Living in a family that are all like Brian Williams

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JohnnyB, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    I believe Mr. Williams has the same brain problem as my four family members. The worst is my 46 year old daughter. It began when she was about fourteen years of age and she has continually gotten worse. She changes actual events to make her look like the innocent one. She has never been married because her boy friends find out she's nuts eventually. In addition to changing the facts about past events she attacks people physically. She has attacked me numerous times and she is banned from ever entering my house. Little things set her off and she goes into a violent tirade. She last attacked me in rush hour traffic going 50 miles an hour because I said in innocent conversation that a person might think she's crazy. I almost lost control of my truck before getting the truck stopped.

    The problem is she tells everybody in the family horrible stories about me which are not true. She turned the attack on me into an attack on her. The only person in our family that knew the truth was a cousin that dealt with people with mental problems. I asked the cousin a few years ago if she could talk to her and find out anything. My daughter admitted to her that she was telling lies and promised to stop. Unfortunately the cousin was killed in an accident less than a year ago and now my daughter has started the lies all over again.

    Her two brothers are 10 and 14 years younger and are believing her wild stories to the point I no longer talk to any of them. How do you fight lies?

    My wife is no help what so ever as I believe she is the genetic link to this problem. She has little memory of her childhood which to me is very strange. She came from a very good family and went to private schools. She was a spoiled child as she never had to do anything as there were hired maids that did the housework. The problems started when my children became teenagers as my wife didn't discipline them. I refused to let my sons get away with things and gave them chores to do like mow the lawn and take out the garbage.

    Things became much better when my daughter left for college. I took a job in the Midwest and we moved 700 miles from the East. Unfortunately my daughter followed and the lies and craziness began again. I have forgiven her hundreds of times but now I'm done. I have banned all three of my children from coming to my house and have found out my oldest son has been stealing things from my house. He now seems as nuts as his older sister. My only hope was my youngest son that was married two years ago and we had a good relationship. He always had a memory problem and could never remember his multiplication tables. He is far from being dumb but has always lacked focus in his studies in school. The lack of a good memory has always frustrated him but he did manage to get through college after six years.

    I find all of this troubling as I remember everything including when I was a little baby with diapers. Since retiring I have written six books, taught myself electrical engineering to the point of advising grad students from all over the world. I didn't know how to focus until I was 37 years old as I was bored to the extreme in school. It was too easy and I'd read the book before a test and ace the test. My childhood wasn't the best as only one person in my whole family was what I'd call intelligent. He was my paternal grandfather and he taught me many things. We talked about the others in our family and their lack of intelligence including his son and my father. He didn't understand it either and only said that we were the lucky two and don't put the others down because they are not like us. It has been difficult to say the least to live with people all my life that I consider nuts or at best incompetent.

    The question is how do I convince my youngest son that his sister and brother are nuts and the stories they are telling him are all lies?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Have you ever explored which type of mental illness your daughter has when she was younger and within your control; when you could have gotten her psychiatric help? You are acting as if she is bad when it sounds more like she is sick or else like there is real contention in the family. It's wonderful that you have so many capabilities, but it is wrong in my opinion to expect your children to have the same ones. We are all different.

    There is nothing you can do to do change or control an adult, your child or not. I suggest going on with your life. The time to help her is long past, and you can not tell her what to say or what not to say. I feel kind of sorry for her. I was also accused of lying about my family, and I wasn't.

    Your wife is not your daughter. Simply disagreeing with you is not her being crazy.

    You can not control what your relatives think nor should you care. People who know the real you will not believe the stories.

    Disciplining teens does not help mental illness. My youngest is still a teen,a nd I'm soft on discipline, yet she has never been in trouble in her life and is very honest. It's kind of the luck of the draw. Don't blame your wife. You were there too.

    in my opinion you are mistaking mental illness and/or drug abuse for bad genes by mom and lack of sicipline and that doesn't help anybody. At your kid's ages, there is little you can do but encourage them to get help and I strongly suggest YOU get help too, to learn to take care of yourself and to learn coping skills that will enable your life to be better. It can't be much fun not to be talking to any of your children. Being self-righteous because you are bright and thinking that the others are not as good as you is faulty thinking and will not gain you any happiness or friends. You need to learn how to accept people for what they are. Not saying nobody did anything wrong, just that you are not perfecft or special...we are all flawed, every one of us, and we have contributed to our children's behaviors.Maybe we were not fast enough to get them help or were too strict or too lenient and our particular child needed more...parents, including you, are not perfect.

    If you talk the way you spoke in your post to your youngest son, my guess is he will join the rest of your family and run for the hills. You need to do it differently with him. Calling his siblings nuts and incompetent will likely chase him from you. That's not how to do things. You need professional help.

    I wish you all the best of luck and hope and pray you can work things out.
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2015
  3. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    Understand that mental illness is not always recognizable as was the case with my children. Some of their actions are the result of mental illness and some of it is just being nasty. I don't know why my daughter is so vicious and I have discussed this with other family members. They just avoid her and say it is almost impossible to get her medical help unless she agrees to it. Things have gotten worse over time and it has now reached a point where I see the only way out is to walk away. It is sad but now that I'm retired and home all the time I just want peace. I'm tired of the verbal attacks and the wild stories which are all lies. I no longer have any hope of any of them getting any better. I have lived my whole life with crazy people as my father died at 38 years of age from a brain tumor. He would have wild mood swings where he would destroy things in the house. He would load a shotgun and threaten to kill all four of his kids. This started when I was two years of age. My mother was a habitual liar and as I got older would tell my father lies about me. I ran away from home numerous times only to be brought back to the hell. The first time was when I was nine years of age. I was fifteen when my father died and I only stayed to protect my twin brothers that were two years younger. At seventeen I couldn't take it any longer and left home and never looked back. I married at eighteen and there was a span of sixteen years before I talked to my mother. She called and told me she had changed and apologized for her actions. She had almost killed me as she wasn't feeding us at home. I ate some bad food and lost 65 pounds before being taken to a doctor by my girl friend. I was a walking skeleton and if it wasn't for her I would have died. We married and have been married ever since. Walking away isn't easy as I owe her my life. I've lived my entire life hoping things would get better but those times have been brief. There were other things that happened during my life that would have made a strong man drop to his knees in fear and cry like a baby. I won't divulge those events here but I will tell you they only made me stronger. I have learned things and I have discovered things that could change life on Earth forever. I know that sounds crazy and you will be thinking that if that were true why do I not divulge my discoveries to the world. Imagine a world with free electrical power and the burning of fossil fuels a thing of the past. What would happen to the economies of the world? Anything that disrupts the economy by putting huge numbers of workers out of work is bad. I believe Nickola Tesla and Albert Einstein died with this knowledge as both knew the world wasn't ready for this discovery. I have been in discussion with people around the globe that are working towards finding the same things that I discovered. China and Japan have a greater need for cheap energy as they both have very little and their governments are pushing to find alternatives to fossil fuels. After talking to some Graduate students from Beijing and Tokyo, I believe they will find it very soon as they are on the right path. I gave them nothing even though they asked for my advice. I don't need professional help and I don't believe that would help my wife. A person either has a good memory or they have a bad one. Medical science hasn't reached the level of being able to improve a humans brain. As far as my daughter is concerned she could use help but how do you get an adult to seek help if they don't want it. She even knows she's crazy but that doesn't make her want to seek help. Unfortunately the world is full of crazy people and nothing will ever change that fact. Also understand that humans like dogs are born mean and kindness doesn't change that fact. Too many religious groups believe that murderers, rapists and child molesters can be rehabilitated and let back into society which is nuts.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm not saying this to be mean, but because I'm not sure anyone else can or will tell you in real life: There's two sides to every story.

    Does that make your side of the story wrong? NO! You know what you hear, see, feel, perceive, think. You know what you have done and why you have done it.

    But that doesn't mean that your side of the story is the whole story, or that you have the whole picture. There is another side.

    Have you ever found a really good therapist and actually dealt with your past? Or did you just lock your past away inside you and "move on"? If you just moved on... then in reality you haven't moved on at all, because it doesn't work that way. I was there once. It took significant therapy to get healing, so I could really move on, and not be carrying it with me, locked inside, affecting everything I did and thought. I know people who needed therapy and refused, and are still hung up on the past (even though they refuse to think or talk about it). I know others who have done the work and released themselves from an internal prison, and are new people.

    Are you and your wife still together? I'm guessing yes. What does she think? Have you told her you aren't coping well with the current situation? Does she - can she - give you any feedback on the other side of the story? Does she support the use of therapists?

    There's just so many things we don't know about your situation. But I suspect that if you can get help for yourself, it will affect others in a positive way, and even if it doesn't you will come out ahead.
  5. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

  6. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    Why do I always have people telling me to go see a therapist. I'm not the one with mental problems although living with people with mental issues has been and still is very difficult. I seek only understanding and information from others who have had similar problems. I discussed the differences between people's personalities with a very high ranking Army doctor on a flight from Cleveland to St. Louis in the mid 1990's. I described my wife's personality and I told him my children were all like her. He asked me a lot of questions and then described the types of conflicts that arise with the two completely different personalities. He was spot on with his comments and he didn't offer much hope of the marriage surviving. He explained he was a Psychiatrist and was involved in training army personnel. He said the main reason for divorce was two people with conflicting personalities. He asked how long we had we been married and when I told him over twenty-five years he laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his face. He asked me how did I survive so long? I told him I had a lot of acres of woods and every time I got frustrated I'd go cut down a tree. I heated my house with a wood furnace for 18 years. When things got bad between us she say it was time for me to cut some more firewood. He couldn't hold back his laughter and it was quite a few minutes before he was under control again. He excused himself and headed for the restroom laughing loudly all the way there. When he returned a few minutes later he apologized and explained he had never met someone that had been married so long to a person so totally opposite from his spouse. I told him my grandfather did the same thing and was married for fifty years before he died. I always wondered why my grandfather was always talking to himself and now I fully understand the reason why. The doctor lost it again and off to the bathroom he went to collect himself. When he came back he apologized again and asked me where I met my wife. When he learned I met her in Europe and that she was British he put his hands over his face and said "You poor man." He said "You both deserve a medal." We had this conversation for almost four hours and afterwards I better understood what I was up against with my family. The mental problems at that time I didn't recognize as such and only more recently did I realize there was more going on than just personality differences between us. I unfortunately see no happy endings to my predicament. I don't like walking away from my now adult children but that is exactly what I must do. I will see a lawyer next week to make sure they have no say whatsoever in my affairs in the future.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know you don't want to hear this but a therapist could be of great benefit. My son has serious mental health issues and my daughter does but in a very different way. When my son was at his worse, I decided to see a therapist, not because of mental health issues myself but to help me better deal with the mental health issues that my children have. It was very helpful.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was and am the family scapegoat and they lie about me too. It bothers us so we go for help to learn ways to deal with it and let it go. I no longer even want to reconcile with people who think I'm different than I am. And bad. Family of origin issues are deep but u can learn to move on. It takes professional help usually. I hope u reconsider. Good luck.
  9. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    The stories are the result of my daughter's craziness. She is now almost 47 years old and has never been married. She is a beautiful woman that is obsessed with her looks. She never had a date all through high school including the prom although she was the best looking girl in her class. She was and still is a :censored2: with an attitude. She held one good job for one year and was fired. She then has been a bar maid most of her life even though she has two college degrees. She has an uncontrollable temper and everything must be her way or no way. Every boy friend has run after only a short time. She goes into a rage over little insignificant things and looks like a cat that has been thrown into pen with a number of dogs. I grew up on the tough side of town and saw many people that were vicious but none of them as vicious as she can be. I saw this rage for the first time soon after she graduated from high school. I asked her what her plans were for the future and she said she still wanted to go to college. I said fine but what are your plans for the summer? She said she was going to spend the time with her friends. Understand that at this time she wasn't helping her mother with any of the house work. She just ignored my request to do anything. I told her that she needed to get a job to help with the college expenses and that is when all hell broke loose. She went into a rage and physically attacked me leaving me with deep scratches on my face. I pushed her away and she repeatedly attacked me over twenty times. I never punched or slapped her once and only pushed her away telling her to stop. She continually yelled obscenities until she was too exhausted to continue.

    Now twenty-nine years after that event which I had forgiven her she is telling her brothers that I attacked her without provocation. She told them that I beat her with my fist until she was a bloody mess and added that I did the same to my youngest before he was four years of age. The problem is my youngest son has an extremely weak memory which means she is giving him her version of his past. Unfortunately my wife is of little help having many stokes that have rendered her memory useless. I'm surprised that one of her past boy friends hasn't beaten the crap out of her and someday she might pick the wrong man and end up severely beaten or even dead. I'm glad she lives thousands of miles away from me and she knows she is banned from ever coming to my house. God only knows what other stories she is telling people but I'm in the process of disowning her as my daughter. In this case she is 100 percent of the problem and is the most vicious person I have ever known. I know she is insane but I can do nothing to help her. She stated after she graduated from high school that she expected a new car from me only she wasn't kidding. I told her if she wanted a car that she should get a job and I would contribute as much as I could towards the purchase. Because her two rich girl friends received cars I was considered a bad father. I told her my father died at 38 years of age and left us with nothing but with the bills. My mother became an alcoholic and lost everything. She had it in her brain that it was her right to receive a new car and I told her she wasn't born with a silver spoon in her mouth. This was the beginning of her rages and do nothing attitude. She did go to college and I took a job 700 miles away to get away from her. Unfortunately after college she followed us with a boy friend that could control her to some extent. The problems started all over again after she threw him out. She needed somebody to blame for her failed relationship and of course I was the one to blame even though I had only minimal contact with them as they lived thirty miles away. I believe she was losing her job and she blamed her boy friend. She has a long history of blaming others for her failures and it mostly involves blaming the men in her life. I just want her out of my life and no therapist can help me with that problem. I'm tired of the drug addicts, alcoholics, and crazy people in my family. I've had sixty years of this crap and I'm done. If they can't get their life together it is not my problem. I'm closing the door on all of them and have told them to not contact me ever again. If they ever show up at my door I will call the police to have them escorted off my property. I consider some of them as dangerous and at my age and bad health I can't defend myself if they come to attack me. I am buying a hand gun to protect myself as the government doesn't seem to care about having crazy people walk the streets. All I can say is I've tried to help them my whole life but it just hasn't worked out.
    Last edited: May 10, 2015
  10. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    It sounds like we are in the same boat but I can assure you I don't need a therapist or any so called professional help. I am a realist and have dealt with crazy people all my life. So many of my family members on my mother's side have committed suicide that I have lost count. Most of them were alcoholics and I'm glad I never liked the stuff. I could never be a drug addict as my body is allergic to opium based drugs and almost died as a child after being given pain medication. This condition has complicated many surgeries in the past and I have stopped breathing during operations. In my case and my family history I consider it a blessing. I wish you the best but I'm not a weak person. I have put up with too much in my life and now have simply run out of give-a-damns.
  11. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    When she went into that rage and injured you - did you not call the police? She could have - and should have - been admitted to hospital for evaluation due to causing your injuries. It would be rare for these things to just suddenly begin when she turned 18. Maybe at 18, she felt she no longer had to toe YOUR line in the sand, and decided to do things her own way. Not that it was the best direction for her to go, but... there has to be a whole lot more history to this picture.

    The key thing that I "hear" in every one of your posts is anger, an anger that is consuming you. You believe you are in control of your self - but that isn't what comes across. You describe your daughter in a certain way, and yet in some more subtle ways, you bear some resemblance to her. If you aren't prepared to deal with your anger, then your anger will consume you. And dealing with anger means NOT just "stuffing it" - you have to get help.

    It's difficult having a spouse who is incapacitated due to strokes. In some ways she has abandoned you, which is not her fault, but... it does make things more challenging for you, even with out the issue of your daughter.
  12. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    I am angry that she keeps up these lies and my youngest son is dumb enough to believe her. Before she was eighteen the only problem was her lies. Some male teacher made the mistake of calling her names in High School and my wife and I were called to a meeting with her teachers. The male teacher was a jerk and I told him if you called me that same thing you would have received a broken nose. I told the principal who was my high school principal as well that he should teach his staff how to respect people. Just because my daughter is sixteen gives you no right to disrespect her. The rest of the teachers agreed and said they didn't have any problems with my daughter and that she was a good student. When she was nineteen she beat the crap out of a guy that grabbed her butt at a dance. Understand that she hasn't been a problem 100% of the time until now. In the past she would suddenly go wacky for no apparent reason. This usually occurred during holidays and I would show her the door and ask her to leave. Over time I realized that she had a mental problem as I was hearing back from the ex-boyfriends that she had attacked them physically. I use to put her down as just a mean moody person but now I know there is more to it than just being mean and it was her time of the month. Nobody suddenly attacks another for something done almost thirty years ago but that is exactly what she does. She relives past arguments as if they just happened. I consider her dangerous and I wish never to see her again. I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up in jail for attacking a person.

    She attacked me the first time when she was eighteen because she didn't like what I was telling her. I didn't buy her a brand new car after she graduated. She must have thought money grew on trees as I was driving a three year old Buick at the time and rebuilding a blown engine in a six year old Chrysler. She didn't like the idea of having to get a job as her girlfriends from rich families didn't have to do that as their fathers were much older and had inherited the family fortune. The fact is she is a nasty person and if she is mentally ill I cannot help her as nobody will listen. My only option is to distance myself from her and I am doing that legally.
  13. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    I'm down to one brother now that doesn't have a memory problem. My one and only sister that has had Lupus most of her life finally shows memory problems. It is a real kick in the gut for me as she was the last person in my life that I could really have a great conversation with on any subject. We could talk on the phone for hours at a time as we live 700 miles from one another. Last year I lost one of my best friends to Alzheimers and now she is in a mental hospital. With my wife and daughter very bad and my sons with very weak memories it is becoming very apparent that in the not to distant future I will be alone in my thoughts.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    At 48, it's a bit late to expect your daughter to change...or the other adult children.

    You'd probably be well served to find others to replace those who lie about you. You can't control what they say.

    I'm sorry you're hurting.

    Who on earth is brian Williamss????
  15. JackBeNimble

    JackBeNimble New Member

    Brain Williams was the NBC Nightly News anchor that made up stories and was fired over it. I don't believe he is vicious, just a little nuts. He may very well believe those lies he's been telling. Reality only lies within our minds and for some people the line between their dreams and reality becomes blurred. The only difference between an insane person and a sane one is their ability or inability to distinguish the difference. It takes many interactions with a person who has this problem before you can determine their level of insanity. They look sane and from all other aspects are viewed as sane by society. Living with many family members that have this problem has been trying to say the least. It's like a spreading disease as one will bring up something that is really his or her dream or nightmare and tell the other one who now dreams that same dream and it now becomes their reality in their memory banks. This dream/nightmare is then spread to the third one and finally the forth.