning.
    It will be beautiful.
    I am so glad that he is no longer suffering. He would have killed himself if he knew how wild and violent he was last month.
    My little sister is busy planning the funeral and while I was in her house, she'd run around and then stop and say, "Oh, wait, I don't have to go anywhere any more."
    She's having a bit of a time adjusting.
    Eventually, she will love her free time, and mostly, the relief from the stress of worrying about Dad all the time. I hope she gains some weight and makes time to exercise.
    Thank you all for your support. It really helped.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    No, never to much information. It sounded like he was surrounded by love. I can tell how much you love him by your post.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So sorry Terry...what a sad time. I am glad you were there to say goodbye and to help him pass....HUGS
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sadly I can very well understand. Makes me tear up.
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Glad you had those last moments with him.
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I'm so very sorry Terry. It sounds like his passing was very peaceful, surrounded by those who loved him, and sometimes that's all you can ask. I know you will miss him.
  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    So sorry for your loss Terry - he was obviously much loved by his family

  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    He lived a long full good life, but his loved ones will still miss him. I'm so very sorry for your loss Terry.

    It sounds as if his passing was relatively peaceful surrounded by those he loved and loved him. That is a good thing.

    Saying prayers for comfort for you and your family during this difficult time.

  9. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm glad you were able to be with him at the end and what a blessing your sister has been through all this.

    The coming together of the family will be a rich support for all who loved him. Thoughts and prayers as you move through these first days of loss.

  11. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Very sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs and prayers through this.
  12. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your moving testimony, Terry. May you find love in your grief.
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sending comforting hugs and prayers out for your family.
  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    My condolences to you and your family. Hugs.
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs:Terry, I'm glad you went up. I'm glad you got to see him, painful as I know it was. I am glad he is not suffering now, and I have lots of good and gentle thoughts going out to you and your family.
  16. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    So very sorry Terry, but I am glad you got to see him and speak to him before he passed.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry, I am so sorry for your loss. So glad you had a chance to be there and that everything was peaceful. Sending prayers your way.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Terry, so sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs and prayers.
  19. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. Hopefully you will find some comfort from the fact that he is now in peace and was given a long and full life.
  20. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you were able to fly up to see him. ((hugs))